Page 5

5

CAMERON

Oh, my God.

I’m such an idiot.

Flashes from a few nights ago played in my mind, over and over again. I was dancing at the bar, my hands on Levi’s face, Levi’s shoulders. I was saying things to him that I shouldn’t have said, letting my thoughts escape my mouth. He hadn’t seemed too put off by any of it, but there was a good chance he was just being polite. Which meant that I needed to steer clear of Levi for a few more days, keeping my distance as best as I could.

If I wasn’t careful, I was going to blow this whole thing. How was I supposed to study Levi for my big, breakout role, if he kept me at arm’s length? And all because of things I’d said while a little too tipsy at the bar?

Rolling my eyes at my own behavior, I walked over to the bedroom mirror. I shifted my stance, trying my best to stand just like Levi, faking his swagger. I instantly deflated when I realized how hard it was going to be, capturing even a small part of his essence on screen. The more I learned about Levi, the more I realized that he was genuinely one-of-a-kind, and anything I did would be a pale imitation?—

“Shit. It’s cold in here.” I frowned, my train of thought suddenly off track. I blew a breath and could see fog, a telltale sign that something was very wrong. If I was back in Los Angeles, I would’ve called my assistant, who then would’ve called my handyman. Hell, I might’ve called the handyman directly if it was this cold . Since I wasn’t back in L.A., it took me a second to run through my options.

Eventually, I decided to just call the main line for the ranch. I was sure they’d dealt with things like this before. Although, I was hoping that they’d actually have a fix for the freezing cold that didn’t involve starting a fire and bundling myself in blankets. A second after dialing the main line, I brought my phone up to my ear, ready to explain my situation.

Knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I hung up the phone and headed towards the front door to the cabin. When I pulled it open, Levi was standing there, with a toolbox in one hand and a thermos in the other. “Hey.”

“Are you… psychic? Is that another thing to add to the list of things that you are?”

Levi smirked. “Not psychic. Just made sense to check on you. I figured something may have been knocked out of place during this cold snap we’re having.”

When he finished speaking, he held out his thermos. Confused, I took it into my hands.

“Wait. Is this thermos for me?”

“Absolutely not.” He grinned. “But you look a little cold. It’s coffee. A little cream. A little sugar. A good balance.”

“Sounds perfect. Thank you.” I eagerly took a few sips of coffee, my body thankful for it. I then opened my door wider, encouraging him to come on in. Levi nodded, as he stepped through the doorway.

“Oh, wow.” He blew out a heavy breath. “This place is freezing. Your heater might be a goner.” He turned towards me, with a playful wink. “Or it would be, if you didn’t have me over to look at it.”

“You fix a lot of heaters?”

“Growing up on a ranch, you learn how to fix a lot of everything,” Levi replied, already walking over to where the heating unit was stored. He rolled up his sleeves before he knelt down in front of it and popped open his toolbox. I took a seat next to him, wanting to watch him in action.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Nah. I’m good.” He was focused on the work in front of him. He continued like that, tinkering with the heating unit, quietly solving the problem. As we sat in silence, I felt something building inside me, something that I needed to let out before I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry about the other night, at the bar.”

“What?”

“I think I may have said some things that I—” I hesitated for a moment, my nerves getting the better of me. “Just. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything, Cam,” he replied. “It was a fun night. I mean, I had fun, at least.”

Another bout of silence followed before he murmured, “Did you have fun, Cam?”

“Yeah. I had fun.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Fuck. I’m so happy things aren’t weird between us.”

“Why would they be weird?”

“They wouldn’t. They aren’t.” I shook my head. “Right?”

“Right.” In that moment, Levi twisted some knob or another, the heat inside the cabin blasting back on in response. “And there we go. All better.”

He brought himself back up to his knees. “I’ll see you around. Let me know if you need anything?—”

“Can I thank you with a hot cocoa?” I suggested, out of nowhere. “It’s only fair since I drank your coffee.”

“Hot cocoa?”

“Do you not like hot cocoa?” I laughed. “Have I finally figured out your fatal flaw?”

“I love hot cocoa.” Levi grinned, holding his hand out towards mine, helping me off the floor. “And yeah, I’ll take a cup or two. Why not?”

* * *

“What? Is there something on my face?” Levi was sitting on the other end of the couch in the cabin’s main room. He’d put his hot cocoa into his thermos and had been taking small sips of it. I’d been nursing my drink, too, with my focus mostly on Levi.

“Sorry.” I admonished myself inwardly for staring too long at him. It was a problem I’d had practically since I met the guy. “I just… got a little lost in thought.”

“Can I ask you something, Cam?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“Why a farm?”

“What?”

“Why do you want to buy a farm? I don’t think I ever asked you about it.”

“I…” I stalled for time, my brain trying to come up with a good answer. “I guess it’s because… it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time. The kind of thing I used to dream about when I was a little kid.”

“Owning a farm?”

“Yep.” I nodded along with my words. “It’s always been my big dream. I’ve been chasing after it for a bit, had some success here and there. But now? It seems like it’s all finally coming together. I’m on track to get exactly what I want… I just have to not screw up at the finish line.”

“Sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself.”

“Pressure makes diamonds.” I shrugged, with a small smile.

“But doesn’t that get exhausting? Pushing yourself like that, all the time?”

“Yeah, it does,” I admitted. “I don’t have a lot of time to sit and think about it. Not much of a point to it, anyway. Crying and complaining about getting exactly what you always wanted? People like that should have tomatoes thrown at them. It should be legal to hit them with a tomato when they’re walking down the street.”

“Remind me to keep you away from tomatoes,” Levi joked, a smile on his face now, too. “What do you think would happen? If you didn’t get your farm?”

“I’d feel like the biggest failure in the world.”

“But you wouldn’t be. And you could always try again. Starting over wouldn’t mean you lost out on anything. In fact, I think it’s the bravest thing you could do.”

“Is that how you feel about Big Sky? You’d be okay with your company burning to the ground?” I pressed. “Isn’t it your dream?”

“Oh, I’d be inconsolable.”

“Huh. Interesting. Well, you know, starting over wouldn’t mean you lost out on anything…”

“Do as I say, Cam, not as I do,” Levi replied, a laugh rumbling through his chest. “I know what holding on too tight to something can do to you.”

“Is that why you don’t have anyone?” I quietly asked. “No girlfriend? No boyfriend? Because you’ve been holding on too tight to Big Sky?”

“Probably so. I haven’t really thought about it.” He hummed. “I just kind of go wherever, do whatever, when it comes to relationship stuff.”

“But no one gets to lock you down?” I shifted in my seat. “You’ve never wanted to play for keeps?”

“I never really saw keeps as being on the table.” His eyes met mine. “What about you? Do you have anyone waiting on you to get home from the ranch?”

“Nope.” My fingers tapped alongside my mug. “I think we might have the same problem, Levi. Holding on too tight. No room for anything else in our hands.”

Levi looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it. Instead, he rose from the couch. “I should head out. There might be a client who needs me, especially with this weather.”

“I’ll walk you out,” I said, already heading towards the cabin’s front door. Levi walked beside me, something lingering in the air between us. Once we reached the doorway, I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for fixing my heater. And for hanging out with me.”

“Anytime, Cam.” Levi patted my hand, his palm warm. “I’ll see you around, okay?”

Once Levi was out the door, I sank back down on the couch. Even though I hadn’t told him who I really was, I suddenly felt so exposed. That whole conversation was like a wet towel to the face, realizing that Levi and I had so much in common. A part of me thought about just coming clean with him, letting him know that I was here for research. It didn’t feel right playing a role around Levi anymore, like I was lying to him instead of preparing for my movie.

Still, I knew that it was best to keep the truth to myself.

How would Levi even respond if I told him who I really was?

If I told him that I was studying his every move, so I could use it for my own benefit?

Something inside me crumbled as I accepted the reality of the situation.

It didn’t matter how much Levi and I connected…

There’d always be a barrier between us.

I’d always just be playing a role.