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"I don't know." I grabbed the pillow she was fiddling with and dropped it over my face.

That was the truth. I knew how I felt around Chase, how I'd always felt around Chase, and that feeling was intoxicating.

Especially when, for me, that sensation of everything slowing down, of the wheels inside my head grinding to a halt, didn't seem to happen with anyone or anything else. But did that mean I wanted more with him? I’d never gotten past the simple idea of him.

"I guess I always imagined you with some brainiac or something,” Crystal said.

I pulled the pillow from my face with a look of horror. "Do you think I need more over-analysis in my life?"

She chortled. "No. I just meant someone who could match your smarts."

"Those guys are all nerds," Shar said, and I laughed.

"Not all of them."

Crystal leaned back on her arms, and the mattress jumped. "Remember that guy, Matt or Marty? Oh, it was Marty."

I knew exactly who she was talking about.

He was a farm boy, a grad school student who wore Wranglers and looked more than good in them.

"Okay. I take it back. They're all nerds or assholes.

" Marty had definitely been that. I went out with him once and spent the entire night listening to him refute every benign comment I made.

"At least you know smart guys do have the potential to be hot,” Sharla teased.

"It's not like Chase isn't smart." I suddenly felt defensive. He might not have been good at math in high school, but he’d figured out how to get a bachelor’s.

Crystal raised an eyebrow. "You tutored him when you were fourteen and he was seventeen.”

“That says more about her than him." Shar got up and grabbed her hand lotion off the dresser. She took some and passed it around.

"But wouldn't it always feel, I don't know, lopsided?" Crystal asked.

Something twisted between my ribs.

Stuck.

Alone.

The words of the poem flooded my mind. Well, now that's done, and I'm glad it's over . . .

Shar put the lotion back and sat down on the foot of her bed. "Rob doesn't play violin, and that doesn't feel lopsided."

"But that's more of a skill, not the way your brain thinks,” Crystal argued.

Shar’s brows pinched. "I don't know if that's true. Anyone who's able to work hard enough to be excellent at something must have some level of intelligence. And more importantly, the drive and determination to make it happen."

I turned to my side and propped my head on my arm. "True. And then you have to worry about whether your priorities line up."

Shar nodded, chewing her lower lip. "Yeah. Relationships are terrifying. There are too many factors."

The feeling of Chase pressed against me in the kitchen, his hand on my neck, his lips on mine, jumped back onto centre stage. My brain was quiet in those moments, but afterward? "Or maybe we make them too complicated," I murmured.

Why did it matter if Chase was faculty and I was a student?

It wasn't like I asked to be on the committee with him. And if anything, having him there only made me work harder. Why did it matter if he’d technically been my stepbrother for a bit?

It wasn’t like we were actually related by blood or that anything weird happened when he was at my house.

Why did I have to think about whether this was a smart decision or even a long-term one? Why couldn't I just give in to whatever this was and worry about the consequences later?

Said every teenager ever.

I was twenty-one, but I hadn't ever gone through a rebellious stage. Seemed inconvenient to jump into one now.

"It's probably a nonissue since Chase won't even be here next year."

My head snapped to Shar. "What?"

She stilled. "You didn't know that?"

My mouth worked. No. I didn't know that.

Crystal jumped in. "Wasn't he barely hired last semester?"

Shar held up a hand. "All I know is what Rob told me. He came in knowing it would be short-term. But I think the guys are a little bit sad about it. They really like him."

Footsteps sounded down the hall, along with the roll of deep bass and baritone voices. Shar looked at the clock in confusion just as her bedroom door burst open to reveal Rob and Axel.

Rob rushed in and scooped her off the bed. He lifted her into his arms and kissed her as her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Okay. Get a room," Crystal snarked.

Rob broke off the kiss and grinned at her. "I'd be happy to if you wanna get out."

Crystal rolled her eyes. "What's going on? I thought you had the game."

"It was just an exhibition. We didn't even split it into periods. Just played for about forty-five minutes until the scout had what he needed," Axel explained.

"So you're done?" Shar's smile widened.

Rob nodded. "Come home with me, babe."

"Oh, for the love." Crystal pushed off the bed.

I smothered a laugh as Shar shot us both an unapologetic look.

I scooted to the edge of the bed, then yelped as Axel dropped onto the mattress next to me, giving me a double bounce.

He laughed at the panic on my face. "Maddie girl, what are you doing this weekend?

I—wait, don't answer that.” Axel clamped a hand to my mouth.

“Let me tell you what you should be doing. "

I nodded, breathing in the scent of whatever soap he'd used in the showers. This oughtta be rich.

"We have a tournament this weekend in Clearwater, BC. My unit test is on Monday, and we won't get back until probably midnight on Sunday, eh, Rob?"

Rob nodded, finally releasing Shar's legs so she could stand. Axel dropped his hand from my mouth, and I rubbed my nose before I sneezed.

Axel turned back, grinning. "So come to the tournament with us. I already talked to Coach Wilson. He said we'll have some time to study on the bus, Friday when we get there, and Saturday before our game. Then on the way back, too."

My eyes widened in surprise as warmth diffused through my chest. Chase was so wrong about this. Axel cared. Yes, maybe it was only because he wanted ice time, but that was something.

I fiddled with the pillow, trying to look casual. "You talked to Coach Wilson about this?"

Axel nodded. "Yeah. He thought it was a great idea."

“Did he now?” Crystal smirked.

My eyes flicked to Shar's. She knew what a sacrifice this was if I agreed. I never slept well away from my own bed. I had a nighttime routine and hotels messed with it.

“I’m going,” she said, grinning at me as her teeth scraped over her bottom lip. Very subtle.

I dropped my eyes as my heart picked up speed. "I mean, I guess I could."

Axel actually celebrated, pulling me into his chest and squeezing tight. "Yes! I took a practice test today, and I failed it."

"You what?"

Axel scrubbed my head with his knuckles, then extricated himself as I shrieked and grabbed his beefy arm. "I'm sorry—sorry! I won't mess up your hair.”

“How bad did you fail?"

He waved me off. "Does it matter?"

"Yes. It matters!”

“I'll pack the quiz and my stuff. We can look it over on Friday." Axel jumped up with a grin and pulled his shirt down. He made a heart with his hands and held it over his chest. "See you then, Maddie girl."

I rolled my eyes and worked to swallow the lump of nerves in my throat. Because while I was invested in helping him, Axel was definitely not the person I was thinking about seeing Friday.

“This is perfect!” Shar clapped her hands together. “We can share a room!”

“So you can keep an eye on her?” Crystal teased.

Rob looked between the three of us. “Is there something I’m missing?”

“No!” We answered in unison, and I stifled a groan.

Not suspicious at all.