Page 59 of The Secrets We Bury

Nestled in an old t-shirt that I’d long since grown out of is the circle of leather I’d spent hours, days, slaving over. At the time, I didn’t know why I’d made it. The teacher had asked me if it was for a dog I had at home. I couldn’t tell him the truth.

I’m her beast to tame. Her animal to keep. Her protector. Now and forever. If only she’ll keep me.

22

JULIET

I’m in too deep. There’s no getting out. That much is clear as I watch Lex walk away from the bed and into his closet. The question I’d been contemplating earlier in the day before Megan had tried her bullshit comes back to me.

Is it possible to fall in love with another person’s darkness?

The answer is yes. It is and I am. I’m in love with the Scorpion Kings. With Gio and Lex and Nolan. I trust them. I crave them. I’d been so angry, on the edge, needing something to break the vicious cycle that Megan had caused and that Morpheus had continued by showing up at Silverwood Public. The buzz of anxiety he’d left beneath my skin is all but gone and it’s thanks to the man striding out of the closet holding a small worn shoebox.

“Lex?” I sit up straight as he comes around the bed and kneels in front of me.

He reaches inside and pulls something familiar out of its depths. Then, without a word, he takes one of my hands and pushes it into my palm.

“This is for you.”

I stare down at the piece of leather and metal in my hand. It’s handmade, that much is clear. There’s no sign of a label orlogo from a brand manufacturer. I can guess who made it, but what astounds me is that he would make something like this for himself. I lift my eyes back to the man kneeling in front of me.

“You want me to…” I swallow and try to frame my next words with my lips. “Use this?”

Does he mean for me to put this on him or myself?

Lex’s eyes are on me, no wavering, no nervousness, only anticipation. “I’ve loved you for so long, I no longer know what it feels like to not belong to you,” he says. “I’m not rich. I’m not powerful like your family once was. I have nothing to give you but me.”

“Lex…”

“You saved my life thirteen years ago. It’s been yours since.”

My chest aches. Sweat beads on the back of my neck. My fingers close around the collar until the edges stab into my skin.Mine. I look down at the tool in my hand. It’s more than just a symbol of faith, it’s more than a confession. It’s something I’ve never had before.

I don’t know what to say, so I opt not to say anything just yet. Instead, I press the pad of one fingertip to the edge of the leather collar and trace it around in a circle.

“If you want control, then I can give it to you,” he says. “I can give you anything—everything.” He seems to correct himself at the last part, but it only makes my heart race faster.

Control. I close my eyes. He can’t know… can he? That I was once so out of control. That I did something stupid and lost trust with myself. The punishment that came out of that encounter is still ongoing. Though, I’ve traded partying with people who never truly loved me for the anger I cling to like a second skin. It’s still there. The hurt. The fear. The pain.

“Lex…” I croak his name as his hand lands on mine, stopping the tracing.

“There is no secret you could tell me that would make me love you any less, Juliet.”

My vision is watery, but through the unshed tears, I stare back at the man before me. Fucking hell.

It’s the glint of something unhinged in his eyes that tells me the truth that can’t be exposed by words. Alexio Medicci isn’t quite sane. He’s a beast held in check by a very loose leash. Perhaps it’s the other Scorpion Kings that have kept him from losing the last vestiges of his mind, but the leash is so frayed by this point he has no other choice but to look for a new master to help him.

My eyes return to the bit of metal and leather. I’m not sure how much I want to control him, but the fact that he’d be willing to let me have it tells me that he’s right for me. He’s made a muzzle for a monster, but he’s mine. My monster. My darkness to love and keep.

If he knows my secrets, he doesn’t say. The hint is there. The suggestion, but I’m too much of a coward to open that door. Even if I wasn’t, I won’t disrupt what we have here with the ugliness of the past.

I’m not like him. I’m not like any of them, but for a night I can pretend.

Taking a halting breath and then another and another, I suck back the anxiety and fear coursing through my veins until it fades enough beneath the surface for me to focus on the man in front of me. Lex’s head drops back on his shoulders and he gazes up at me even as his hands curl into fists and release, over and over again, on top of his thighs.

“Take off your shirt.”

My command is met with immediate compliance. He reaches back and fists a handful of his t-shirt, dragging it up and over his head before discarding it to the side.