Page 63 of The Story of Me

He closes his eyes for a long moment. “Whether I’m the father of that baby or not makes absolutely no difference to you and me. Other than it will be just another thing for us to work through.”

“D’ya think we can do it? D’ya think we’re strong enough, ready enough for this?”

He shrugs. “If we want it bad enough.” I nod. I need to wee badly, but I’m so warm and comfy, I don’t want to move.

“I need to ask you something,” he says quietly.

“Knock yourself out.”

“What was Jodie on about when she said you’d been fucking her ex while you were in Byron?” Great, coz that’s what I really wanted to talk about right now.

“I met a bloke in Byron. He sang and played guitar in my aunt’s bar.”

“He was a singer?” I nod.

“Yeah, I know. He was nothing like Sean to look at. He just happened to sing and play guitar.”

“What’s his name?”

“Roman, Roman Peterson. He’s not famous or anything. He’s actually an engineer and works away in the mines most of the year, but takes a four month break and goes home to Byron and plays guitar around the different bars there.”

“And you fucked him?” I don’t see any point in lying, I don’t want to lie so I just nod.

“I’ve been numb, Cam. I’ve felt nothing and I just suddenly felt something. It was the strangest thing. It actually disturbed me.”

“Why?” I think about this for a few seconds.

“Because he made me feel and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, and because I felt so guilty. It hadn’t been quite a year since Sean’s death and I was feeling something for another man. Not emotionally or anything, it wasn’t like that between us. It was just desire I suppose, but even that was more than I was prepared for.” The only light is coming from a lamp over in the corner and I watch him frown while listening and digesting what I’m telling him.

“What was it like then, between you and him?”

How the fuck do I explain this one? I decide to go with honesty. “Rome’s a bit of a free spirit, independent and adventurous. He just wanted to help me. He wanted to show me that I could go on with my life.”

“Sounds like a hippy.”

I nod. “Yeah, he was a bit of a hippy. He was good for me, Cam. He was exactly what I needed; a bit like you and Tamara, we were friends who fucked. He knew I was going back to England at some stage. I knew he was going back to Western Australia and we were both fine with that.”

“And you didn’t mind that he was Jodie’s ex?” he asks.

“Yeah, well, that’s where it all went tits up. I had no idea and was really pissed off when I found out, but because he’s so laid back, he just didn’t see what the problem was. As far as he was concerned, it was a long time ago and it didn’t matter, but what he and I didn’t know was that he’d gotten her pregnant, and without telling him, she’d got rid of the baby.”

“Fuck,” he says and lets out a breath.

“Yeah, fuck, the relationship meant a lot more to her than it did to him, and when she found out I had been seeing him, she was pissed off.”

We’re both silent for a few seconds, but now his questions have got me thinking.

“What went on between you and her?”

He shifts me off his lap slightly before he starts talking. “It was nothing other than professional. We went to lunch once and dinner twice. Lunch and one of the dinners were business meetings, and then one night, we both finished at the club late and I asked her to have dinner with me. I didn’t see the point in both of us eating alone; that was all there was to it. I didn’t realise she was reading more into it.”

I’m getting pins and needles in my feet so I uncurl my legs and stretch them out in front of me, and because of the way the throw is tangled around us, my bare legs are now on show and I watch as Cam looks along the length of them.

“Is that it, no kissing, no flirting?” I ask.

“What like you’re doing now?”

“What?” I haven’t said a word. How am I flirting?