Page 15 of The Shadow Fae Rhapsody (Elven Fantasy Romance #3)

Chapter 14 Rhianelle

I think I must have fallen asleep the second my head hit the pillow. Svenn was right there beside me before I closed my eyes. I love it when he stays with me at night. My husband is terrifying enough that he scares all my nightmares away. But I don’t wake up to his comforting presence.

A knock on my door rouses me from my sleep instead. I overhear the commotion among the helpers in Wesley’s keep. Is it a fire?

I slide off the bed, feeling a little dazed and confused.

The banging on the door is persistent. I step out into the corridor in my nightgown. Three knights rush up the staircase at the other end of the corridor towards the roof.

What are they all doing in my tower? They usually steer clear of this place because of Svenn. It’s odd that Darstan is not on his post today.

Instead, I find Young Cedwyn on his knees. A young lady in a sage’s robe lies on the floor beside him with her eyes closed.

Be careful, Rhianelle, the Un whispers.

I crouch next to him, examining the sickened girl. “What’s wrong with her?” I ask.

The squire’s eyes fly to me immediately. “My queen, please help. I don’t know what else to do.”

He moves aside so I can look at the girl better, his forehead creasing with concern. I check her wrist for a pulse. It’s strong, steady, and regular.

“She probably just fainted,” I assure him. I pass some Anastarros blessings into the young sage, just in case.

“Thank heavens.” Cedwyn heaves a relief sigh.

Two Hlaryan elves acolyte arrive just in time and fumble towards us.

“Take her straight to Lady Deirdre at the infirmary,” I order the pair. “Make sure she’s well hydrated.”

They nod and immediately assist their new patient. Just as they’re leaving, I see another batch of guards headed to the rooftop. I can’t quite make out what they are saying.

What is going on?

I don’t think I voice the question out loud, but Cedwyn turns to me.

“There’s something you should see, my queen,” the squire says urgently.

Oh?

The boy suddenly pulls my hand and drags me along with him.

“Where are we going, Cedwyn?” I ask, exasperatedly. This is highly inappropriate. I didn’t even get to change my clothes. My bedroom slippers are slipping at the speed of his run.

The boy glances over his shoulder to look at me. “You’ll see soon enough.”

He takes me to the topmost level of the east tower. I scrunch my nose as the wind carries something foul. The horrific metallic stench of blood and entrails fills my nostrils.

Cedwyn doesn’t have to point at whatever he intended for me to see. I just have to follow the flock of descending crows from the sky.

My mouth falls open at the sight of bodies piled in front of the city gate. I barely hear whatever Cedwyn is mumbling as I stare at the macabre sight before me.

You don’t even know what you have in your possession. The Rhunhraefn whispers in my head. We made that monster.

“The vampire went on a rampage and charged at the rebels all on his own—”

“All on his own?” I interrupt the squire abruptly.

“Yes, I think I’m going to throw up,” he says with disgust, covering his mouth. “One of the guards says the vampire has them lined up all the way to Tavan fortress, paved like a road to hell—”

“Where is he, Cedwyn?” I ask without delay.

“At the stable—”

I whirl from the gruesome display and run straight towards the keep’s ground. Svenn faced the rebel army alone? But Akaloth has thousands of followers. Darts of fear shoot up my vein at the very thought. I can hardly drag a breath into my lungs as I descend the stairs in a haste.

Heavens above, please, please.

What if he’s hurt? My heart drops to the pits of my stomach.

Please be all right.

I keep praying as I strut towards the last room at the back of the enclosure.

Gods help me. I need him to be all right. I need him… I just need him.

I want to see his stupid smile. I want to kiss it again over and over.

The pattering sound of the shower is close. I push the double wooden door and barge right into the washroom.

Svenn is standing there in all his glory, looking like a god, or like he has just slaughtered one. He braces one muscular arm against the wall, letting the running water wash the blood, gore, and mud away.

I’m silent so he doesn’t see me yet. I kick the hay to make my presence known.

My pulse kicks up several notches when his massive shoulder turns. His wild gaze lands on me, his eyes burning like molten metal.

I take a deep breath and exhale, giving my heart time to slow down its pounding rhythm.

I stare at Svenn for several seconds.

“There’s a dagger on your back,” I finally say.

A pause, then he loosens a breath.

“The fucker who put it there is dead,” he replies, his voice a little higher than usual, fighting against the sound of the running water.

His gaze locks on me. The intensity in his eyes steals my breath away.

My throat is bone dry from fear, but I force the words into my mouth. “Turn around. I’ll remove it for you.”

It takes a moment for him to shift his searing gaze from me and do as I ask. I slowly walk towards his broad back. My heart thumps a little harder at the proximity. The blade extracts smoothly from his flesh and I throw it away. His wound heals before the weapon hits the wooden floor.

We both fall silent.

Nothing fills my ear but the constant sound of running water. I pick up a washcloth hanging from the partition and start scrubbing his already clean back.

After a moment of prolonged silence, Svenn finally exhales. “Say something, Nel.”

I was so afraid something had happened to him, I can’t stop shaking. Now I’m just angry.

“Going after the enemy alone like that is so reckless,” I snap, fury brimming my every word. “You could have died—”

“Rhianelle… I can’t be killed,” he interrupts me.

This man doesn’t know of the ball of dread lodged in my throat earlier. I was so scared. I still am. My heart is slamming so hard in its cavity I’m afraid it might hurt itself.

“I have been broken to pieces until all that is left are bones and teeth,” he says quietly. “Even if they incinerate me to ashes, I will return.”

I choke on a breath at his confession. My anger shifts to sorrow.

Oh Svenn.

His strength is far beyond my wildest imagination. Most people will refuse to relinquish such power. But Svenn wants to become human again.

That’s all he ever wanted.

“We keep doing Lilith and her heirs’ bidding.” His voice turns distant, haunted with memories. “Some of the curse bearers promised to release us after a decade, then came another decade and then a century. They all lied.”

I look at the Arawynn deal on my wrist.

Kill the Fae King.

Guilt mounts in my chest. I should have just granted his request without a condition.

“Immortality at the cost of our soul. I will never rest. I will never know peace. That is the unholy existence I must suffer as long as the curse remains,” he continues. “I am damned for eternity.”

“I will unravel your curse,” I promise as I brush his broad back more gently now. Each of his taut muscles is clearly defined. I look at the mess of vicious scars. A map of pain and suffering. I trace my fingers along them.

His body tenses. “Nel, what are you doing?”

Svenn’s home, and I can finally breathe again. I rest my head right between his shoulder blades and my eyes water.

“Can I look at you now?” he asks, trying to turn around to me.

“No.”

“Rhianelle…”

“Don’t,” I warn him, keeping my forehead planted on his skin. The shower rains on me, mixing with my tears.

“Is this some kind of punishment?” he asks, his breath hitching. “If it is. It’s fucking working, Nel.”

He tries to swivel again but I shake my head.

“Please,” he pleads.

I finally give him a soft nod. He feels that small movement on his back and turns around.

His hand slides to my throat as he angles my chin up.

“Are you crying for me?” he asks, disbelief lacing his voice.

“No,” I lie tersely.

He strokes my cheek with his knuckles at the evidence. His touch is gentle, almost soothing, a complete opposite to the violence he unleashed on the field.

A strand of his raven hair falls over his face. I try to resist the urge to brush it from his face.

But I fail. I feel him tense at the touch.

He leans closer and I take the opportunity to trace his jaw. It feels like I’m in a trance as my fingertips continue their path down to his neck and chest.

My hand trembles when I realize what I just did. The man had just told me how he suffered because of the curse bearers, yet here I am, touching him.

I cease my selfish act immediately. Before I can turn away, Svenn pulls me to him, spinning me in step. He pins me to the backwall, bracketing me in with his forearms. There’s no way I can escape him now.

“Why did you stop? What’s wrong, Rhianelle?” He almost growls.

“It’s nothing,” I say, averting my gaze so I don’t have to look at the agony in the dark abyss of his eyes.

His expression turns almost sad. “Are you afraid of me?

“No! It’s not like that.” I panic.

“Then what is it?” he asks sharply.

I bite my inner cheek, unable to escape the question or his gaze.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper, fearful of my own voice.

I hold my breath as he leans forward. “Hurt me? How?”

My heart squeezes in its cavity. I don’t want to have to answer that. But I’ve avoided this long enough…

“I know Lilith wants you.” I force the words out through the tightness in my chest. “Do you—”

Do you need time?

The question stalls in my throat. Because I know I’m a curse bearer. I know I’ll always be a reminder of the disgusting things they’ve done to him. There is not enough time in the world to erase that.

I try to make another impossible escape again, pushing against his chest. I may as well be pushing a dwarven-made wall.

I can’t run now. Heavens help me, please.

His dark eyes are staring at me, and I feel like I’ve lost the ability to breathe. “What did you want to ask me, Rhianelle? Do I want her?”

No, that’s not it… I shake my head.

“I never saw her—or any of them that way,” he says before I can explain myself. He pauses for a long beat. “But that did not stop them from trying.”

A painful ache takes root in my heart.

“I know,” I say with a shaky breath. “They showed me.”

Bile coalesces in my gut as I remember the way the curse bearers flaunt their revelation with wicked glee.

“Tell me exactly what they showed you,” he says, his jaw clenching.

I don’t want to say anything more. I want to run away, but his body is like granite against mine, cold and hard.

My lips tremble as I try to meet his demand. “I’ve seen the curse bearers torture you, abuse you. They chained you and poured boiling water over you and…”

What the Vulture did to him next was so vile I don’t dare speak of it. I rub my eyes with my fist at the memory.

His head jerks back in surprise. “You saw that…?”

I nod.

The Vulture fooled Svenn into believing she would release him from the Rhunhraefn if he—

“Did you ever finish watching what they did to me?” His voice interrupts my thoughts.

I shake my head.

“All my secrets are at your disposal,” he says, his breath fluttering against my skin. “Go on. Take a look, Rhianelle.”

My heart threatens to stop. He wants me to see his past?

“It’s all right,” he reassures me, but I hear it in his voice. The pain, the hollowness.

The memories are hard for me to watch. I know it has to be even more painful for him. Yet Svenn wants to share this with me.

“Look,” he persuades me gently.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Svenn opens his mind to me, and I enter freely at the invitation. This time I will force myself to witness the rest of the Vulture’s torment on him.

My heart lurches in panic the moment I see them in that small room. Svenn in chains with a boiling cauldron hanging over his head.

She draws closer to him, planting her hand on his chest. The disgust is apparent on his face. I feel like vomiting.

“Will you make love to me for your freedom?” she croons seductively. The curse bearer smooths her hand on his abdomen.

Anger burns like wildfire in my veins. I want to scream at her for touching what is mine. I want to claw her face into shreds.

Svenn grits his teeth at her touch. I feel a lick of dread crawling up my spine for what is about to happen next.

“I swear I’ll let you go,” she promises, gliding her hand higher up his chest like it’s her given right. “You’ll finally have your eternal rest.”

Liar.

I look at the kindle of hope in Svenn’s eyes and my heart shatters.

She’s lying, Svenn. She’s lying. She’s lying.

But that glint I see in his gaze suddenly burns into rage. In a fraction of a second, he grabs the Vulture’s wrist and crushes it.

“Damn you, vampire,” she curses. Her upper lip curls back as she shrieks from the pain. Horror and shock blends on her face when she looks at the wrath of the stars flaring in his face. The quick turn of event surprises me as well. Before the Vulture can utter her order, Svenn buries his hand inside his chest and rips out his own heart.

I watch in horror as his body slumps to the ground.

Wait what?

It all happens in less than a complete heartbeat. I take a shuddering breath, my brain failing to process what I see fast enough.

Dozens of similar scenes flash before me where the curse bearers make more attempts on him. They all had the same endings, only different kind of deaths where he took his life. The terrifying sight has my nausea rising. I cover my eyes with my hands to look away from the pain and suffering he endured, but it’s no use. The events keep playing in my head and I have to witness every horror.

“I’ve never fucked any of them.” Svenn’s hoarse whisper brings me back to the present. “I killed myself over and over before they could touch me. Is that what you were worried about—”

My heart is beating so fast I feel lightheaded. Emotion clogs my throat and my world blacks out.

“Rhianelle!”

I’m drifting in the darkness. But I can’t escape the horrifying images of his deaths. They are carved at the back of my eyes. It’s so unfair he had to go through that… A person can go mad from that kind of torture.

“Nel!” I feel Svenn calling for me.

I peel my eyes open and meet his gaze, his eyes soft as they look at me. I would have fallen to the cold floor if not for his powerful arm around my waist.

Concern etches into the lines of his handsome face. “Little fawn, what’s wrong?”

The tide of sorrow drowns me. I can’t stop the tears from shedding down my eyes. “Svenn, what you showed me is so much worse. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”I scrub my face with my shaky hands. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to comfort me, but I can’t stop crying. Not when my heart is cracked and splintered.

Svenn holds himself very still as he stares at me. He visibly swallows and continues, “Soon they gave up any attempt of taking me and learned I was better off as a weapon than a toy.”

A small pause. “So they went after my brother.”

The sheer agony in that voice makes me want to wrap my arms around him. “One day Bas saw what they tried to do to me, saw that I’d rather rip my own throat out than let them touch me, and he snapped. That’s how we finally got rid of her.”

He leans forward and I bury my face in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Is this why you were afraid to touch me?” He presses with another question.

I barely manage a nod.

“It was a long time ago,” he mutters against my temple. “Touch me, Nel.”

I want to.

But I’m not certain if I can touch him without causing him pain. “I’ll hurt you.”

He leans forward, his eyes immediately grow heavy lidded. “You won’t.”

I stare at him, desire flaring in my chest.

His body is shielding me from the sprinkler directly above us. The droplets that manage to trickle down my skin create goosebumps everywhere.

I lift a trembling hand and touch his face. He’s clean shaven for my Nameday celebration yesterday. I find myself longing for some stubble.

My fingertips trail down to the column of his throat and he shivers a little. I don’t care where I’m touching, as long as I make sure he’s alive.

These little reactions from him are proof. I place my hand over his chest, right above his beating heart.

He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive.

And he’s here with me.

My hand smooths over the hard ridges of his chest and I feel the fading tension from his body. He’s giving up his pain and anger, giving them up for something else. “Go on. Don’t stop.”

The moment my fingers graze the muscle on his lower abdomen, he sucks in a breath. His forehead drops into my shoulder.

“Remember what I told you when we first started training together?” he whispers close to my ear.

Yes, I remember it.

He told me our proximity during training will cease his flinching over my presence.

“See? I told you. Therapy works,” he attempts a jest.

I don’t laugh, but I keep looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry for what Lilith and her heirs put you through. I’m sorry for what was done to you, Svenn.”

The sadness in his eyes doesn’t make me feel any better. In this moment of vulnerability, he seems almost human.

“It’s not your fault, Nel,” he says softly, looking into my eyes. My heart rate ratchets up underneath his gaze.

Before I can stop myself, my hand reaches down lower, wrapping my fingers around the hard length of him.

Oh gods.

What am I doing?

This stupid, stupid, freaking bond.

Way to ruin the precious moment between Svenn and me. Thank you.

Svenn isn’t angry or surprised. He merely arches a brow at the bold gesture.

My cheeks scorch and I let him go quickly.

“It’s the bond,” he says before I can say anything else. “It’s all right. I understand.”

Yes, it’s the bond but it makes me sad how resigned he sounds.

We’re mates, Svenn. I almost tell him. Whatever that means. But I think my feelings for him go beyond that. I’m tired of pushing him away. With one long exhale, I cast away my uncertainty and doubt.

No more hesitating.

I can do this.

I may have little experience, but I channel the bravery of all the girls I read in Blaire’s books.

“At the clearing in Ironwick, I told you I have all those dreams about us…” I pause, clearing my throat.

Guilt emerges in his eyes, thinking he had done something terrible to me in those dreams.

Technically, he did.

“What is it?” he asks softly.

I’m not brave enough to pull out that last dream where Dream Svenn confessed he’s the bond.

“It’s your turn now. Look at what you did to me there, Svenn,” I say, drawing his face close to mine.

He doesn’t fight my pull as he closes his eyes and nudges my forehead.

I show him one of the lighter scenes where Dream Svenn flies me to one of those faerie glass houses. How I lost a bet with him and he made me wear a lewd white swimsuit. How he made love to me in front of the mirror glass and forced me to look at my face while I came over and over.

I let Svenn see everything, let him know how cruel he can be in my dreams. I stop the vision and pull away to look at my Svenn.

He seems nothing short of startled as he runs a hand over his face. But when his eyes lower to me again, they morph into something else. My heart trembles as I look at them.

They’re burning with pure hunger.

“That was your dream of us?” he asks huskily.

I nod without shame.

The heat in his gaze becomes almost palpable, raising the temperature in his room.

I inhale a deep breath. I need to compose myself if I want to pull this off.

“You said I get to repay whatever your dream version did to me in my dream,” I say softly.

“I did,” he admits. I hear the effort he’s putting to sound calm.

“Hands on the wall, Svenn,” I command quietly.

I furrow my brows, just in case he thinks I’m not being serious.

Svenn stares at me in silence. Then he presses his lips tight, as if he’s suppressing a smile, but he does as he is told.

“You can’t touch me no matter what I do,” I announce my rule.

“Don’t worry, Nel. I have more restraint than to dishonor you by fucking you in a public washroom,” he promises.

Restraint…

I know Svenn wants to be noble by saying that, but it sounds like a challenge to me.

When I take him in my hand again, Svenn’s breath hitches at the touch. I squeeze and jerk him in a slow rhythm, taking my time. His breathing turns harsh and rough, filling the space. I feel him thickening with every stroke.

He heaves heavily. “God fucking damn it.”

Svenn is huge and I’m not entirely certain if what I’m doing is right. But the anguished noises and reactions from him fuel my confidence.

I give him another caress, teasing the sensitive underside. It must feel good because his mouth falls open and he groans again. He closes his eyes at the sensation. If I were cruel, I’d tell him to keep them open.

But I’m not that evil.

I keep moving my hand smoothly up and down his shaft. An answering moan resounds deep in his throat. “Fuck.”

A thrill of satisfaction courses through my veins over seeing him so undone by my touch. I stroke him faster, trying to get him to make that sound again.

“Nel,” he rasps, sounding more beast than man. I feel that strangled sound straight in my core. He thrusts his hips forward into my hand.

“Behave,” I order him the way he did to me in that dream.

“I’m trying to. I can’t help it.” His voice is thick and raspy with need. “Your hand is… so soft.”

Sunlight bursts into the dim shed. I realize then Svenn has gripped the wall so hard, he’s punched holes through the woods with his fingers.

“Nel, I’m going to … please—” he grunts, breathing harshly against my shoulder.

His eyes are begging me for something—to stop or to continue… but I just watch in awe the effect I have on him. I want to tease him longer, but I don’t think this old shed will survive. His jaw clenches when I stroke him faster, increasing the intensity and tightness of my grip. I use my other hand to play with the tip.

Suddenly, his muscle tense and he closes his eyes, tilting his head back.

A small string of curses leave his lips as his knees buckle and his body convulses. He comes on my hand in jerking spurts.

His body sags down and he rests his weight on me. I press my lips to his neck, licking his salty skin as he continues to shudder. Before it becomes too much for me, he takes a step back, staggering on his feet. His eyes shutter and I see the deep rise and fall of his chest.

I look at my hand and remind myself that I did that.

I did that to him.

When he opens his eyes again, my breath hitches.

A strange expression plays on his face. Svenn looks like I’ve completely wrecked him. I let the water wash away the evidence of his arousal on my hand and innocently wipe the remaining on the side of my nightgown. “We’re even.”

Svenn is watching me, his eyes darkening with unhinged lust. He crosses the little distance between us and leans over to me.

“Rhianelle Wiolant…” he says my name slowly, almost as if he’s tasting it, savoring it on his tongue. “You’ve ruined me.”

It’s a whisper I almost don’t catch.

I shiver at the feel of his breath on my skin. Then I feel something hard, pressing against my stomach.

His length—it still hasn’t calmed down. If anything, it’s erected and appears stiffer than before. My hand reaches for it again before Svenn snatches my wrist.

“Nel, no more,” he warns, clenching his jaw. “Unless you want to be fucked against this washroom wall.”

My heart beats out of rhythm at the threat.

He narrows his dark eyes to me. “But that’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to fuck you right here, right now against this wall.”

The shower has turned cold and yet it fails to douse the burning passion I have for him.

He slams my wrists to the wall, pinning them there with his hands. Before I can say another word, he captures my mouth with his. His tongue thrusts into mine in deep, punishing strokes. A desperate whimper escapes me, the helpless sound driving him wild.

This started with me having somewhat control over him. I’ve lost all of that now. But there is pleasure in this sweet surrender. I melt into the kiss, into him. He loosens the hold on my wrist only to interlace our fingers together.

It’s torturing me that I can’t hold him. I fight against my restraint for more, arching my body, but his hold on my hands remains firm. So I do the only thing I can do. I kiss him back with fervor, giving everything I have. He keeps branding me with his mouth and I relish in this decadent taste of him.

Svenn slowly pulls away from me. Our eyes lock in a hazy daze.

This thing between us feels raw and vulnerable. I don’t think he’ll honor the promise he made earlier about waiting. I don’t think I would either.

The washroom it is.

I’ll pounce on him once he lets go of my hand.

“Svenn, I have to tell you something,” I whisper to his lips.

“Go on. You can tell me anything,” he says, his voice thick and raspy with need.

“You’re my ma—”

A warning snarl suddenly rips out of Svenn’s throat. The vein in his temple bulges as he stares at the entrance of the enclosure. I fight the stream of anxiety as I follow his gaze to the door.

Cedwyn’s dark hair appears a beat after. The young squire takes in the state of us briefly.

Svenn releases me, his body roiling with tension at the boy’s presence. I wrap my hands around my wet nightgown instinctively.

“The council demands your presence, Your Highness,” Cedwyn finally says. “They need to discuss the attack from last night.”

I blink at the knight, still breathless from my kiss with Svenn.

“I’ll be there,” I tell him curtly in one breath.

The squire is either very brave or clueless because he lingers a while longer. His eyes make a slow movement, studying me up and down.

A deep growl resounds from Svenn. “Why the fuck are you still here?”

Whatever look that’s playing on the vampire’s face finally chases him away. I let out a sigh once the boy is gone.

“Wait here. I’m going to kill that piece of shit,” Svenn grits through his teeth.

“Don’t,” I breathe out with a small smile, planting my head on his cool shoulder to calm the heat rushing through me. The interruption leaves me feeling frustrated, but I am suddenly reminded of what Svenn did outside.

It’s brutal and violent. The work of a creature driven by pure bloodlust. He had dismembered the orcs like dolls. My heart finally made space for something else other than the fear of losing him.

Svenn reads the emotion in my eyes. “What I did at Tavan fortress was worse. That carnage you see out there doesn’t even cover the tip on it.”

I take a careful breath, then another.

“But I promise you, none of them were innocent, Rhianelle,” he adds frankly.

He swallows nervously, waiting for me to process my feelings. “This is what I am. And now you’ve seen me.”

That’s not all he is, I almost say. I have seen him. He’s capable of good too.

“I will never tell you what to do, Svenn. But don’t ever repeat this brutality for my sake ever again,” I tell him with the firm voice I use in court. “We do not desecrate the bodies of our enemies in Aelfheim.”

I hold his gaze.

For the first time, I find remorse swimming in his eyes. If not for the death of the orcs, then for disappointing me. “I understand, Nel. Forgive me.”

I latch my hands around the back of his neck, pulling him close to me. Our mouths fuse once again, but this time the kiss is sweet and tender. I dive my fingers into his hair, tugging them at the roots. He groans into my mouth and I feel it everywhere. Svenn loves it when I show how much I want him. He loves it when I’m desperate for him.

Svenn smooths his hands down my back, gripping my thighs to hoist me up. The movement surprises me and I laugh against his lips. “Svenn!”

He wraps my legs around him as he grinds me into the wall and kisses me again until I’m breathless and panting.

The last ruins of the brick walls I constructed around my heart crumble like sandcastle from a crashing wave. It never stood a chance. Not when the god of chaos and destruction himself comes knocking.

We slowly part and his eyes fall heavily on me. Something passes between us in that gaze, igniting a fire in my heart. The flame spreads through my body, making me ache for him.

It’s the kind of yearning that has long been buried, like we’re two wandering souls finally finding our way to each other again. I have a feeling that things between us will never be the same again.