Page 36 of The Scars Within (Twisted Thorn #1)

I sprinted through the hallways with my head down.

Questions churned inside me, and my stomach was in knots.

I raced to Aunt Cora’s quarters. She gave me precise directions to the faculty wing when she met my friends that night.

Though I hadn’t yet made the journey, the path was etched in my memory.

Down the Great Hall, through the northern corridor, up two flights of stairs, forty feet down the hallway on your left, then descend the right turret until you reach the bottom floor.

The faculty wing is strictly off-limits to cadets unless you are immediate family. It is guarded by several magical wards, the purpose of which is still a mystery to me. The entrance is entirely hidden, visible only after the correct rite of passage is performed.

I know the risks. If I am caught with that knowledge, the consequences would be severe. Cadets with family ties to Mageia were bound by a magical contract to keep such secrets.

I made it to the bottom floor and ducked behind a corner, scanning the area to ensure no one was around.

My hand pressed against my chest, trying to steady my racing heart.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, hoping to exhale the sadness that gripped me.

But instead of relief, more tears spilled down my face.

“Why?” I whispered to myself as I wiped at the tears, though it was pointless—my tunic sleeves were already soaked with my heartache.

I sniffled, trying to stifle the pathetic snot that always came with my tears. Fear gripped me as I heard footsteps approaching, but I knew I was safe when that familiar voice reached my ears.

“Scar?” Shayde quickened his pace, closing the distance between us. He wrapped his arms around me as I hid my face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

My only response was a string of muffled words tangled with my sniffling.

“Shh,” he soothed, gently stroking the back of my head. His citrusy bergamot scent swept over me like a protection shield.

The realization hit me like a cold shock—we’d both be in deep shit if we were caught down here.

I don’t know much about his parents, but I know they aren’t employed at Mageia.

I pulled back, meeting his gaze. “You have to get out of here, Shayde,” I pressed as I wiped a tear from my cheek. “I’m going to find my aunt’s chambers.”

“I’m not leaving you like this,” he said, lowering his forehead to mine. “Let’s go, I’ll come with you.”

“Can you promise me that you won’t run away from what you’re about to hear?” I quietly asked him.

He smiled, revealing a dimple. “Pinky.”

He kissed my forehead tenderly; his lips lingered on my skin before he looked at me again.

I looked up into his warm, brown eyes. Resentment for myself grew as Shayde looked down at me, ready to fight my battles by my side.

I quite literally almost let my self-preservation fall off the rooftop this weekend while he was gone.

Thinking I could find more of myself by getting a little lost was a stupid, careless mistake.

My reaction to the confrontation with my father proves that I am not strong enough to survive in the danger zone.

And I will never rebuild myself if I lean on an unstable foundation.

I can’t handle the risk of my feet falling out from under me.

I’ve listened to my heart, which has never been complete and should never guide my actions until it is.

No matter how good it felt to do so.

No matter how right it felt.

No matter how freeing it was.

I have to remind myself that at the end of the day, the only person I can count on is myself. And myself needs to play it safe.

Shayde pressed his lips to mine, and I let him. I told myself that this was safe, and I savored the taste of him. His tongue pressed against my lips, and I opened for him as I angled my head to give him more access.

Every movement, every touch in that kiss, felt like a claiming.

At some point, I’d wrapped my fingers around the collar of his tunic without even realizing it.

I eased myself back onto my heels and slowly released him as I remembered where we were.

We really need to get out of here. Clearing my throat, I felt something silky between my fingers as I wrung my hands together.

Looking down, I saw a small purple petal, torn and delicate.

I gently rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger before letting it fall to the ground.

Looking up at Shayde, I noticed his gaze was fixed on the solid wall behind us.

The hallway stretched out on both sides, but this unadorned, solid section of wall—bare of decor or sconces—was the hidden passageway.

I cleared my throat and gently turned Shayde’s face back to mine, whispering, “I need you to also promise me you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to do. ”

Confusion flickered across his face, but he nodded slowly. I moved toward the wall, wiping my sweaty palms on my breeches. I did one last quick scan of the hallway to ensure no one was approaching, then focused on the task at hand.

I counted the rectangular stones until I found the thirteenth one from the bottom.

Steeling myself, I reached forward with my right hand.

Pressing my pointer finger onto the mortar, I traced a path to the right, spanning the length of three stones.

Then down two, left two, and up one—only halfway—where I pressed my knuckles firmly into the seam between the two stones I landed on, two knuckles on each.

I held my knuckles in place, counting silently to three. Suddenly, an arched doorway materialized before us.

The feeling of my skin pressed into a stone wall that dissolved into thin air startled me. Shayde’s hands steadied me when I jumped backward into his chest. His boots clicking echoed through the newly appeared hallway before us as he entered.

“Wow,” he drawled as he looked all around.

“Yeah,” I breathed incredulously.

I grabbed his hand and led him through the arched doorway.

We made it to Cora’s living quarters without being seen—thank the elements. The professors must be busy preparing for the upcoming week. I heard her voice through the wooden door and, without thinking, walked right in. I knew she wouldn’t mind.

Cora’s quarters were darker than I expected, with an antechamber, a sitting room, and two doors that likely led to her sleeping and bathing chambers.

Shayde and I passed through the antechamber, following the sound of her voice as it echoed around the corner.

She was chanting something unintelligible while standing at a potion station.

I knocked on the stone wall to announce our presence, and she jumped at the sound, quickly glancing over her shoulder. In one swift motion, she slammed the spellbook shut and covered a small cauldron with a lid.

Then, before I could react, her arms were wrapped around me. “My dear niece, what is wrong?”

“I haven’t even said anything yet, Aunt Cora.”

“I can tell by the look on your face—call it intuition. What in the elements happened?”

She gently guided us to the sitting area, where the crackling fireplace offered an oddly soothing comfort despite the summer heat.

I rehashed everything that had happened between my father and me, carefully omitting the part about channeling the air element.

We could discuss that later; right now, I needed to know what my father meant when he spoke of my mother.

Cora’s face crumbled as I recounted the conversation with my father.

Shayde held my hand and wrapped his arm around me, tracing slow circles against my lower back.

Surprisingly, no more tears fell. Maybe I had already cried them all out, or perhaps my overprotective shield had locked back into place, dulling my emotions.

Cora, however, showed no such restraint.

“Oh, honey, I am so sorry you had to go through that alone,” Cora said, her voice heavy with regret.

“I warned Lily about Michael the day she first brought him home. He was nothing but a walking reputation... and I could sense the lies in every word he spoke. He knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do to win your mother’s heart.

” She shook her head, smoothing the fabric of her pleated skirt.

“They were great together, too great, until the day they weren’t.

That day was when he returned from deployment, and she finally introduced him to his daughter. .. to you.”

She looked at me with pure sorrow in her eyes. Still confused, I asked, “I got the feeling that Captain Thorne doesn’t believe I’m his—that he’s my father. Is that true? Did my mother have an affair?”

Cora’s lips pursed, her unease evident in her expression.

“I need to know the truth, Aunt Cora. Please, tell me the truth,” I pleaded, my voice cracking.

She rose from her chair and moved to sit beside me on the sofa. Shayde and I shifted to make room for her. Taking both of my hands in hers, she said, “Lily wanted to be the one to tell you this, Scar. But unfortunately, she never got the chance.”

My heart twisted at her words. “I stayed with her while Michael was on deployment to help with the garden and keep her company. He was gone for a full year on a secret mission that Mageia wouldn’t let him disclose to your mother.

At that time, we were embroiled in a protracted battle with Tyria.

Your mother was worried sick about him.” She paused, her expression growing somber.

“One night, after an elemental storm, Lily insisted on checking on the animals in the stables. Despite my pleas for her within the safety of the cottage, she went out. She wasn’t gone long, but when she returned…

she was carrying a bundle of sheets in her arms.” A tear traced down her cheek, which she wiped away with the back of her hand.

My brows knitted in confusion. “I—I don’t understand.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it as if carefully choosing her words.

“Then I saw a delicate little arm reach out from the bundle of sheets.” She smiled at me softly but without showing her teeth.

“There was a note, and all it said was, ‘Please keep her safe.’ So that’s what your mother did,” Cora said, reaching up to cup my cheeks. “She kept you safe.”

Overwhelmed by disbelief and a sense of betrayal, I shook my head. “But she didn’t, though,” I whispered.

Cora looked at me, confusion etched on her face.

She didn’t understand what I meant. I hadn’t yet told her the truth about what happened to me after the Happy Roast. I stood up, needing to pace the room to calm my racing thoughts.

I placed a hand over my heart, feeling its rapid beats.

Looking back at Cora, I asked, “So what does that mean? Was she not really my mother? And is Thorne not my father?”

Cora stood up with me then, Shayde following closely behind her.

“Lily is your mother, child.” Her voice broke with emotion.

“She loved you more than anything in this world. She was overjoyed to tell Michael the truth when he returned. But that pathetic asshole didn’t believe her.

” Her voice rose with frustration. “He accused your mother of having an affair while he was gone, an affair with unexpected consequences. He swore up and down that the truth was a lie—that Lily made it up to protect herself, to keep him from leaving her, and to prevent him from abandoning you.”

I took a few steps back, coming to a halt when I felt the wall press against the heels of my boots. My breathing was ragged, and sharp pains stabbed through my chest. I wanted to rage, to scream from the top of my lungs, to shatter everything in my path.

My entire life, I’ve been abandoned by the ones around me.

I’ve been kicked while I was down; I’ve been dragged through the mud.

I’ve lived my entire twenty-one years with the shame of being a failure of a daughter.

A daughter that wasn’t worthy of my father staying with us.

I’ve blamed myself for not being good enough my whole life.

When really, everything was my birth mother’s fault.

My real mother.

Whomever she is, she failed to be good enough to raise me so she dropped me off at someone’s doorstep instead. Instead of loving me too much to ever let me go, she left a note with no true explanation. She just…

I covered my face with my hands, rubbing my swollen eyes with my thumbs. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and released it once I felt somewhat steady. Cora took a few steps toward me, but I raised my hand in protest.

I left the room without any explanation.

Just like the one who brought me into this world.