Page 24

Twenty One

Present

I shudder at the memory. At the hurt and guilt I felt. I could have saved Amelia, not from her son, but maybe just soon enough so that she wasn’t as damaged from the ordeal as she was. She might have had a chance to come through the ordeal…live a normal life…like Nora.

But no, she was too far gone when they found her. Too brainwashed in her conviction that her abductor was truly the love of her life.

I’m embarrassed to say that it brought Cooper and I closer together instead of further apart. That we worked hard to heal each other in the months that followed. Instead of being repulsed by his family.

Unable to staunch the compulsion, I read a little more.

Memories tickle the edges of my recollection. Sometimes, I can’t write fast enough to keep up with them. You gave me so many. But one stands out and begs for my attention often. Do you remember the day you asked me if I loved you?

I’m certain you do. I’m also certain my reaction was the catalyst to our end. It was only a question. One you needed an answer to, to be secure, to feel safe and loved and cared for. But it caught me off guard.

I didn’t know what to say.

So I said nothing at all.

There is no room for silence to be misquoted. The thing is, I didn’t know. Was it love? Was it lust? Would my passion, my infatuation with you, wane, burn out? I had nothing to compare my feelings to.

But it hurt you. I could see it in the way your mouth twisted itself out of shape, as though you’d just tasted something unpleasant. And I didn’t know how to make it right. I didn’t have the ability to analyze my emotions. To explain in certain terms what you meant to me. For that, I am sorry.

“If there’s anything you want to tell me, now’s the time.” There was so much I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Robin, you were the only pure thing I had, and I wouldn’t saddle you with the weight of my sins.

I needed you, the burning desire inside my chest. The fire in my heart to remain intact. Do you remember saying that?

I do.

I paused. Silence eating up the oxygen between us. Your face fell. Shoulders slumped. I willed the right response to leave my lips, but all my words sat stuck on my tongue as you packed up your strewn clothes from the floor.

A reminder of the fervor from the night past.

Love.

Such a foreign concept to me. Does anyone really love? Is anyone really capable of giving that all-encompassing idea to anyone else? Did I even believe in it?

Thoughts and idealism and realism kept me imprisoned to a solitary spot on the floor. It felt like the carpet shackled my feet.

You left.

You left.

You left.

Because I didn’t say a thing.

A knock rattles the door, startling me, and Flash leaps from the couch and bounds for it. That little traitor lets them know I’m close behind him with excited barking.

“Hold your horses,” I call. I shove the letter into the drawer of the table on my way.

The girls file in. The scent of takeout fills my kitchen, cartons are spread out across my dining table like an offering.

Nora, Aubry, and Eve dig in without hesitation, comfortable in my space in a way that makes it feel less like an interrogation and more like a gathering of old friends.

But we all know why they’re here.

“So,” Aubry starts, mouth half-full of noodles, “let’s talk about the guy you conveniently forgot to mention.”

I exhale, staring at the untouched food on my plate. “I didn’t forget.”

Eve smirks. “Just omitted.”

Nora tilts her head, ever patient. “Tell us about him.”

I hesitate. But these women—these former patients, these friends—have earned my honesty.

“His name is Cooper,” I say, forcing myself to meet their eyes. “And I fell in love with him.”

Silence.

Aubry is the first to react, eyes widening. “You fell in love with your patient?”

I nod. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. It shouldn’t have happened.”

Eve leans back, skeptical. “What was it about him?”

I take a deep breath. “He watched people. That was his thing—his proclivity, I guess. He watched me.” I swallow hard. “At first, it was unnerving. But then… I don’t know. It felt different. Like he saw me in a way no one else ever had.”

Nora’s brow furrows. “And you thought he loved you?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “I thought he did. He said things—intense, poetic things. Made me feel like I was the only person in the world who truly mattered to him.” I shake my head. “But then, after months together, I asked him. I asked if he loved me.”

Aubry leans forward. “And?”

I tighten my grip on my fork. “He didn’t answer.”

Another silence. This one heavier.

“So I left,” I finish, voice quieter now. “He got caught shortly after by some guests at his bed and breakfast.”

Nora gasps. “Wait. What bed and breakfast?”

I cringe. “The Ocean Voyeur.”

“Oh my god, Dr. R., Liam and I stayed there.”

I nod.

Aubry and Eve sit slack-jawed. “Do you think…” Nora drifts off.

Again, I nod. “I’m certain he probably watched you two.”

Nora shudders, although not in the repulsed way I thought she would.

“A month ago, a letter arrived from him. More like a small novel if I’m honest.”

“What’s it say?” Aubry asks.

I bite my lip. Nora reaches for her wine, taking a slow sip.

I push my chair back and walk to the side table, hesitating only a moment before retrieving the stack of pages. When I return to the table, I set them down between us.

“I haven’t finished reading it.”

Eve watches me closely. “Why not?”

I swallow hard. “Because I don’t know if I should.”

Aubry reaches for the letter. “Then let us read it.”

I hesitate, but in the end, I let her take it.

The three of them huddle together, reading in silence. Their expressions shift—curiosity, shock, something softer.

Aubry fans herself a couple times.

My stomach coils with tension and embarrassment and something else I can’t quite pinpoint.

It’s long.

It’s detailed.

It takes them entirely too long to read it all.

I pour myself another glass of wine. Use the restroom. Let Flash out and then back in again where he settles himself under my feet.

When they finally look up, it’s Nora who speaks first.

“You need to finish it.”

Aubry nods. “She’s right.”

Eve meets my gaze. “No more avoiding it, Dr. R.”