Page 29 of The Rose and the Hound (Ashes and Roses #2)

If it weren’t for nurse Rachel, I’d be a mess.

The last few days had been a blur. I didn’t do anything wrong.

My mother had thrown me to the wolves, which was both surprising and unsurprising.

I knew she was a toxic influence, which is why I’d distanced myself, but to hear that she was the active cause of my downfall was a new reason for me to potentially spiral.

I didn’t spiral though. I stayed strong, with the support of Dr. Warren and nurse Rachel.

Mom was this odd part of my life that I couldn’t reason away or leave behind.

She was neglectful and unloving but had never outright hurt me.

This was so hard to process, and I needed time.

My Kalb had saved me, that much I knew, but we’d never be the same.

He cut me off with his harsh words. He believed the worst in me, and I’d played into it like a stupid, adoring puppy, not truly understanding what was happening.

I didn’t hold it against him, but I didn’t want him in my life any longer.

I guess he didn’t truly know me or how hard I was trying.

And I was constantly trying. I tried my best always, even when ordering a coffee.

I averted my eyes. I avoided relationships.

I let him in, and he cut me off at the knees.

It wasn’t really his fault, nor was it mine.

On paper, I was a psycho and I’d made the mistake of believing he saw beyond that.

This was all a sign that I wasn’t ready for any kind of real relationship, be it with him or someone peripheral like Gloria or Jessie.

There was no reason I couldn’t return to work now that the police had explained everything but not knowing what had been said about me during my absence, I decided a clean break was best. I was also considering moving.

Again. Stability was obviously never going to be a reality for me, so I’d pack up my meagre belongings again, change my workplace again, and move apartments again.

This time, I could keep my name. My re-arrest mustn’t have been very interesting because it hadn’t made the media.

After sleeping and lolling about my apartment for two days, I finally powered up my recharged phone. It had been taken from me when I was moved into the hospital. I was perhaps expecting an apology from Ace, and a message from my boss. Instead, I saw a flood of messages from Ace and one from Paul.

Ace: My Zahra, I am so sorry. I will fix this.

Ace: I know you’re probably not able to read this, but you will be soon. I’m working on it.

Ace: It’s all fixed now, my Zahra. Please forgive me.

Ace: Please call me when you get this message. I tried to visit you and pick you up, but they won’t let me.

Ace: I spoke to your boss. Your job is safe. No one knows anything. She just told everyone you were visiting a sick relative.

Ace: Paul wants to do the test. Do I have your permission to pass on your number?

Ace: Please, Zahra. Answer my calls or message me back, even just to say you’re okay.

Ace: I know you’re at home. I’m outside. Can I come up?

Ace: Zahra, please. You probably hate me, but I want to explain.

Ace: I know what this means to you, so I gave Paul your number. Please call if you want to talk.

Unknown number: Hi, this is Paul. I’m sorry I took so long to answer you. I will do the DNA test. If I am your father, my wife and I would love to meet you together.

I checked the send times. It was yesterday afternoon that he said he was outside.

I’m glad I hadn’t responded. I didn’t want to see him.

I peeked out the window. He’d either been there the whole time, or he’d left and returned, because his car was out there, parked directly out front of the building.

It wasn’t a condition of release (given I hadn’t reoffended) but I’d opted to see Dr. Warren every week for a while instead of the required monthly visits, so I had to leave the apartment this afternoon.

Me: I’m not angry. I’m just moving on. Please leave because I have to be somewhere and really don’t want to talk.

Ace: Moving on? From me or your apartment?

Me: From everything. Thanks for your help with Paul. I wish you the best, Mr. Edison.

Ace: My Zahra, let me help you. None of this is your fault. It’s mine and your mom’s. Let’s just start again. Love, your Kalb.

Me: No. Goodbye Mr. Edison. For your closure, I will ask Paul to contact you with the results.

Three dots appeared on my screen. I wanted to run downstairs and fly into Kalb’s arms, but he couldn’t be my rescuer.

He’d dropped me so quickly with zero evidence, so he either didn’t really understand me or never felt that strongly.

Besides, I had to do this on my own. No more relying on men and building a future on the idea of a relationship or family that wouldn’t be reciprocated.

The only difference between Kalb and Blake and Dr. Conti was that Kalb had led me to believe it wasn’t just in my head.

Now I couldn’t even trust my lists. Kalb had ticked every box and still dismissed me as a psycho without so much as a discussion.

If he’d even asked a basic question, I’d have known that he was asking me to stop stalking Blake, not him.

Instead, like a fool, I assumed he wanted to end whatever crazy thing it was we had.

And it was crazy. Someone like me should never dip their toe in the stalking wading pool for fear it would turn into an ocean, yet I had.

Reflection was a significant part of my therapy, so I was getting pretty good at it. Looking back, I can see that I knew it wasn’t healthy. I hadn’t wanted to tell Dr. Warren about Zahra and Kalb, which was a huge flashing sign that my “relationship” with Ace wasn’t right.

I blocked his number before the three dots could transform into words that could melt my resolve and sent a message to the one man who could answer at least one major question in my life.

Me: Paul, thank you for contacting me. That would be wonderful. I have an at-home kit that I can bring you. I understand if you wish to manage this part yourself to ensure accuracy.