Page 20 of The Seascape Between Us (The Men of Saltwater Cove #4)

I could feel my eyebrows lift doubtfully. In all the years I’d known my father, I'd never once heard him apologize to anyone for anything. Technically, he still hadn’t. He’d only acknowledged he owed me one. He’d yet to write that he was sorry for anything.

I hope you understand I wanted so much for you—everything for you.

You were so intelligent, but so young. I was terrified that you would make a decision that might cost you all the opportunities you had waiting.

I hope as you read on that you understand the things I did were because I was afraid for you.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that your mother and I never loved each other the way we should have. I knew firsthand what it was like to find myself trapped in a marriage, a life I didn’t want.

Your mother was so angry when I left. I thought keeping my distance would make things easier for you, less tumultuous. I know now that was wrong, and I should have made more effort to see you.

My eyes rolled as I snorted but kept reading.

The summer you asked to stay with Sean and me, I’d been thrilled. I’d seen it as a chance to start over and rebuild the relationship I’d let wither, and I believe we had started to make inroads at reconnecting.

Did he ever not sound like a professor lecturing his students?

Then you met Daniel.

When you first started seeing him, I’d been apprehensive, but I kept my thoughts to myself.

I convinced myself that it was a summer fling, nothing more.

At the end of summer, you would go back to school and forget all about him.

But even before you told me you were considering transferring to Bayside, I’d known I was wrong.

Things with you and Daniel grew serious so quickly.

I hated the idea of you risking your future for a boy who would never leave Saltwater Cove, let alone do something with his life. I hated the idea of you setting aside everything you had worked so hard for, everything you could do or be to stay with him and waste your life in his decaying hotel.

I was desperate. When I suggested you transferring schools would be a mistake, you had no interest in the concerns I’d raised. You were so fixated on Daniel, so I told you I saw him with that friend of his, implied I feared there was more than friendship between them.

He meant Ryan. Fucking Ryan, who even from his grave was still haunting me and Daniel, ready to rip whatever was happening between us apart like tissue paper.

You believed me, and you ended things with Daniel and returned to school just like I’d hoped. I convinced myself that I did the right thing, telling you. However, the shame and guilt I felt inside me, growing stronger with every passing year, tells me the opposite.

I lied to you that day. I never saw Daniel and his friend together doing anything that implied they were anything other than friends.

What!? My stomach dropped to my feet as if the floor had given out from under me, everything inside me turning cold despite the sticky, hot air in the attic.

I had to have read that wrong. He’d lied ?

About Daniel and Ryan? That couldn’t be right.

I’d seen them together, Ryan’s arm around Daniel, Daniel’s head resting on his shoulder.

I’m writing to tell you how sorry I am, how much I regret what I’ve done. Not only did I lie to you, but with such a flimsy lie, I had to keep you from coming back to Oceanwind Square. One conversation with Daniel and you would have known the truth.

No matter how much I regretted what I did, no matter how many times Sean tried to convince me to tell you the truth, I was sure I had done the right thing even if it cost me my relationship with you.

Of course, I was wrong. I was wrong to meddle in your relationship.

Wrong to try to control your future. I was wrong about Daniel.

I misjudged him. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known.

I was wrong about so many things, and I am so sorry. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I hope we could at least speak to each other again. Know that when and if you are ready, I will be here for you.

Love,

Dad

I closed my eyes and clenched my hand into a fist, crumpling the letter. He'd lied to me. Not only lied to me, but cut me out of his life just to protect that lie.

“Fuck!” The word exploded from my mouth, sounding even louder in the quiet stillness of the attic.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the date at the top of the letter. Nine years ago. He’d written this nine years ago, around the same time he’d bought into the hotel. Was that why he did it? Had he felt guilty for what he’d done, slandering Daniel to me?

Finn had told me one of the college students had found the letter under a bookcase in the study.

Had my father opted not to send the letter and, after a time, it had been swept away under the shelves, forgotten?

Or had he not realized the letter had fallen under the bookcase?

Had he believed he’d sent it, reached out and offered an olive branch only for me to ignore his attempt to make peace?

My chest tightened, but I did my best to ignore the sensation.

After all, he’d been the one to lie, the one who pushed me away to keep that lie from ever coming to light, and he’d chosen to put his apology in a handwritten letter rather than picking up the phone or sending an email like any normal person would. None of those things were my fault.

Shit. I dragged my free hand roughly through my hair. All these years, I’d been sure Daniel had been seeing Ryan behind my back, and my father had lied. But I saw Daniel and Ryan together. Ryan, who had married someone who wasn’t Daniel.

Had I been wrong all these years? What had really happened between Daniel and Ryan that summer? I didn’t know, but I was going to find out.