Page 87 of The Secrets We Bury

“Lex.” Nolan finally speaks and his voice is like ice. “Let her go. You heard what she said—she wants shit that we can’t give her.”

Lex whips around to face Nolan, a growl forming in his throat as he replies. “Shut the fuck up, you don’t know what she needs or wants.”

“But I do,” I say, reclaiming his attention, “and it’s not you.”

Silence descends in the following seconds that trail those particular words. Lex gapes at me as if I just slapped him. My insides churn with discomfort. A pair of headlights flashes on the dark empty road.

He’s here.

I start to shake.

“Juliet?” Lex turns his head from side to side as if he’s trying to rid his own mind of the likely intended thoughts of betrayal I’ve given him. “What…”

The headlights speed up, coming closer. Then they slow down.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is happening too fast.Yet, I need to speed things along. I need to know that when I get into that fucking car, they won’t follow me. They can’t.

I close my eyes.I have to make it hurt.

My nails dig into my elbows as I contemplate the words circling in my head. What is the absolute worst fucking thing I could say to them? What would keep them from asking questions?

Gio starts talking, his voice echoing in my ears as he spits words out as fast as he can. I can’t understand half of them because as soon as he starts talking, so, too, does Lex. They both collide in a loud, jumbled mixture of anger and confusion. Gio slipping into Spanish and then Italian and back to English.

My breathing comes faster. That car is slowing to a stop in front of the house, crawling closer and closer. Nolan is staring at me like he can see past the bullshit, like he knows what I’m trying to do.

This isn’t how I wanted shit to go down. I don’t want to do this at all. Despite the cold air, sweat makes my clothes cling to my skin.

“Stop!” I scream. Both Lex and Gio go quiet.

I look at them—truly look at them. Gio’s confusion, Lex’s hurt, Nolan’s… fucking neutrality.

“The three of you are nothing but street rats masquerading as men.”Hollow. I am so fucking hollow.“You’re not getting out of Silverwood. You’re not leaving Darrio Vargas’ fucking gang. You’re just like everyone else in the gutter. You were born here and you’ll die here, but I fucking wasn’t. I don’t need to accept this. I can get out.”

There’s a ringing in my ears. Nolan doesn’t even bat an eyelash at my words, but Lex… oh, Lex looks sick. He looks like he might vomit.

“Baby, you don’t… you don’t really mean that.” He takes a step towards me and I drop my arms from my chest, shoving him back.

“I do!” My throat is raw. “I want out, damn it!”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

It’s not a lie. Idowant out. I want out of this fucking town, out of my life, out of Morpheus’ fucking clutches. I was almost there.

“You’re going to ruin everything if I let you.”

Lex stumbles away from me and finally seems to notice the car behind him. “Are you fucking leaving?” he asks.

I step past him, lifting my chin. Lex snatches a hand out and grips my upper arm hard enough to hurt. I’m going to have bruises most likely. I don’t look at him when I answer.

“Yes, I’m leaving.”

“What the fuck?” Gio shoves both of his hands into his hair and stares where Lex and I stand then to the car. I can’t see who’s sitting in the front because of the blacked-out windows of the sedan, but I don’t have to. Even if it’s not Morpheus, they’re here because of him. “What the actual fuck?” Gio can’t seem to formulate any other words.

“Nolan?” Lex whips towards his friend. “Say something! She can’t just fucking go like this—we have no clue who the fuck is in that?—”

“We can’t stop her.” Lex shuts up at Nolan’s response.

It’s the hardest thing in the world to reach up and peel Lex’s fingers off my arm, one by one. My bicep aches. “That’s right,” I say. “You can’t.”

“No.” Lex shakes his head. “No, no, no. This isn’t happening. You said you’d stay—I told you everything. We said we’d take care of you. We’re getting out.Together.”