Page 32 of The Story of Me

“What happened?” he asks me quietly, and I suddenly want to tell him everything. I want to curl up in his big lap, feel his big arms around me and breathe in that unique smell that is Cam.

“Do you still wear Givenchy?” He gives another little chuckle.

“What a strange question. Now stop evading mine and tell me what the fuck happened.”

“I fucked up.”

“What did you do?”

“I got drunk. I got stoned. I snorted coke.”

“Kitten,” he whispers, and I know his eyes are closed. I’m not sure whether or not I should continue but I do.

“And then I couldn’t sleep, so I took a couple of Valium, but I was so fucked-up that I forgot I had taken the Valium already and I took some more.” I say it quickly, and then cringe as I wait for his response, but nothing could prepare me for the roar that comes down the line. I have to move the phone away from my ear it’s so loud. I catch words like ‘who, where, kill, dead, fuck, murder, dead, cunt’ and he says Georgia a lot; not Kitten but Georgia. I put the phone on speaker as a precaution so I don’t have it against my ear.

“Have you finished?” I ask when he finally stops and is breathing heavily into the phone.

“Not by a long fuckin’ shot. What happened? Did Bailey get you to the hospital? The fucker wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“You threatened to shoot my brother.” It wasn’t a question.

“And?”

“He’s my brother and you threatened to shoot him.”

“He threatened to get your dad to blow my balls and my head off.”

“He told me about your head, but he didn’t mention your balls.” I tried to hide the smile in my voice. “And anyway, he only threatened after you did.”

“He wouldn’t tell me anything. He wouldn’t tell me where you were… I was… you scared the fuck out of me, Georgia.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’m a fuckin’ idiot where you’re concerned.”

“But you do care?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” He lets out a long sigh.

“What’s it to you, Kitten? Why do you care that I care? You made your choices a long time ago, and they didn’t involve me.”

“They weren’t choices. I had no control. I explained that to you then.” My heart is pumping the blood around my body at such a rate that I can feel the pressure and hear a ‘whoosh’ in my ears.

“We all have choices, Kitten, and you chose him.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know and I’m sorry for that; I’d do anything for that not to be the case.” That’s such a Cam thing to say.

“I’m glad you care.” And it hits me in that moment just how glad I am that he cares. A wave of so many emotions washes over me. One of them is something I’m not sure of yet, desire is another, then want and of course, guilt.

“Are you?”

“I am.”

“Why?” he asks in a voice that’s so quiet for Cam.