Page 19 of The Rough Ride (Sanctuary, Inc. #3)

“I’ll be back. It’ll take me ten or fifteen minutes.” She scooped Ella from her play seat as the baby broke into a full wail. Liz grabbed a pacifier from the kitchen table.

“By the way, who’s her father? Do I know him?” The cork popped, and Nick filled a glass halfway.

“Let’s talk about that when I get back.” Ella’s crying increased, and Liz hurried toward the hallway. But she heard his clipped reply.

“Damn straight, we’ll be talking about Ella’s daddy when you get back.”

Nick tossed back the glass of wine and poured more for him and one for Liz.

Ella’s existence explained a lot. Like the ever-present dark shadows under Liz’s eyes.

She’d looked tired every time he’d seen her since returning from Iraq.

And no wonder. She’d been working twelve hours a day and went home to another full-time job, day after day.

As much as he wanted to beat the shit out of Ella’s daddy, he hoped the guy was involved and gave Liz a break once in a while.

Damn. He shoved the garlic bread into the oven and leaned against the counter sipping his glass of wine. If Ella’s father was in the picture, why did Liz have sex with him the other night? That wasn’t like her .

His lungs seized. It better not’ve been her way of saying goodbye. That would be the ultimate insult.

The residual shock still pounded in his chest. Liz had a baby. While he was in Iraq.

What. The. Hell.

Guilt swamped him. She’d never hidden anything from him before. Did she lie because of his aversion to having kids? There had to be something very wrong in their relationship for her to hide a child. The baby had to mean the world to her in spite of his feelings.

But to hide it this long? There had to be more to the story, and dammit, he’d push until he knew everything. He took the last swig of wine and set his glass in the sink. No more drinks tonight. He rarely touched the stuff anyway. He needed food.

Remorse for the vasectomy he’d gotten at eighteen churned in his gut. His SOB of a father had reached out with his brutal fists and affected the one relationship Nick treasured. The bastard had no right to live beyond his unmarked prison grave.

The timer beeped, and he pulled the garlic bread out of the oven just as the sounds of a lullaby drifted from the baby monitor on a windowsill.

For all of Liz’s talents, and there were many, she couldn’t carry a tune to save her life.

Yet, the tenderness in her voice arrested his attention as he listened.

His own mother had sung the very same lullaby to him, albeit with the voice of an angel.

But there was no mistaking the love in Liz’s less than perfect rendition.

Her voice dripped with emotion. And while his own mother’s voice had trembled on the chorus if she heard his father’s footsteps downstairs, Liz’s cadence held none of the shaky fear or hurried ending that his mom’s voice had.

He’d rather die than have his Liz afraid of him .

Surely, Ella’s father was contributing and not leaving it all to Liz and her mom. Nick scanned the dining room where the walls were neatly lined with baby equipment. He had no idea what half the stuff did, but the dad must be involved. That was good.

A bolt of searing regret rose in his chest. This was the one situation where he’d let Liz go if he had to. But if he ever heard fear in her voice, he’d kill the poacher with his bare hands.

He didn’t hear her footsteps as she came back into the kitchen.

“You must be starving. I invited you over for dinner and haven’t offered you a thing to eat. Let me fix you a plate.”

He turned around. “I can get my own plate. How ‘bout I fix one for you, too?”

She picked up the glass of wine Nick had poured and sipped. “Okay. A small one. It’s doubtful I’ll be able to get anything down, though.”

He set two plates on the table. “Just try. I know nothing about kids, but I’ve read that nursing mothers need to eat.” She didn’t look him in the eye.

She placed a napkin on her lap. “Yeah? Well, I’m still carrying around sixteen pounds that I gained during pregnancy. I think I can skip a meal here and there.” She stabbed a piece of beef and some noodles onto her fork and started to chew.

Ah—now he knew where those exquisite curves came from. He closed his eyes for several seconds. Don’t think about the curves. He remembered where he wanted this conversation to go. “Who is Ella’s father?”

She shrugged a shoulder and answered in a hoarse whisper. “I don’t know. ”

He gave a brusque nod and sat back. “Elizabeth, that doesn’t sound like the woman I know. You plan everything. I’d really appreciate the truth.”

He had enough in his stomach now to quell the effects of the wine, pushed his plate away and leaned toward her. “Who is Ella’s father?”

Liz fidgeted with the cloth napkin in her lap. “Nick, I honestly don’t know for certain.”

He winced, moved his chair so they could face each other, and pried her hands from the vice grip she had on the napkin and took hold of them. “Look at me, babe.”

She heaved a breath as tears cascaded down her face. “Go easy on me, Nick. You have every right to feel like the injured party here, but this situation hasn’t been a slam-dunk for me.”

“Please, honey. We’ve always discussed everything eye-to-eye, no matter what.

Until now, I can’t think of anything you’ve hidden from me.

I know you like dark chocolate but it keeps you up at night, your political views, your favorite authors, the way you color coordinate your drawers and closet.

For fuck’s sake, don’t hide from me on this one. ”

She yanked her hands from his and stared him straight in the eyes.

“I wish I wouldn’t have told you to date other women.

Remember that fight we had on the phone right before I deployed to Iraq?

You told me about the women you’d been dating and yelled about how you couldn’t tell if they wanted kids or not? ”

He nodded. He didn’t remember that exact discussion, but they’d had quite a few heated conversations after Paris about her insistence on an open relationship.

“After I got off the phone with you, I won $200 at the officer’s club in a dart tournament, and later that evening, I jumped some guy’s bones because I was furious with you. It was awful. I wanted it to be you the whole time.”

Nick nodded. That story sounded familiar, like what he’d done a couple weeks ago with the bar honey. He forced the scowl off his face at the image of another man enjoying her body.

“The next morning at 0900 I was on a plane to Iraq. You and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other and hooked up in every closet, bunk, and laundry room we could find for the next couple weeks.” She drew in a huge, shuddering breath. “And then the minefield happened.”

“Why didn’t you tell your commanding officer you were pregnant? They would’ve never sent you off-site with that knowledge.” Why didn’t she tell him?

She lifted her chin, raised her voice. “I didn’t know , Nick. I found out after they amputated my lower leg in Germany. I decided to keep her because I might never get the chance to have a child again, and I kept hoping she was yours because the other guy took precautions.”

What?

“She can’t be mine, Liz.” He resisted the urge to slam his fist on the table and leaned back in his chair. “By process of elimination, we know I’m not Ella’s father. I’m not capable. So, the other dude must be. Did you tell him?”

Her face hardened. “Yes. He told me to get rid of it.”

Nick grunted, but it sounded more like a growl in his chest. If she ever spilled the guy’s name, he’d kick the shit out of him. To hell with the assault charge.

“Then, I made a decision. My body—my commitment. I wanted her, no matter what it cost me. I hated hiding her from you, and I kept waiting for the right time to say something. For all I knew, you’d come home and marry someone else.

I’d given you that freedom of choice in Paris. ” She nailed him with a stare.

The sadness in her eyes destroyed him. “I can’t believe you did this by yourself, without Ella’s father there to help out.”

Liz stood and poured more wine. “My mom’s incredible. She’s been on active duty as a grandmother ever since Ella was born. She helps every day.”

His eyes narrowed. “You could’ve told me. You’re the most important person in my life. I would’ve been there for you, helped out.”

“Really? How? You were deployed—would be for eight more months. And according to you, you had nothing to do with Ella’s beginning.” She unplugged the crockpot.

His neck was getting hot. “Are you trying to light a fire under my temper, Liz?”

“No. Ella was my decision. But I would appreciate you taking that test again, just to be sure you’re still shooting blanks.” She poured way too much dish soap and ran hot water in the sink.

“There’s really no need, but I’ll think about it.” He rolled his shoulders and grabbed the extra silverware from the table.

Liz wheeled around and pointed a finger at him. “You do that. All the way to the doctor’s office.”

“Don’t you use that first-lieutenant voice with me, Liz.” He didn’t have to listen to this condescending crap.

“I’ll use whatever tone of voice I want—Nick.” She scraped a plate into the garbage can.

Yup. She was spoiling for a fight. He hadn’t seen this side of his little commandant since Paris.

Any other night of his life, he’d rub his hands together, crack his knuckles, and act on it for what it was, a mating call.

An occasional favorite that often skipped the fight and went straight to the making up part.

He’d always enjoyed this particular dance of theirs because he got to be the alpha.

“All I was saying earlier before you started pointing at me was that I would’ve appreciated knowing about Ella sooner. I could’ve helped.”

Liz smacked a dish towel on the counter. “Really? Would you have pushed all eight-and-a-half-pounds of her out of my body? Would you have nursed her? No, of course not, you would’ve bought some diapers. What does it matter now?”

Damn, she was wound-up good. He brushed the hurtful words aside to mull over later.

“I thought we were friends, first and foremost. Friends help each other, babe.”

She barked a laugh. “I won’t blame you if you walk away, Nick. You’ve had no say in this parenting endeavor.”

Oh man, it was way too early for decisions like that.

Liz continued. “I don’t have friends anymore, anyway.

My mother’s friends are all a generation older than me, and Ella, well—she’s not much of a conversationalist yet.

There are the fake friends I have at work on my computer.

I talk to them all day long. But you’re the only true friend I’ve had, and we see each other here and there.

It’s okay if you walk away, Nick. I get it. Kids aren’t your thing.”

That’s it. Enough was enough.

Nick strode across the kitchen, spun her around, backed her into the cabinets, and pinned her hands to the counter. Not hard. She could pull free if she wanted. Her face was only inches away. Defiant eyes glared up at him.

“Don’t you dare kiss me,” she spat.

“I wouldn’t think of it.” He adjusted his hips so she knew he was on to her, and her lips parted on a gasp. It’d take every good angel this side of the clouds and a ton of self-control to keep from kissing that full lower lip, but he had a few points of his own to make.

She pulled a hand free and shoved against his chest. “You’re so calm. I just gave you the shock of your life, and you won’t fight with me.”

“No, death is a shock. A new life is an adjustment. I’m trying to bring a little perspective into the situation.

Nobody died. Ella seems like a healthy little girl.

She fulfills your dream of becoming a mother and global warming hasn’t washed my beach cottage away.

There are a few things to be grateful for. ”

He continued. “Inside, I’m not calm. I’m pissed as hell that you didn’t tell me, but I’m trying to understand. I said I’d consider adoption down the road. Right now, is not down the road .”

His face hovered an inch from hers. “I’d have moved heaven and earth to help you as much as I could. You shut me out. You’ve been carrying around this two-hundred-pound gorilla for how long? How old is Ella?”

“Six months.”

“Right—plus nine equals fifteen months. That’s a long time to carry a burden this size alone, Liz. What’s wrong in our relationship that you’d want to hide anything from me for fifteen months?” He held her teary gaze for a few seconds.

She looked away. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

“Don’t apologize anymore. You made a life choice.

Not the choice I’d have made, but I’m glad for you because you’ve wanted to be a mom.

But here’s the kicker. That baby of yours in the nursery?

She’s got no control over the way she’s treated.

She’s an innocent bystander at the start of her life. ” He swallowed hard .

Love for this gorgeous, headstrong, fierce woman ached in his chest. He’d feel like shit later for saying these words.

“You can’t trust me with her, Liz. I could hurt her; say something she carries around the rest of her life. God forbid, raise a hand to her. I have no idea what I’m capable of with children, considering what I survived as a kid. I won’t have that responsibility forced on me. She’s your baby.”

Liz turned her face away from him. “And where does that leave us?”

Whoa. His hands shook and the room was thick with heat. He needed space.

He lifted her chin with a finger. “I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m leaving now. I’ve got a date with the boxing bag in my building. I’m going to pretend it’s Ella’s deadbeat dad until I get it out of my system.”

He released her hands and stepped back.

“I’ve got the house to myself until Monday evening and lots of leftovers. You could stay here, and we’d have the privacy to talk.”

Nick’s gaze travelled the length of her body. “We wouldn’t talk. You know us. We’d end up horizontal.”

She nodded. “Would that be so bad?”

“You’ve had a year-and-a-half to digest this situation. I’ve had less than an hour. I need time. But, Liz?”

She looked up.

“You did real good. She’s a beautiful baby.”

He locked the door on his way out.