Page 18 of The Sweet Spot (Kodiaks Hockey #3)
Chapter Eighteen
Wolseley
I avoided taking Tangi’s calls or answering her texts. I needed space and more time to feel sorry for myself, but after the first few home games of the season, and almost two weeks of no communication, Jill had had enough. She insisted we both go to her place, which made sense since the Ravens were playing in Graham Place while the Kodiaks were out of town. That meant Tangi could easily pop over after work.
Jill ordered Chinese food because she wasn’t the best cook, and I got there before Tangi did. I’d had a rare day off, which meant I had time to call my parents and not rush them off the phone, get some much-needed supplies for myself, catch up on chats with my chef friends, reply to all the questions Jan had emailed me about Daniel, but most of all to relax and not have to worry about feeding Brandon, and now Ryan. He was due to come over for a sampling after the road trip, but during the road trip, he was going to have all the same meals I’d arranged for Brandon, so that made it easy to order double. I also sent along extra snacks for him too .
I planned to enjoy my four days off. That’s the arrangement I had with Brandon. As long as his road trip meals were set, and he had enough snacks to keep him going, I had as much time off as I wanted while he was gone, and after a long training camp and the first week of the season, I deserved it.
“Thank you for coming,” Jill said when I got there. She and her dog, Chloe, met me at the door. “I know you’re still upset.” She took my coat and hung it up. Jill kept an immaculate home. I often wondered if her cleaning obsession came from a place of coping and finding things to do when she had such a shitty mother. I kept a clean kitchen and did a good job of keeping Tangi and Ethan’s condo clean, but I was pretty sure you could eat off any surface in Jill’s home, including the floor. She even wiped poor Chloe’s feet each time she went outside to do her business.
“Really, it’s fine,” I said. “I’d like to put it behind us.”
Jill gave me one of her hardened looks, the kind her ice-blue eyes could freeze you in place with. “No, we aren’t doing that. I don’t like what Tangi said, and I know it hurt you, so we are going to nicely hash this out today, and you aren’t going to just let it go because that’s not healthy.”
I groaned. I was the last person who liked confrontation. In fact, I avoided it at all costs. Back at the restaurant, Wren took care of all that because everyone knew what a pushover I was. But really, I wanted to keep the peace. At least, that’s what I told myself.
“I don’t want a big fight.”
Jill narrowed her icy gaze. “It doesn’t have to be a big fight. It needs to be a discussion, and I plan to be the mediator. We are going to share our feelings, and no one is leaving here upset. Got it?”
A pit was forming in my stomach. Talking about my unsuitability with Brandon was hardly something I wanted to do, especially if it was settled that I wasn’t suitable. How crappy would that make me feel?
Tangi came over just before the Chinese food arrived. The tension hanging between us sat there even though we were pleasant enough to each other. Jill poured some drinks—sparkling water for Tangi, wine for me and her—and had us gather around the island to chow down on Chinese food. Jill claimed it was the best in the city, and tonight, I didn’t care what it tasted like or where it was from. I was going to have to talk about things I didn’t want to and try not to get upset.
But I was good at putting on a show. How many years had I been the ugly duckling friend to Tangi and Jill? Guys would fall all over themselves to flirt with my friends, and I’d watch like a third wheel. I’d always pretend it didn’t bother me, but all the while, it was eating me up inside.
Jill passed me all the vegetarian dishes to dig into first. I wasn’t overly hungry with my stomach doing a million somersaults. I’d been so busy trying to avoid eye contact with Tangi that it was making me physically sick. I needed to be tougher, I knew that, but it was so damn hard.
“This is good,” Tangi said. “How come I’ve never heard of this place?”
“I don’t know. It’s popular at the office, and Jeremy and I have ordered it a few times. What do you think of it, Wols?” Jill asked.
“It’s good,” I said, having only taken one bite of the vegetable fried rice.
Tangi and Jill made small talk about the Kodiaks and Ravens, and I jumped in so that it looked like I was making an effort, but what I really wanted to do was hide in the bathroom and not come out until Tangi was gone. But Jill wasn’t having that, and as she took our plates away once we were done, she dove right into the night I wanted to forget .
“I hate that there is so much tension between you guys, so I want that to end tonight. All right? And that means we are going to talk through this.”
Jill must have done something like this before because she poured Tangi and me glasses of water. How did she know my mouth had suddenly gone dry? I sipped the water, silently thanking her for it.
“We know I’m not a therapist, but I have done my fair share of therapy, so I’m going to try to lead this discussion,” Jill said. “Why don’t we start with you, Wols? How did the conversation between you and Tangi make you feel?”
Start with me? I had to swallow down the bile trying to exit my throat. “I don’t know. Sad, I guess. I certainly didn’t feel good about myself.”
Tangi recoiled like I’d stabbed her with a knife. She closed her eyes for a second, no doubt wondering what to say next.
“I didn’t mean for you to feel that way. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”
Part of me wanted to accept that explanation and move on, but the other part of me, the one growing with confidence, didn’t want to let it go just yet. I probably should have quelled that part, but I wasn’t satisfied. I needed to hear everything she had to say.
“Then why say it?” I asked.
Tangi looked down and tapped her finger on the island a few times. “I mean what I said about not wanting you to get hurt, and I worried that when you started working with Brandon, you were going to start falling for him. It’s a pattern of yours.”
My mouth hung open, and I quickly closed it. “No, it’s not! Are you referring to Daniel?”
Tangi arched a brow. “I’m referring to every guy you’ve ever liked going back to high school. Your chem lab partner, the guy you were paired with when you volunteered at the soup kitchen. What about the guy you organized the protest with on lab animals? The climate-change guy? The guy you met at culinary school? The one you practiced with? The chef you worked with at your first and second jobs.”
I put up my hand to stop her before the list got out of hand, although it had probably gotten out of hand five guys ago.
“I get it,” I said, seeing a bit of humor in it. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have found it funny, but now it kind of was. I did have a history of falling for the men I worked and volunteered with, but Brandon was different. I knew more about him than any of those other men. And the connection was … different.
Jill nodded along as well. “Tang does have a point.”
“I get where you’re both coming from, and I see that I have a history and follow a pattern. But not once did I say I had a thing for Brandon.”
Tangi arched her brow again. “Really? You’re going to pretend you don’t?”
I leaned back in my chair and puffed out a breath. “He’s hot. He’s nice. We laugh and have fun together. I guess it’s hard not to have a thing for him. But I need my job, and I would never do anything to put that in jeopardy.”
Tangi trained her hazel gaze on me. “And I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all. He’s nice, and he’s funny, but that’s who he is. If he was interested, you’d know it.”
Jill cleared her throat loudly and seemed to catch Tangi before she said something else that would upset me, not that this conversation wasn’t a knife to the heart. But I got where she was going with this.
“Don’t waste your time on him; that’s all I’m trying to say. Badly, I guess.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. I wanted to be angry, but the overwhelming feeling of not being good enough had taken root .
“Because he’d never fall for someone like me. I get it.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Tangi said, looking wounded, though I was the injured party here.
“But it’s what I hear. I’m not skinny enough. I don’t have the perfect hair, or face, or anything.”
Jill slammed her fist on the table to stop us both. She leaned in close to me and demanded I do the same.
“Wolseley Douglas, you are a fucking goddess, don’t you ever forget that! Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to be you? A million. No, a billion. I wanted to have your life, your style, your attitude. I still want that. There are tons of guys who would kill to have you on their arm, but for some reason, you chase after losers, and that is going to stop right now. Do you understand?”
I thought she might attack me if I didn’t agree, so I nodded quickly.
“If you want to have a crush, a thing, or a damn fling with Brandon Warde, then go for it. And if that doesn’t work out, you both move on? You are going to find the right guy who deserves you, and he’s going to treat you like the goddess you are. So stop beating yourself up, and let that beautiful, carefree self of yours shine because you’re one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met.”
Tears slipped down my face now, and I reached out to hug Jill. At some point, Tangi came over and hugged us, too, telling me she was an asshole. She kind of was, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up.
After we’d wiped all the tears away, Jill grasped my hands. “Please promise me to keep your head on straight and all your doors open, okay? Don’t think about Brandon only. I want you to notice every single man you interact with. The guys at the grocery store, the markets, anywhere. I bet you’re discounting a lot of diamonds out there. ”
Jill had a point.
“Okay, I said.”
“Perfect. Now let’s drink to that and to throwing Wolseley out into the world.”