Page 50 of The Souls We Claim

I’m an expert at hearing what isn’t said.

It all became clear when I stepped outside, Lola in my arms, and saw the front of the house. My legs shook as Halo hurried us to his truck.

On the ride, Halo told me someone set fire to his father’s house.

My heart is still racing, my palms sweaty, as we pull into the crowded clubhouse lot. And while I don’t love the idea of sleeping among all these people, I feel safer in numbers.

“Grab Lola, and I’ll bring everything else in,” Halo says as he parks.

There are more trucks than bikes. I guess when people have to move their families into lockdown, their vehicle choices make sense.

A yawn escapes. I’d been sleeping beneath a light sheet when Halo arrived home. Now my body is demanding I return to bed.

“Fuck it. You walk, I’ll carry Lola, get you both settled, and then I’ll come get the stuff.”

I shake off the yawn with a sniff. “I’m good. I can get her.”

“You’re dead on your feet, kitten. Just get inside.”

When Halo tells me to do something, I get ripples. Lots of them. Ripples over my skin. Ripples through my core.

Even more since he told me in the garage that he was a dominant. I wonder if he means in the bedroom or everywhere.

Patrick once tried the domination thing. He got frustrated when I couldn’t make myself come on demand. He said I was a terrible submissive, and I believed him.

But now…

Halo glances my way. He must see the pink in my cheeks. “You’re gonna be the death of me. Let’s go.”

I get out of the truck, and Halo grabs Lola from her car seat. The back of her head is a little sweaty, and she’s just in a little short-sleeve onesie. She looks tiny in his arms as his hand stretches across her back, and I swear I feel the bite of longing for a child of my own.

It washes over me occasionally, but nothing can fill the gap. I think that’s part of why Patrick was so angry. I couldn’t have kids. He got tested and was fine. So, it had to be me. Just never had the money to do all the tests. And even if we did the tests,there was no way we had the funds to do IVF or any of those kinds of things.

Halo lets me into his room, where he turns on a muted lamp so as not to wake Lola. When I was here for Lola’s party, I only really saw the bar, kitchen, and the medical room. The room is orderly, but a slightly weird L shape. There is a wide bed that takes up a large portion of the immediate space, with a wooden dresser and narrow desk opposite. Where the room turns into the bottom of the L, there is a wardrobe and some unused space before an opening to a bathroom.

“Cozy,” I say.

“You okay if Lola sleeps in here with you?”

“Sure. Is there something I can put her in or on?”

Halo hands the sleeping Lola to me. “Think Dad and Mercy had something in their room. I’m going to go sleep in there. Let me go check.”

There’s a lot of noise outside the door as families arrive and settle. But here, in the sanctuary of Halo’s room, I hear the little snuffle of Lola’s breathing near my ear. I love the way she snuggles into my shoulder, her weight heavy in my arms.

The door opens wide, and Halo carries in a play pen with a thick mattress and a light sleep sack. He places it around the corner near the bathroom. Then he disappears again without a word.

Like everything unsaid, the vibration of frustration and anger are palpable.

With Patrick, I wouldn’t mention it. If I asked, I’d probably learn I was the cause of it. But I find myself wanting to soothe Halo, even as I know it might be a risk given I’m uncertain how he’s going to respond.

While he’s gone, I place Lola down into the little sleep sack, zip it up, and stroke her forehead. She snuffles and wiggles around a little, but quickly falls back to sleep. Quickly, I use thebathroom. I don’t have a toothbrush, but I put a little of Halo’s toothpaste on my finger and do the best I can.

Halo returns with all our bags and places them on the floor. His eyes linger on me for a moment. A steady perusal. I’m still in my pajamas. Cotton shorts and a soft pink T-shirt. “Get into bed, Arianne,” he says, his voice rough.

He turns on his heel and leaves again.

Even though I’m tired, I’m wired. I’m thirsty too.