Page 136 of The Secrets of Jane: Reborn

No, those details died with them.

I now hold their tombstone.

And for what? What have I done to deserve this sacrifice? Be of Soren’s interest? She did this all of her own accord, and yet I can’t help but wonder what I could have done differently.

There’s nothing else to do in here butsulk.

I sigh, the muscles in my face heavy. Ihadto free her, even if maybe I should have left her. There’s a chance she’d be rotting right now, butalive. I barely knew Anya, and yet this cuts deeply at me; my chest breaks with an emptiness, and the tears flow again. “Anya, you idiot, why did you do this?”

Her death has shattered me, in a way. I feel responsible to carry her shadow. I witnessed her last moments, and I can testify how strong she was, even to the very end.I tuck the pendant underneath my shirt as the new lady’s maid named Iris should be approaching soon to bring me my food, based on the lighting of this room from the sun. I don’t dare let anyone witness I have this.

Marissa has been reassigned, perBlackwell’scommand.

Once Jesper fell and was being healed, I was whisked away back up here and carried like a sack of potatoes, forbidden to leave underanycircumstance unless escorted by Misery or Blackwell. “Pain is not a motivator for you like it is for others.Not having direction, I think, is a far worse punishment. You will stare at these walls until we are all leaving, Ritter.Jesper will suffer his own torment.”

In some way, whatever they’re doing is working. There’s been no beating, no punishment. Which confuses the shit out of me. So, I refused food for the first two days. On the third day, I had destroyed the room like back in the Black House, and they tied me up and forced food down my throat, pinching my nose so I had to chew just so I could swallow and breathe. They even brought a tube made of glass and poured bone broth down my throat.

How tempting it was to bite it and let it cut me from the inside.

But I didn’t, because I will not let Anya’s death be wasted. So, I complied as they cleaned my room, and not a word was spoken about punishment.

Misery is just letting everythingbe.

Stupid cunt.

Ihatethis.

It’s a language I don’t understand. Iknowviolence. Corporal punishment. Torture, even.

Will Soren be angry that Anya died on my watch? That she technically diedforme? Anya literally saved me from every kind of assault out there, as they apparently believed her. I’ve heard, through Iris, that no one believesIdid it. It makes more sense that a Death’s Wing assassin was responsible.

I fucking owe that woman.

Cypress had to know… she told Anya to come, so she could take the fall of the task Cypress gave me…

At some point, when do I see this free will the witch spoke of?

When the sounds of someone nearing the room pulls me from my mind, I sit up and wait for food to be pushed through the flap in the door, the one I’ve opened and stared through towatch the empty staircase about thirty times a day as a part of my routine.

The new lady’s maid is silent and cautious with me, and I’m shocked when the dooropens.I carefully rise to my feet, my body aching without any of the distractions to forget what it’s been through.

Including my forearm that I barely healed with my depleted energy.

Soren.

Iris enters the room, her black hair tied back into a bun, her bumpy nose a little red today, and she’s sniffing quite a bit as she checks the bedding for bleeding, along with my clothes in an undignified search for my monthly cycle; tracking of it beginsnow. “Bring in her food,” she orders to a brute at the door. He carries a tray to me, smacking it on the bed as things jostle around.

“Traitor,” he grumbles, glaring at me through bushy eyebrows.

“The only traitor here isyou, becauseyou won’t bring me fresh water,” I hoarsely say, coughing slightly, leaning over to grab the pitcher and show how empty it is. “Kind of hard for my body to work without it, like your precious god wants.”

The guard’s eyes flare as if I’ve called his mother a donkey, the man nearly backhanding me, but Iris holds her hands out in the air. “No! Don’t. Morvock says not to touch her unless it’s to make her eat.”

“We won’t be repeatingthat,” I say through tight lips, taking a giant bite out of the bread, only to nearly choke when my mouth is so dry I can’t swallow. “But seriously, water?” I ask, crumbs spitting out. “I need to be watered.”

I’ll forever think of it that way after Soren.That man feels so far away now…I almost glance at the piece of mask in my arm, but refrain in case they notice.

Iris purses her lips and grunts, taking the pitcher as she motions for the guard to leave, locking the door once more on her way out. Shadows at the bottom of the door tell me that the guard is still standing by, which he rarely does.