Page 68 of The Second Chance Bus Stop

Svedala

At night I reread all the messages I have from Blade, but it’s like watching your favourite Disney movies as an adult. The

magic has disappeared, and you see the cracks, the plot holes and the special effects that are too obvious.

I can’t hold off any longer, so I message him.

I got a dog. I’m still crying a lot, but at least I’m not alone. Started taking a daily vitamin because my main source of

nutrition is cereal and milk. I’ve seen my dad and I didn’t feel like everything about me, from the way my hair falls to the

sound of my voice, was wrong this time. I think that’s progress. I think we can work it out. Me and my dad, I mean. And maybe

even me and my mum. She reads my emails.

The next day at five o’clock he video calls. I’ve looked at my phone so much the past week that I’m amazed the screen, or

one of my retinas, hasn’t cracked. Apart from work emails and group chats there’s been nothing. His voice is tired and hopeful

and just as I remember it.

‘Soph.’ The abbreviation of my name makes me feel little, but not in a bad way. Everyone needs to feel little sometimes. Even very tall women.

‘Speaking.’

‘That’s good. It helps when you call someone.’

‘Well— Hej .’

‘Hey as well.’

‘Got your message. I’m glad you responded to me. But I’m sorry things haven’t been going well for you.’ He pauses briefly

before continuing. ‘I think that’s mostly my fault. I couldn’t have stayed, I needed to get home to my mum, but I also shouldn’t

have left in that way.’

‘I needed an explanation. I needed more from you.’

‘Your explanation starts now. I need to start from the beginning though. My mum got ill three years ago. It was slow at first,

but the disease has been progressing rapidly. She started digging up her past, her memories, while she still could, before

she forgot it all. She wanted me to know who she was and what she’d given up. She was looking for someone in particular, a

friend, someone that she loved and was in love with. She knew she had to meet him, but kept forgetting that she couldn’t.

But she would return to the bus stop every day, always waiting for someone who would never come.

‘Because she couldn’t just say that to me, a mix of denial and her memory fading, I agreed to go to Sweden and look for her

lost love, so that maybe she could stop waiting. I had only five leads, five possible names that corresponded to what she

could remember.

‘The first one lead me to that funeral, where I met you. The former schoolteacher, who had the right name, right age, right town but wasn’t mum’s Sven.

The second lead was your uncle. But at the beginning, when you said he’d never been to London, didn’t even own a passport you thought, I dismissed the idea that he was the right one.

Svens three, four and five all didn’t pan out.

I’d given up any hope of finding him until you said you’d learned something new.

That he had travelled, specifically to London, and lived there.

The more you shared about your uncle, the more it became clear he could be the one. ’

‘Someone loved my uncle. Wanted to be a family with him. And I never knew.’

‘It’s strange when you find out your parent, or uncle, wasn’t who you thought.’

‘It’s funny, because I do know who she is. I’ve known your mum all along.’

Blade looks at me, not quite understanding.

‘I told you Sven never went to London. That he never had a relationship. I always found some comfort in the fact he was like

me. I could live and be happy even if I were alone, because he was happy even though he was alone.’

‘You are like him, he was like you.’

I nod.

‘But he did find someone. Just like Vincent told me, he went to London. He spoke about her, what she would do if she lived

with him. How she would play with me and teach me a new language and run the shop with him.

‘He never said her name. She wasn’t real. Or at least I thought she wasn’t. He would talk about her like he was telling me

a story, creating a fairy tale for me, for us to live inside when the world was too much for me. Remember the drawing you

asked about in my shop? The one of a happy family? And the one in the camper-van?’

‘Yes.’

‘She was Miss Marigold. Your mum.’

Blade pauses, but I can see something building in his face. ‘Yes, my mum was your Miss Marigold. The love they had was so special he told you stories about it. Because he was happy. And I am now too, not just because I found Sven for my mum, but because I found you.

‘You coming on this trip was the best thing that’s happened to me in years. I felt freer, more seen, more alive when I was

with you. I felt more like myself, and that there might be more to life than just caring for Mum full time. But then I had

to leave.’

This is a lot of information. I tense and then say, ‘You know how I like directness. Explanations and reasons. Why did you

leave with just a message?’

‘I had to go right away. Mum had a fall and was in hospital. I panicked. I didn’t think you could handle it, me splitting

my attention and focus with my mum. But it was selfish. I’m so sorry, Sophia.’

In my family we only say sorry for stepping on each other’s feet or spilling a glass of milk. I blink at the unusual use of

the word.

He continues.

‘I learned so much on this trip. Your uncle and my mum loved each other. He did turn up that day. You were right, he was a

good man. And my mum made a wrong choice, much like I did, much like we all do sometimes. But like her I want to make it better,

to apologise and to hope that you can forgive me. Because the most important thing I learned on this trip was how much I love

you.’

Then he tells me there is a safe that belonged to my uncle waiting to be opened an hour’s drive from where I am. A safe with

something he wanted Blade’s mum to have. My anger has faded over the course of the phone call, as I have started to understand.

If Blade hadn’t come to find Sven we would never have met.

If my uncle didn’t love his mother, we never would have met.

If I hadn’t gone on this trip with Blade, I wouldn’t have tried to save my shop, I wouldn’t have learned to stand up for myself, I wouldn’t have learned to fight.

And most importantly, Blade left not because he doesn’t want me but because he’s also scared. And he’s back now.