Page 45 of The Space Traveller's Lover

DESPERATION

Then don’t look at me with those lust-hungry eyes anymore.

I can’t change what they have prepared for me.

I can’t unwind this carefully woven path.

All my past wishes will soon vanish as if they have never existed.

A new era is coming for me. It is already in my body, running through my blood and soon will take over my mind, usher me into a new world.

But there’s still a feeble voice inside of me urging me to challenge all that .

As Shaillah lies down in deep thoughts on the abyssal edge of the quasi-world chamber, she waits until the swirling cloud of virtual particles dissipates around her.

When she enters the space-tunnel, she can’t stop thinking about getting one final view of her planet. All her thoughts lead her into the central processor’s antechamber.

Descending through the sparkling mist, she agonises, thinking this would be her last chance to see Earth and the humans as she now knows them.

She listens out for anyone’s presence—all is quiet.

As soon as she lands at the edge of the scintillating inner chamber, she thinks of the coordinates she’s looking for.

The thin edges of Earth’s globe start to take shape against the ghostly medium, getting sharper as the whole surface glistens with wispy blue, white, and green hues.

The full view of the planet comes into focus in an instant.

It looks peaceful and majestic, as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening down below.

Gazing at her world’s innate beauty, she breathes in deeply, feeling an overwhelming urge to protect it.

Shaillah makes the three-dimensional image rotate slowly until the vastness of the Pacific Ocean fills the whole surface with an intense dark turquoise blue. Scattered rosy clouds glimmer over the serene ocean as the evening sun shines through.

Shaillah’s eyes widen as she zooms in on the island of Tinian.

She finds it hard to believe that her beloved island has changed so much as she gazes upon the gleaming constructions rising so high from their shiny metallic bases and sprawling over the once rustic landscape.

The remnants of her island seem about to crack open and collapse under the massive structures.

The newly rebuilt areas are unrecognisable under the maze of marble and gold buildings and long-spanning bridges.

But through the wild patches left untouched, Shaillah can still perceive the innate nature of her beloved island.

The same seabirds glide through the skies; the same playful dolphins jump out of the water.

She scours her favourite places where she used to horse ride by the seashore or swim through the high tide’s strong currents.

I was there last year. But it feels like a century has passed .

As she looks everywhere, she promptly discards her anxious thoughts, trying to deny to herself what or who she wants to find.

But she keeps inspecting every place. She cannot stop her thorough search, even though she knows by now that time is not on her side.

Then she notices two widening frothy trails on the sea surface near El Cuchillo, and she zooms in as fast as she can.

She smiles joyfully when she recognises the dark green colours of Sam’s speedboat, followed by a second one in fast pursuit.

The boats bump harshly over the waves, with ever-increasing speed, their bows pointing so high it seems they are about to flip over.

Shaillah suddenly fears Sam is in danger, but soon she realises what’s going on when she sees the pursuer is no other than Bill Sheppard. Sam’s lively hand gestures prompt his father to catch up, while his carefree laugh shows how much he’s enjoying the boat race.

“I’m pleased he’s happy,” she whispers, “doing what he loves.”

She allows herself some more time to enjoy the view.

It pains her to turn off the projection, but she has to.

As she’s about to set off, her attention goes back to Sam as he does a swift turn while she zooms in closer into the boat.

There, carefully strapped-in, a windswept Blazer, tongue sticking out while excitedly panting, is riding by Sam’s side.

“Blazer!” she calls out as if her dog could hear her.

Her eyes hurt as the tears break through her aching eyelids, but she lets them flow in abundance, at the same time thinking that she must soon stop.

Her face sets in a stern determined expression; she remembers that she has more pressing matters to attend to.

It’s time to move on. She firmly says to herself.

“Bye, Blazer. Bye, Sam!” Her voice quivers, and she can’t get herself to turn off the projection.

Instead, she zooms out slowly and starts to imagine how she’ll see her beautiful planet on her departure flight.

The receding images of Earth are so realistic she thinks she’s flying through space.

Soon, she’s weaving through the encircling destroyer-crafts’ deadly web as she focuses her attention on the crater-covered surface of the upcoming Moon.

But it’s the stunning views of a dazzling starship, floating majestically over the Moon’s edge, that ultimately takes her breath away.

She contemplates its massive gleaming fuselage, realising she’s beholding the long-pointed ringed body of the Rom-Ghenshars’ lead mothership.

She has seen it in Kuzhma-Or’s bulky talisman he wears on special occasions.

She has seen it on their uniform badges and the backrest’s engravings, and she has seen it in the numerous stereoscopic images all across their compound.

But she could never have imagined it would fill her with so much awe and fear the moment she saw it lingering so close to planet Earth.

Shaillah feels numb and helpless as she ponders the forthcoming doom.

In her desperation, all she can think of is to go and find Rothwen and plead for his mercy.

She flies up through the antechamber, then dashes through the UniverseScope’s arena, accelerating with all her vigour and sheer force of will—before remembering she can get into the space-tunnel.

She reaches the central hexagonal platform, leaning over the golden rails as they reflect the tenuous rays of the looming sunrise.

The flickering orange lights on the hovering departure-craft make her stomach churn, reminding her that, as soon they all depart, the human race will come to a devastating end .

She turns around, but her body suddenly bumps against a solid barrier. She is so overwhelmed with anguish that it takes her a few seconds to realise it’s Rothwen, who is holding her close against his chest.

“Shaillah, at last you’re here. What’s wrong with you?” He tries to keep her steady, but she keeps breathing heavily, still struggling to break free.

“I asked Zula for guidance. I saw the mothership,” she snaps, glaring at him through the wet hair strands dangling over her forehead.

“I see,” he says impassively.

Rothwen’s frosty expression disheartens her, but she continues with her plea nevertheless.

“Then I ran, I ran looking for you. I ran to beg you. Please stop this monstrous plan. What you are about to destroy is very special … irretrievable. It is part of my history—our history.”

“I can’t … and I won’t,” Rothwen grabs her firmly by her shoulders as if trying to make her abandon her plight. But Shaillah keeps looking at him with imploring eyes.

“Shaillah, we have bigger things to worry about. Soon, we will be leaving on Ei Reishojen and meet the rest of our Grand Fleet, ready for our next mission.”

As Rothwen speaks, his face hardens up, his steely piercing gaze exuding such immovable resolve that Shaillah knows by now she has lost her battle. Her body writhes in torment as if she is at the point of total breakdown.

“Do it for us. Oh, Rothwen, do it for our love!” she pleads as if this is her final chance. But all she gets for her most heartfelt clamour is an indifferent glacial stare.

“What do you mean ‘our love’? I don’t love you, Shaillah. I don’t care … about you,” he bluntly tells her, every word hitting on her soul like a heavy axe.

“Right,” she gasps as her shattered heart jolts and flips inside her aching chest. But deep down in her soul, Shaillah feels the tiniest of hopes that, after all, he may be lying. And that remotest of possibilities fills her with renewed purpose.

She confronts him again, looking straight into his searing gaze, their pupils locked in a silent contest of willpower. “Then don’t look at me with those lust-hungry eyes anymore,” she says, her gaze and voice full of remorse.

“Fine!” Rothwen snaps. “Everything is going to be all right. Athguer can blank out all these weak human feelings of yours, and you won’t have to worry about them—ever.”

“You do not tell me what to do. I can take care of myself,” she shouts and spits in his face.

Rothwen groans, grasping her wrists behind her back as he walks up to the guard rails, making her walk close beside him. She has no room to even attempt to break free.

“Our aircraft is ready to depart. We must go now.” He orders in an unyielding tone.

Shaillah stops struggling, easing her heavy breathing and nodding in submission. Her gaze turns humble and obedient, so Rothwen lets go of his tight grasp.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks her, trying to look into her eyes.

But she abruptly turns her face away.

“As you wish. It’s up to you how you feel, what you think.” Rothwen seethes while she stays resignedly still.

He extends his hand to her impatiently. “Take my hand. Let’s go!”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Shaillah steps back, still avoiding looking at Rothwen.

“You can’t stay here. I probably won’t come back for another thousand years.” Rothwen softens his voice as he tentatively walks towards her.

“Get away from me!” she cries in despair while running to the other side of the platform.

She climbs on the broad railings and looks down on the wavy ocean as if she is about to jump into the air. And then she looks back at him, squinting her eyes and pursing her lips in contempt.

“Don’t touch me, or I will burn you,” she threatens as he approaches, her exasperated glare making him stop in his tracks.

Rothwen has never seen her so incensed before, not even when he returned after his long absence.

For a brief moment, he doesn’t even recognise her and starts blaming himself.

An unexpected uncomfortable shiver runs through his entire body.

But he promptly dismisses it, determined to finish off this brief impasse .

He tentatively steps forwards, but immediately baulks at the sight of a scouting-craft rising behind her.

“Are you crazy?” he shouts, pointing at the hovering aircraft.

“That’s right, Rothwen. We are all crazy—starting with you,” She bursts out. “I’m going back home, my real home. You can do to me what you are planning for them.”

“Shaillah, you’ll struggle to survive if you leave.” He warns.

“Good then! I don’t care.” She smirks as she jumps into the aircraft and jets off.

Rothwen leans over the slippery railings, watching her fly away, clasping the metal bars with such force they curve under his thick fingers. He shakes his head while focusing his piercing gaze on the dome’s vaulted walls.

At the edge of the gaping barrier, Shaillah suddenly stops to gather her thoughts. She doesn’t know what will become of her, but her turmoil is such she cannot think straight. She takes a deep breath and holds it while thrusting the aircraft forward.

But no matter how hard she tries, the aircraft keeps bouncing back, unable to break through the impenetrable wall.

“Damn you, Rothwen,” she shouts over and over, trying time after time to push through while bearing the brunt of the violent crashes, with utmost resolve but without success.

Then she hears the roaring engines close behind her.

As she looks back, she sees Rothwen inside a second scouting-craft, starting to push hers towards the ground.

Immediately, she counter-attacks. She speeds off and swiftly turns around, ramming her craft’s sharp front against the rear of Rothwen’s aircraft.

But to her dismay, now both aircraft are stuck to each other, and she cannot move hers, as her craft stops responding to her thought-commands altogether.

Rothwen controls both aircraft, keeping them hovering above the shore, while he walks out of his top deck and into Shaillah’s cockpit. Before she has time to react, Rothwen holds her firmly in his arms while she is struggling to breathe.

“Sorry. I’m very sorry, but I have to do this,” he whispers while tightening his powerful arms around her until she isn’t moving anymore .

As Rothwen releases his grasp, Shaillah’s limp body slides between his arms and slumps on the floor. He kneels beside her, checking for any injuries. She has multiple bruises, and she has stopped breathing, but her skin glows subtly under his touch.

“At the end of it all, Shaillah, you are a Rom-Ghenshar. And Rom-Ghenshars never flee from one another, never retreat, never surrender. Suan enjie.”

He loads her body onto his back, tightening her up with his belt and back straps.

As he stands up, her limp head rests on his bare neck, her long straggly hair sprawling over his broad shoulders.

He jumps into the air, heading towards the waiting departure-craft.

As he flies off, he sends a command to the jammed scouting-crafts to self-destruct in a fireball implosion, lighting up the sky and the ocean with a yellow-green incandescent glow.