Page 9 of The Royal Flame (The Royal Academy #3)
MADDISON
I stare out the side window of the car, shaking my head over and over again. The cab is quiet except for our breathing and the loud-as-hell roar of the engine. Noah is fidgeting with a leather band on his wrist, and Lily is softly crying.
“Maddy.” River finally breaks the silence, his voice cautiously gentle.
“I’m fine,” I mumble then shake my head. “you know what? No, I’m not.” I yank my gaze off the window. “I think I need to go back.”
River shakes his head, angling his body toward me. The space in the back seat is small, and his knees end up pressed against mine.
“No, you don’t,” he insists pleadingly. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I don’t care,” I snap, restless energy humming through me. “You heard what Will said. He might know something about Ellie—my mom’s disappearance.”
“He may have just known she’s missing and was trying to get you to stay.” He gently brushes his fingertips along my cheekbone, causing my eyelashes to flutter.
“I know that, but there’s a small chance he does know what happened to her.” I press the heel of my hand to my forehead as the world around me begins to twirl.
I’ve had a few massive panic attacks in my life. It’s difficult not to when I’m constantly living on edge. But attending the Royal Academy was supposed to change that, not bring more anxiety into my life.
It’s too much.
The society.
Getting drugged.
Finding out that I’m an Everford.
That my aunt lied to me.
That Grey is my father.
Getting chased by Will.
The lies.
So many damn lies.
“Just focus on breathing.” River’s voice slips through the haze overtaking my brain.
My lungs are struggling to obtain oxygen as my heart pumps to the beat of my racing thoughts. It’s too fast—too much. I can’t think through it.
“Look at me, okay.” River laces our fingers together and places my hand against his solid chest. “Match my breathing, baby.”
I manage a nod and do as he instructs, matching the rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest.
“Good. You’re doing so good,” he encourages me as he cups my cheek with his free hand.
My breathing begins to return to even breaths. But the reality that I had a panic attack in front of everyone washes over me.
River must read this in my expression because he says, “Everything will be okay.” Then he presses his forehead against mine. “No one here will judge you. We’ve all been there.” His voice is a hushed whisper, his breath caressing my lips.
I want to kiss him, but resist the impulse and instead, continue to focus on breathing.
Everything will be okay , River said.
At this moment it is. But it’s the future moments I’m worried about.