Page 21

Chapter Seventeen

Vivienne

“ A re you fucking kidding me?” Brooke’s eyes are so wide, I’m afraid if she keeps this up, they’ll stay that way.

I sip my Diet Coke. “Nope.” I came clean to them about everything. The night at the beach, and every encounter with Reed since. It feels good.

“Well,” Ricky says, stacking her feet on the edge of my bed, leaning back in my desk chair. “What are you gonna do about it?”

I let out a sigh, and tell them the complete truth. My plan isn’t great, but based on their reactions and feedback, I know I’ll find out just how bad it really is. “I’m gonna try and make it work with Murray, and tell him I’m pregnant.”

Brooke, eyes still wide, shakes her head, reaching for a french fry without looking. She brings a fistful to her mouth, and talks as she chews. “But you said you and Mur haven’t slept together.”

I shake my head. “We haven’t. Just… hands, hand stuff.”

“Hand stuff?” Brooke repeats, aghast. “How will he ever believe it’s his?”

I look down at my Coke, the drink I should have only in moderation now that I’m pregnant.

“I’m not going to try to trick him, I could never do that.

I’m going to tell him I had unprotected sex when I lost my virginity, that the father isn’t even someone I know anymore, that I don’t want an abortion, and that I’d understand if he wants to break it off with me. ”

Both of my friends sigh. I take the last drink of my soda, savoring it since I can’t have another until tomorrow.

“Do you want him to step up or break it off?” Brooke asks.

I tip my head to the side and give my friends a what do you think expression. “Ideally I get to be with the baby’s father. But since that’s impossible, then, I hope he stays. He would be a good partner.” Tears sting the backs of my eyes but I don’t let them fall. “He’d be a good dad.”

Silence fills in the room around us. I know Brooke doesn’t know what to say, and if Ricky does have something to say, she’s keeping her mouth shut. But I need to know what they think. I need to know just how bad I’m fucking up my life, and Murrays, too.

“I can postpone university. My dad won’t like it, and he certainly won’t like that I’m…

diverting from all of my life goals. But I can do it.

” I look up to meet their eyes, to get a pulse on the situation.

Brooke’s brows are pulled together, and Ricky’s face is impassive as she patiently waits for the rest. “I will tell Murray it’s not his, but ask that we do life to gether.

I think he loves me and I do love him. I mean, I’m not in love with him but I love him.

You know? I’ll have the baby and stay in Bipal near my parents and his, and me and the baby will go to see him on the weekends.

And when he’s signed to the NFL, well, we’ll be a traveling football family. ”

Brooke’s voice is quiet. “When will you go to college?”

I chew the inside of my cheek. “Maybe the first year he’s on a team, if he rides the bench, I’ll start then and take accelerated course loads.” I run my hand through my hair, suddenly swarmed with nerves and anxiety. I shrug casually. “I’ll figure it out.”

Ricky drops her feet from the bed, growing serious. “You know, if you wanted to not have the baby?—”

I wave my hand through the air, because that’s not an option.

Not for me. Not knowing it’s Reed’s baby.

A baby that was conceived under the best circumstances, that was made by two people who care for each other, who will forever be linked together by marriage.

Our parents' marriage, but still. I can’t do that simply because it complicates my life. “I’m having the baby.”

Ricky sighs. “Okay, well I support whatever choice you make. But I do want to go on record saying I think you should at least tell Reed what’s going on.” She shakes her head. “You and Reed, I still can’t believe it. Explains the way he looked at your before the Club that night, though.”

Brooke closes the box of fries, her face devoid of color.

“You told me that you guys didn’t sleep together that night on the beach.

You said you guys didn’t–” Her words trail off, hurt radiating off of her in palpable waves.

“You lied to me. We connected in the store, you wouldn’t have anyone at Dulce without me,” she says, hurt rattling her voice.

She’s not wrong. “We’ve been friends since and–” she shakes her head.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you guys slept together without a condom?

I could have taken you to get a Plan B.”

I shake my head, panic rising up my throat as emotion cramps my side.

“I know–I should have told you. I should have gotten a Plan B but I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head, getting worked up.

“I didn’t think I’d get pregnant, Brooke.

It was my first time! Who gets pregnant the very first time they have sex? !”

“That’s why sex exists! To make babies! And your uterus didn’t know it was the first time. Your body doesn’t understand cruel irony, Vivienne. Grow up! Of course you can get pregnant the first time!”

“I know that now!” I shout, angry and hurt, frustrated and confused. “Why–why are you so upset with me? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Reed and I that first night but what does it matter? I told you how I felt about him. You know I’m in love with him!”

She blinks, and her mouth falls apart, and I think maybe I broke her because we stand there in a few more moments of silence with her completely rigid.

Ricky clears her throat. “Hey, Vivienne,” she starts, but I shake my head, still looking at Brooke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that detail but I was.

. I don’t know, ashamed? Embarrassed? And I’ve been in agony for months, Brooke.

I die inside every day just a tiny bit when I see him.

Do you know what that’s like? To want someone, be forced to see them, listen to them, smell them every fucking day but have to exercise the utmost restraint?

I’m sorry I lied but Jesus Christ, Brooke.

I’ve been in hell.” Out of breath, I slow my yelling and sink onto the bed.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, but Brooke reaches for her purse, and so does Ricky.

“Call me later,” she says, and before I have a chance to get confused, Reed steps inside. He was standing at the open door the entire time? That’s why Brooke froze up.

Oh my god . “Reed,” I start, but he kicks the door shut behind him, fire dancing in his eyes. He takes his glasses off, nostrils flaring, and hovers over me.

“Reed, I don’t know what you heard but–”

“You were going to go live a life with him, give up college, give up everything, and raise my baby with another man.” He shakes his head, his eyes finding their way to my lips, stealing a heated glance. “Vivienne,” he starts. “Are you really pregnant?”

I glance at the door, but notice it isn’t locked, so I quickly go and twist the deadbolt, returning to Reed, standing face to face with him.

We haven’t been this physically close for more than a few seconds in a while.

My entire body purrs for him. My soul screams out to him. My heart belong to him.

I tug my hoodie off, tossing it to the floor, and take off my t-shirt and bra next.

Standing completely naked from the waist up, I bring his hands to my breasts, cupping them over my naked skin.

Wetness blooms between my legs at the electric shock of his skin against mine, but I press on.

“Do you feel how full they’re getting?” I whisper. He groans, but his eyes are wet.

I slide his hands to my belly, which is no longer flat. A tiny bump rests there, sleek but hard. He holds my stomach in his hands, and my heart, too. “Vivienne,” he says… but he doesn’t say anything else.

“We made a baby that night at the beach,” I whisper .

He kisses me, but not wet or hot, not sloppy or urgent. Rather, his kiss is slow and methodical, like he’s tasting every part of my mouth and committing it to memory, in case he doesn’t have it again any time soon.

“I fell in love with you that night,” he says. “I love you, Vivienne.”

I don’t say it back. It doesn’t matter anymore. Saying it back would be selfish, for both of us. Right now, we have to think of making the best of the situation.

“Move out. Please. Make this easier.” I lick my lips, my heart racing a mile a minute. I feel sick, like I could puke, and the back of my neck grows sweaty and uncomfortable. “I have to be with Murray. You know I have to.”

Reed shakes his head, sliding his hands up to my neck, holding me still, keeping my focus on him. As if I want to look anywhere else. “Vivienne, stop.”

I let myself study the arch of his top lip one last time before meeting his eyes.

“Everything you have, you owe to her. And everything I have, I owe to him. Maribel and my dad waited a long time for each other. I’ve been lying to my dad so much and look what it got me!

I’m in trouble now, Reed. I’m in trouble!

” My heart thumps so fast and so hard that my vision blurs at the edges, but his eyes frantically search mine and I can't stop. I can’t, not now.

“Of course I love you! Of course I’m in love with you!

I was in love with you from the moment you said hi to me at arcane’s.

You passed me a fork wrapped in a napkin and my skin burned when yours touched mine.

I would have sold my soul to the devil in that moment just to have that night with you.

” Tears glide down my cheeks, flush with heat, scorched from my confession.

“But Maribel doesn’t deserve that, and neither does my dad. ”

He shakes his head, his hands sliding down my neck to my arms, then over my chest, stopping over my heart. “Please don’t do this,” he whispers as my heart slams against his palms pressed into my chest. “I love you, I need you, Vivienne. We haven’t even had a chance yet. Give us a chance.”

“With a baby?” I shake my head, trying as hard as I can to ignore the raw affection pouring from him. He’s so genuine, and I have no doubt now that Reed loves me. But I love him more. And I can’t let him ruin everything. “Move out. Enjoy college. And let me do this.”

I move past him and pull open my bedroom door, staring down at my feet, hoping he leaves.

He does leave.

And I close my door and crawl into bed. It’s only seven but I’m exhausted, and my heart is too heavy for anything but sleep.