Page 44 of The Starlit Ring (The Chronicles of Liridin #1)

I helped Marius in the Star Room again the next night.

And the next. Our conversations were short, clipped.

My head hadn’t stopped spinning, and he was strangely quiet, almost reluctant to speak.

Occasionally, our eyes would meet, our fingers would brush, and he would smile.

Always the same smile—equal parts sad and affectionate.

What did he see in my eyes? Regret, confusion, desperation? All were accurate. It was torturous to have him so near and willing, and yet I was completely unable to act on my feelings. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—betray Ria. I’d skewer my own beating heart first.

I ached in his presence. Miserably, horribly. Was this love? The endless deprivation, the longing, the fleeting touches? Was this all I was destined for?

The heroines in my favorite books never suffered like this. If there was a period of separation, self-imposed or not, it ended quickly, often with the characters running away together.

But Marius could not leave behind the kingdom he would one day rule, and I could not leave Ria to grapple with my betrayal.

So I would continue to struggle with the ever-widening wound in my chest, and he would go on to marry my sister, and we’d both suffer.

I would leave Tocchia after the wedding.

I’d travel with Avens and carry my grief alongside my sword through the snowy pass.

We’d have to part ways early so that my father wouldn’t learn of his role in my disappearance.

I doubted he would be grateful to Avens for returning me.

Instead, he’d be furious that he hadn’t been immediately notified of my whereabouts.

I hated to desert Ria during such a pivotal time in her life, but what choice did I have? If I stayed, I’d surely end up in her husband’s bed. Even if I didn’t, I’d be in constant agony, drowning in my own desire.

Nor could I risk having a child. I would not subject another human being to the same rejection and ridicule I’d suffered.

For all that I loved Ria, I knew that I would be lucky to be cast out. There was a very real possibility that she might have me killed for such deceit if she ever learned of it. She loved me, but her impulse control was poor, and her emotions ran high. I knew better than to trust her.

I had to leave.

The palace was as empty as my heart. Halls once filled with chatter now echoed with the sound of footsteps.

Everyone kept their heads down as they went about their business.

Aside from the nobles, who still rambled and laughed obnoxiously as they flashed about in their brightly colored clothes, but that was to be expected.

Liridin floated above, casting the land in shadow. For all that I’d once been fascinated by the island, I came to resent it. Whenever I looked out the north-facing windows, the Bridge of Glass shimmered in the sunlight, mocking me. No one was allowed up or down.

On my fourth evening in the Star Room, Prince Marius was especially tense. He waited for me by the door, foot tapping, arms crossed, hair mussed .

My shoulders sagged in relief. His usual energy had returned, and I felt strangely at ease.

I hadn’t known what to do with a grave, overly polite Prince Marius.

Even Ria had noticed the change in his mood, and I was quite certain she made every effort not to pay any more attention to him than necessary.

“There you are!” he cried, spreading his arms wide. “I’ve been waiting exactly six minutes.”

“I’m terribly sorry,” I said, only half-certain he was joking.

“You ought to be. We’ve much to discuss,” he said, whirling around and departing to the study beyond the Star Room.

Oh. My confidence waned. He was serious.

When I caught up to him, he thrust a leather pouch at me. At first, I thought it was a coin purse, but when I squeezed it, I felt the hard, smooth objects inside.

“Those are for you,” said Marius. “Better quality stones than the ones you’ve been using. I’ve been told they ought to hold spells better.”

I stared down at the pouch in my hands. The leather was soft, supple, tooled into a floral pattern. When I peered inside, stones of every color greeted me—red, brown, green, white, grey. Some were banded, others perfectly monochrome. All were smooth, and approximately the size of a hazelnut.

“I know you hunt for stones in the gardens,” said Marius, head tilted, regarding me curiously as I examined his gift. “I thought this might be a little easier for you.”

I actually enjoyed my walks around the garden, though Ria was exasperated each time I seized an appealing stone, stick, or acorn. “Thank you,” I said, heart clenching.

These were expensive. Difficult for an amateur to procure, but less than desirable for a seasoned artificer. Nobody wanted to buy a blade with a chunk of river stone in the hilt when they could have a shiny jewel instead.

Though far from the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me, it was one of the few gifts that I’d ever received with my personal interests in mind.

Once I became an adolescent, King Amonrew had absolutely no idea what to give to me, and while I was perfectly happy with dresses, horses, and access to the forge, it would’ve been nice to receive something a little more personal.

A book, or a trip to the city, or another notebook for my designs.

Even hair ribbons or blown glass figurines.

Whenever Father was at a loss, he simply bought me more dresses.

But Prince Marius brought me rocks, and I was so grateful that my heart ached.

“On that note,” he sighed, dropping onto the stool behind the telescope with such abandon that I worried he might fall right out the open window. “I do have to ask you something. Please don’t consider it an affront.”

I didn’t like the weariness in his expression, the way his lips thinned. As gracefully as I could, I folded into one of the plush armchairs in the corner, and set the pouch on the floor beside me. My heart rabbited in my chest.

“What is it?” I said, trying and failing to remain cheerful.

He ran a hand through his hair, fingers catching on a knot.

He tugged at it idly. “We’ve received communication from King Amonrew in Olmstead regarding his missing daughter, Princess Talina.

I can’t help but notice that you…” He paused, searching for right words.

“…seem to have a few things in common with her.”

I stared at him, eyes so wide that they nearly bugged from my head. “I-That’s not true.” I crossed my arms. “I am exactly who I say I am.”

Marius sighed and got to his feet. He strode past me.

At the end of the room, he turned on his heel to face me once more.

“I am not accusing you of lying,” he said, adjusting his cloak so that it hung elegantly over his shoulders, swishing behind him with every step.

“But I need to know. I will not tell anyone else. I will not send you back to Olmstead. But I must know for certain. For reasons that are… deeply personal and perhaps slightly delusional. ”

Hair tousled, cloak trailing behind him, bruises beneath his wide eyes, he looked fevered and half-mad. A part of me longed to tell him the truth. Another part of me was frozen in fear.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he continued, gesturing with his hands. “I promise. I just need to?—”

A surge of anger, hot and sharp, like a poker to my throat. “What do you mean, you won’t let anything happen to me? You already let me get thrown into the dungeons!”

He stopped in his tracks as if transformed into stone.

Slowly, he faced me, eyes squeezed shut, nose wrinkled.

He blinked, revealing a redness in his eyes, a desperation in his face.

“Arina, I—I… You’re right. I failed you.

” He reached to massage the space between his eyebrows, kneading his fingers over frustrated wrinkles.

“I failed you, and I’m so, so sorry. I had a plan to get you out, but my stepmother was faster.

I—” He returned to his stool and slumped onto it, limp as an overcooked green bean.

“I was so worried. Princess Valeria and I had a truly tremendous fight, and I went out with my knights to scour the city again. I was not the one to discover the culprit—that was Sir Henry, by the way, if you ever want to thank him—but I was...” he trailed off, threading his fingers together, staring straight ahead as he contemplated his next words.

“Extraordinarily grateful that we had no further reason to keep you in the dungeons.”

“Oh,” I said, shocked. Prince Marius himself had gone out searching for evidence? Then why was he so angry after my release? If he cared so much, then he ought to have been relieved to see me. “I hadn’t known… any of this. Thank you. For helping me.”

“But you are right. All I have to offer is my sworn secrecy. I am far less powerful than my father, and I-I know it. I am not a fool. I know what becomes of men who defy him. I would not dare to think that he would show me much in the way of mercy. He might spare my life, but that’s probably the extent of it.

” He scowled. “I was wrong to offer you my protection. ”

Pity and remorse throbbed beneath my skin like a wound.

I knew all too well what it meant to be at the mercy of a king.

A king who claimed to love me, and yet, longed to control me.

My heart, my career, my entire life. I was nothing more than a bargaining chip.

Those good intentions could be squashed under a heavy crown.

Ria was right. We were nothing but pawns on Father’s war map. Any affection he felt for us was offset by the leverage we offered him.

“I’m sure that isn’t true,” I began, but Prince Marius shook his head. Something haunted and dark lingered in his gaze. A devil no words could exorcise.

For a long moment, we stared at each other. Then he smoothed his hands over the legs of his trousers, stood, and said, “Well, you didn’t tell me anything, so I shall have nothing to report. Just be aware that there may be scrutiny upon you.”

I might be in more trouble than I thought. “Did they ask you to report back?”

Blond hair flew as he shook his head vigorously.

“No. But I wanted to be the first to know. I thought damage control might be necessary. That if I knew—” Fists clenched at his sides.

“If I knew, I might be able to either help you continue to hide your identity, or help you come clean, if you were, in fact, Princess Talina.”

My throat tightened. “So if I were Princess Talina, you would have helped me?” My name tasted strange on my tongue after so many months. Like the first bite of a fresh apple after a long winter of preserves and dried fruits.

“To the best of my ability,” said Marius. “Provided I had no reason to believe you committed treason. Which I don’t,” he added quickly.

“That’s very sweet of you,” I began, standing.

How strange it felt to call the prince sweet!

As if he’d ever been anything other than loud and brash and determined.

But over the last few days, I’d seen his softer side, the gentle core hidden beneath spiky outer layers. “But I don’t need protecting.”

He rolled his eyes. “I believe you’ve so far needed protection from my own father, a bear, and the stairs, dearest. Don’t lie to me.”

Dearest . My heart stuttered. No one had ever called me that before. I liked the sound of it. I wanted to hear it again. “I think you needed protection from the bear,” I argued. The corners of my mouth ticked upward.

“I think we’ll have to agree to disagree,” he hummed, feigning offense and turning his back. But when he glanced at me over his shoulder, he was grinning like a fool.

The rest of the evening was spent much the same as the others, with Marius lying haphazardly on the altar, foot twitching off and on, like something kept startling him.

When at last he sat up, his eyes were red, his shoulders slumped. For one awful moment, I thought he might have been crying. But his eyes cleared when he blinked, and he seemed pleased to see me, lighting up like he’d forgotten I was right there the entire time.

“Any luck?”

“No,” he sighed. “I can’t—there’s a block. I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever find an answer.”

“Perhaps tomorrow,” I suggested. I wasn’t entirely sure which visions he sought—ones of the downed messengers, or of the ring?

“Unfortunately, I am wanted in the Sky Kingdom tomorrow, although I am not entirely certain I will go.”

“The Sky Kingdom?” I asked, just managing to keep my voice from becoming a squeal. Would he tell me all about it if he went? Then I realized how I’d miss him if he left, and deflated. “How long will you be gone?”

“Two weeks,” he said through gritted teeth. “That is, if I am allowed to go at all. ”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Marius massaged his temple. “King Hergarv fears I am unfit for the journey. As though I am still a sickly child.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised. It made sense that King Hergarv would take precautions with his heir, but I hadn’t anticipated that Marius would be excluded from such an important diplomatic event. “Have you been ill?”

“Not at all,” said Marius, tapping his chest. “Perfectly healthy. Apparently, I’m clear to navigate Halliway Pass, but not to spend a few hours climbing a bridge.”

“That is… strange,” I agreed. Then again, he’d had a rather impressive army accompany him to Olmstead.

If he suddenly fell ill, there were plenty of people willing and able to assist him.

The spiral bridge, on the other hand, had no neighboring villages, no places to stop and rest. If Marius became incapacitated, there would be nowhere for him to go.

I understood King Hergarv’s precautions, even if I agreed that they were unnecessary.

“Visiting Liridin won’t benefit the land,” he grumbled. “I’m sure that’s the excuse he’ll use.”

“Will Princess Valeria accompany you?”

Marius shook his head. “I sincerely doubt it. The Sky Kingdom is discerning, especially during times like these.”

“Well,” I said, pulling my cloak tightly around me, so that it hugged my body. “I shall miss you.”

He looked at me with familiar warmth in his eyes and smiled. “I shall miss you, too. We shall see if this comes to anything. If I’m forced to stay, then I think I should like to resume as usual tomorrow.”

“Agreed,” I said, starting toward the door. He followed me with something like hesitation. When I noticed, I asked, “What’s wrong?”

But he only shrugged, and said, “It’s nothing to worry about.”

So we started down the dark passageway, hand in hand like always.