Page 17

Chapter

Fourteen

Chase didn't only exhale when he smiled.

He did it when he kissed, too. Besides that, everything about Chase in that moment was foreign—the feel of him, the taste of him.

His mustache tickled my upper lip, and I half smiled as his mouth toyed with mine.

My body felt suspended, like some unseen force was lifting me from my chair while simultaneously wrapping around every inch of me and squeezing tight.

The cap of the pen bit into my palm, but I barely noticed because Chase's hand slid to my wrist, up my arm, over my shoulder, and then settled around the base of my neck. His fingers brushed over my jumping pulse.

Somehow that touch was what allowed my brain to break through the haze. Well, that and the click of the doorknob.

My eyes flew open as Chase and I broke apart. His chair scraped against the floor as the pen flew out of my hand, landing at the other end of the table. I scrambled for it as the door pushed open, and Axel and Rory burst into the room.

"Hey," Rory cut short when he looked at me. Then his eyes shifted to Chase. "Everything okay?"

I nodded, holding up the pen. "Yep. Just clumsy."

His eyes narrowed a touch, but they barrelled in and set their bags down.

"I made flashcards," Rory announced proudly. He pulled a stack of note cards from the side pouch of his backpack. He waited for my response then repeated himself when I didn’t immediately praise him. "Made flashcards like you suggested. To study for biology."

In my defence, I was seconds away from asphyxiation. I nodded, wetting my lips as I straightened my shirt and willed my lungs to expand. I could still taste him —the same hint of mint from his truck, and there was a slight tingle in my lips from whatever lip balm he had on.

I cleared my throat. "Well, hand them over. Let's get going."

I just kissed Chase Wilson. Or had he kissed me? It was like we were two ends of a magnet, and it had just . . . happened. I flipped my binder closed, since I couldn’t focus on anything with Chase’s sentence staring up at me, and got to work.

Axel and Rory stayed until five minutes before the study session time ended, at which point they completely devolved into mountain retreat planning while gathering as many Rice Krispies treats as their hands could hold.

“The house has seven bedrooms and a hot tub on the patio. It’s going to be wicked, bud.” Axel turned to me. “You can share a room with me, Maddie. Since we have to double up.”

Chase made a sound in his throat.

I laughed, pretending not to notice. “Pretty sure Crystal already claimed me.”

“Perfect. The more the merrier.” He winked, and I rolled my eyes. I stuffed my binder back into my bag and was about to cover up the rest of the tray when I paused and held it out to Chase. "Do you want one before I go?"

Chase looked up at me, then glanced at Axel and Rory goofing off next to the door.

It was a look that said, We should talk about this , but I wasn't ready to have that conversation—not when all I wanted to do was drop the tray of Rice Krispies on the tile and climb into his lap. I raised an eyebrow and pretended to lower the Saran Wrap. Chase’s nostrils flared. He reached out a hand and snatched one.

"You ready for tomorrow's exhibition?" Axel asked.

Chase took a bite from the corner of his Rice Krispies treat. "I'm not the one who needs to be ready."

Rory put Axel in a headlock. "Gotta toughen up, impress that scout."

My eyes flared. "A scout?" I reacted before my thoughts had time to cycle back to the conversation we'd had a couple of weeks ago. Right. Coach Wilson has a connection . “Is the scout going to be at the game?" I asked, my heart falling a little.

Secretly, I'd enjoyed that Rob had been so occupied with preparations. Seeing Shar and Crystal together on campus every day after class had been a much-needed return to normalcy.

I covered the tray and backed away with Chase’s eyes still locked on mine.

Yes, it was cowardly, but I needed to think.

There were reasons why making out with Chase in the study room wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t quite grasp them at that moment.

I needed fresh air, and I needed to talk to Shar and Crystal.

I gave a small wave. "Okaaay. Well, good study session."

Rory yanked the door open, and Axel gave Chase a salute. "See you on the ice, bud."

Chase nodded once. "It'll be a rough one today, boys."

Rory shouted something that sounded like "Hell yeah!" but as it was a mix between a battle cry and a whoop, I couldn't make out the words exactly. I split off from the guys as we exited the North Centre. They went left to the Dome, and I went right to the east side of campus.

It had taken Shar all of three weeks before she gave up and slept almost exclusively at Rob's, but tonight, since the boys had practice, I was hoping I'd catch her at home. I had to talk to someone about what had just happened or I was going to burst.

I tried to replay the moment in my head—tried to catch each second with clarity—but it was impossible. He was reading the poem, and then we were both grabbing for the pen, and then— It was like we were caught in a whirlpool, swirling closer and closer until there’d been nothing left to do but meet.

I adjusted the straps of my backpack. His hands had been on my notebook. His hands had been on me.

That made my stomach flip. I'd been honest with him, and it hadn't felt weird at all. He didn't make a big deal out of my admission. If anything, that conversation had lowered the strangeness. Even now, while I didn’t want to have a post-game breakdown with him, it wasn’t because I thought it would be awkward. It was because I didn’t want to hear or say the thing that was sure to be said.

Chase’s lips on mine didn’t equal the proof I’d been seeking, not under these circumstances. There could have been a hundred reasons why it had happened—we were alone in a room together. Reading a poem about sex, albeit terrible sex. I’d just admitted I was still attracted to him, and Chase . . .

What he must be going through with his mom, with his job.

I didn’t tell him that I’d heard about any of it, and after that kiss, I wasn’t sure I was going to.

Those brief seconds may not have equalled proof, but if I left the kiss there, standing in time, then it could mean whatever I wanted it to, couldn’t it?

It could mean Chase Wilson found me attractive. It could mean that even though I was a few years younger and he’d never noticed me when we were in high school, maybe something had changed.

It didn’t have to mean that he was emotionally compromised and saw an easy, desperate target and decided to take advantage. You know, if thoughts like that were clawing their way into my head.

I clenched my jaw and crossed the street.

The sun crept toward the horizon, but every day, it stayed up a few minutes longer than the last. I hadn’t realized how much my soul was craving more light.

I couldn’t wait for our weekend getaway in the mountains.

We’d initially talked about spring break, but with Canada West and then the potential for Nationals, the boys weren’t willing to make any commitments between the two.

They had to beg Blakely to give them those three days at all.

I turned up Sharla’s walkway, climbed the steps, and knocked on the front door to the girls' house.

Shar’s roommate swung the door open within seconds. "She’s not here." I frowned, and she leaned against the moulding. "She has a performance tonight, I think?"

I deflated. Damn it, I’d completely forgotten. It wasn’t that I was supposed to attend—her performance was across town—but that meant she wouldn’t be back until late.

"Okay. Thank you."

"Do you want me to leave her a message?"

I shook my head. "All good. I’ll catch her tomorrow."

I retraced my steps back to campus and found my Rabbit along the curb just south of the GRB Complex.

Tomorrow night, Shar, Crystal, and I were getting together during the exhibition game since it was closed to anyone but team members and staff, and we couldn’t attend.

This memory could exist in my body for twenty-four hours without causing internal combustion, couldn’t it?

I could talk to Tash, but implosion seemed preferable.

_____

The three of us locked ourselves away in Shar's room on Wednesday night, and before we could even settle on the bed, I said it out loud. “I kissed Chase.”

And just like that, the bubble popped, and reality flooded in to fill the vacuum.

Chase was a faculty member. What would happen to his job if anybody found out?

What about my place on the committee? While it wasn’t the only thing on my resume, it certainly made it more compelling.

Especially if we found good results at the end of the semester.

The write-up sounded less compelling when it included, "Oh, yeah, and I'm sleeping with the coach. "

Not that we were sleeping together or even would sleep together. But my body had not been sated by one kiss in the study room. That curiosity, that fascination I had with Chase hadn't dissipated by feeling more of him. If anything, it had the opposite effect.

Crystal gave me a look. "Wait. You kissed who? Garrett?"

"No." I flopped down on Shar's bed and hissed, "Coach Wilson."

Shar and Crystal were the personification of deer in headlights. "What? When?" They gathered around like children waiting for bedtime stories.

I told them everything, and they asked the same questions I had only just started asking myself.

"Yeah. No. I know. It can never happen again.”

“I mean . . . it could happen again." Crystal played with the tassels on one of Shar's pillows.

"Would he get fired? It's not like he's your professor or coach,” Shar asked.

I stared up at Shar's popcorn ceiling. "No. He's not, but it wouldn't look good."

They both nodded in agreement.

"Do you two want more than that?" Crystal asked.