Page 87

The bond was still present when they made it back to the brownstone. When they deposited the spear into the vault. When she took the elevator upstairs. Ever present. All consuming. Physically nauseating.

“We could try a triskel,” Ethan said as they ascended the stairs.

“Can’t,” Kierse said.

“Are you sure?” Gen asked.

“Yes,” she said at once. “I can’t touch my magic. We couldn’t link.”

“Maybe we could link with you.”

Kierse shook her head. “Even if you could , you’d be linking with him .”

“We’re not doing that,” Graves said at once. He slid his hands into his pockets. The tension was bleeding off of him. Gen and Ethan looked up warily.

“All right,” Gen whispered. “I don’t want him to have any more power, either.”

“But we’ll think of something,” Ethan said at once.

“Genesis, would you mind showing Ethan to a spare bedroom?” Graves asked. “Kierse needs to rest.”

“Sure,” Gen said. She squeezed Kierse’s arm. “Find me if you need me, okay?”

Kierse nodded hopelessly.

“Bed,” Graves suggested, gesturing to his room. When she didn’t move, he dropped his arm. “Or do you require…space tonight?”

She hesitated. If she did that, then Lorcan won.

“No, I just need to change,” she said, gesturing to her dress. “And a shower.”

He nodded, visibly relieved. She followed him into his room. He ran the tap on the shower for her, set out a fluffy white towel and change of clothes. She wanted to ask him to stay. She could see that he wanted to. But she…couldn’t.

“Take as much time as you need,” he said instead, closing the door behind her.

Her hand went to her necklace, the wren that always comforted her throughout her life. But it wasn’t there. In the empty space against her chest, she found only him.

She ripped at the stupid white dress, promising to burn it.

She removed the braids from her wind-tangled hair before stepping under the spray and letting the scalding water wash away the night.

She lathered with soap, trying to scrub him off of her.

She rinsed and did it again until her skin was pink and raw.

She did her hair next and still after two washes felt that it smelled of summer sunshine and spring showers. It was infuriating.

She sank to her knees in the shower, the water cascading over her head as the reality of the situation hit her in the face all over again.

A sob escaped her throat. With it came the tears again.

Tears that she hated so desperately and couldn’t seem to stop or control.

Lorcan had done this. He’d done this to her .

She would cry now. She would let the tears fall. Embrace the agency that he’d stolen from her. And when she was done, she’d figure out what to do about it.

When her tears finally gave way to fury once more, she stepped out of the shower and into a towel.

She slicked her dark locks into a messy bun and pulled on comfortable sweats.

It was shocking that her face in the mirror could look the same as the day before and yet she felt utterly broken inside.

Like Lorcan had carved out a piece of her and paved over it with his bullshit.

She hated it. She hated feeling this way.

Twenty years she’d been tied up by magic, and after only six months of freedom, she was back to being trapped.

Kierse stepped out of the bedroom and found Graves standing over his small collection of carved bird figurines. “Hey,” she whispered.

He looked up at her. “You look refreshed.”

“I feel hollowed out.”

“I can only imagine,” he said gently. He palmed one of the carvings in his hand.

“What’s with the birds?”

“I started carving them in Ireland when I joined the Druids,” he admitted. “It relaxed me then. It still does.”

“They’re beautiful.”

Graves set a little carved raven down next to a wren. “Can you tell me what happened tonight? Where did I go wrong?”

“You? You got the cauldron and got away. You did nothing wrong.”

“Kierse.”

She dropped her head. “The Curator was expecting me. He kidnapped me and had me bound in iron.”

“Fuck,” he whispered.

She swallowed and lifted her gaze. “The Curator is Jason.”

Graves’s eyes widened. “Jason? Your old mentor? But you killed him.”

“I thought I did, but it just paralyzed him. He’s gone through a lot of therapy and uses magic so he can walk with a cane now, but it’s him. He’s taken on many identities. Cillian Ryan, Jason, Curator. All the same person.”

“No wonder he’s scrubbed his identity from the web.”

“I think it’s why I kept skipping through memories at the scent of the pine and lemon,” she explained. “I’d think of the smell and go to Jason. It was showing me the truth all along, but I thought it was the block.”

“Did you kill him?” he asked, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“He got away. And the reason for the block—the reason he completely erased my memories of that day, instead of just hiding them in the spell—was that the spell wasn’t actually to hide me from the Fae Killer.

That was a handy-dandy side effect to him siphoning my powers away and giving them to Jason instead.

That’s why I looked weak before you broke the spell. ”

“Fuck, I should have seen it.”

“And he knows who the Fae Killer is.”

Graves blinked in surprise. “He knows their identity?”

“He said he did. He suggested that I did, too, but in the memory when he kills my parents, I don’t see his face.” She shrugged. “And now I can’t lift my absorption to look again.”

“We’ll find a way around that.”

She doubted it.

“Had Jason done that spell on others?” he asked.

“Yeah. I bet he’s done it on the people in his cult, too. He’s using them as a replenishable energy source.”

“You know what that means?” he asked. When she stared back at him blankly, he continued, “You might not be the only wisp.”

The revelation staggered her. Tonight had been almost too much. Too much bad news. This almost didn’t feel possible. The very thought that something positive could come out of all the shit she’d endured was too much.

“And if there are, we’ll find them,” Graves told her. “Together.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

“What I don’t understand is, if you were chained with iron, how you got away. How he got away.”

“I phased. That’s what Lorcan called it. He said Saoirse had the ability after a hundred years. I guess I got it out of necessity,” she explained. “And then Jason ran away in fear. I followed him, but he got away before I could kill him.”

“These are some massive magical leaps happening to you. No wonder your magic was drained.”

“Drained just enough for Lorcan to come and kidnap me.”

“And he knew where you were because of the soulmate bond.”

She winced. “I…called out to him when I was tied up.”

“You…did,” he said slowly.

She turned away from him. “I couldn’t reach you. I didn’t know that I even could. I only called out to you when Lorcan had me tied up for the binding because he’d suggested that you’d gotten into my mind and fucked it up.”

Graves cleared his throat. “Is that right? And you believed him?”

“Yes. No,” she muttered, turning back to him.

His face was carefully blank. “I didn’t want to believe him.

But then I decided if it meant we were mentally connected, then it didn’t even matter.

Because nothing was worse than what Lorcan did to me.

” She held her wrist out where the indents of the binding ribbon were still fresh.

He took her wrist gently in his hand and pressed a kiss to the raw skin. “I should have seen what Lorcan was going to do. I should have stopped him.”

“We can’t go down that route. The what if s lead to madness.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but she continued, “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Use your powers on me.”

He frowned. “But your magic…”

“Please.”

“All right.” His hand circled her wrist. A jolt went through her at the contact.

It was both exhilarating and confusing to find that her stomach still jumped from his touch.

That she still wanted him. That Lorcan hadn’t been able to touch the truth of her affection for Graves.

For all his bluster about how it would all be better after, he couldn’t change her mind in the end.

Her choice was Graves. Would always be Graves.

“Nothing,” he said on a sigh.

“Okay. He bound us to keep you out of my head. I thought maybe if you could get past my absorption, then you could change the binding.”

“Ah,” he said slowly. His hand was still on her wrist. He turned her palm over and traced the lines along her skin. “I’m not certain that would be safe even if it were possible.”

“We wouldn’t know unless we tried, but since you can’t get past my absorption…”

Graves cleared his throat and glanced away from her. “Well…”

“You can’t get past my absorption…right?”

“I must admit to trying.”

“Like just now?” she asked, gesturing to her hand.

He shook his head. “No.”

She swallowed, seeing the answer that she hadn’t wanted to see in his eyes. “Tell me.”

“There’s sometimes a trick with my powers. Since I can get in minds, I can sometimes convince the other person’s magic that I belong there. I can make it so that the magic recognizes my magic as the owner’s magic. Then when I’m inside, it accepts my magic as not an intrusion.”

Kierse’s eyes widened. “What have you used that for in the past?”

Graves arched an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

The implications were endless. Not just for someone with absorption. If her magic recognized him, then he’d be able to get into her mind at any time. But if he did it to other magic, then was it possible for him to change their magic? Turn it off? Destroy it? Could he use it to thwart his enemies?

“You downplayed your powers when we first met.”

Graves lifted one shoulder. “I do read people for a living.”

“You manipulate minds,” she said, finding herself using the words that Lorcan had thrown at her back in the Oak Throne room.

“You’ve always known that.”

The last thing she wanted was Lorcan in her mind, his words running through her. Would she know if Graves had messed with her mind?

No . That was the easiest answer. She wouldn’t know. Even if she asked him, she wouldn’t know. He could tell her whatever he believed. He’d already admitted to trying to change her magic so he could get inside her mind more easily. It hadn’t worked, but he’d tried. And she hadn’t known.

So she wouldn’t know now, either. She just had to trust him.

“It’s been a long day. We should sleep.”

His gaze was long and hard as he watched her break from him and pull back the sheets. “You’re not upset.”

“Oh, I’m furious. If you could read me right now.” She clenched her hands into fists. “Trust me. I’m a volcano about to erupt.”

“But you’re not upset with me for…trying.”

She realized that she wasn’t. She knew who he was. She knew what he did for a living. She knew how he’d lived the last five hundred years of his life. She’d accepted that and decided to choose him anyway.

“You saved me,” she reminded him. “You heard me and answered my call.”

“Always.”

“Then let me ask you a few questions.”

He straightened as if anticipating a showdown.

“Did you alter the soulmate bond?”

“Of course not.”

“Did you make me more loyal to you?”

He tensed at the question. “Not you.”

She would look at that sidestep to the question some other time. “Did you compel me to fall in love with you?”

“No,” he said darkly.

She almost laughed at how mad he looked at the line of questioning. As if the mind thief was offended at the suggestion that he would ever try to steal her affections. If he could even do that.

“I wanted to change your mind,” Graves said after a moment. “I wanted to compel your loyalty as I had so many others. I wanted to force your hand to come back to me. I wanted to make you want me.”

She stilled at the words. “But?”

“But I didn’t. When we first met, I couldn’t read you at all.

It took all my effort to learn you as you were, without the shortcuts I’d learned over the years.

I could only change your mind about me the hard way.

” His eyes were windows as he spoke. “When we started working on your memories, I wanted to do it. I could have.” He clenched his fists.

“I was so tempted to just let loose when you were so furious with me. And then something changed. When I didn’t do it and I showed you how I felt, you turned to me like a flower in bloom. ”

Her throat closed up at the words. “I did?”

“Each earned step was more rewarding than every stolen one could have possibly been. I became determined to not do it. To cease using my powers. Not just on you, but on others as well.”

“On others?”

“Do you not think I could have brought Ethan back to you the first day we were home?” he scoffed.

“Oh. I hadn’t considered that. Did you…do it when you saw him at the engagement party?”

“I wanted to see if I could win him the way I’d won you. I…told him the truth,” Graves said. “And look, he came here when you were in trouble, all on his own.”

“Look at you,” Kierse said, a teasing smile on her face. “If you’re not careful, you’re going to start looking like a hero.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I’m almost embarrassed for you. Are you losing your nerve? You can’t even compel me to love you?” she joked. “For my friends’ loyalty? Are you going to be a good guy now?”

Graves snorted, a small smile appearing on his face. “Hardly. If you’re expecting me to give up my work…”

“I know the monster that lurks under your skin. I’m not afraid of who you are. Jagged edges and all.”

Graves’s hand slid up her arm, leaving goose bumps in their wake as it came to settle on the middle of her chest where she could feel the thrum of the binding. “This doesn’t change anything for me,” he told her.

It did. It changed everything. But she didn’t know how to say that. How to explain that having Lorcan between them made her want to run.

“We’ll find a way to undo this.”

It was a promise he couldn’t make. A promise she couldn’t even get her hopes up for.

“If not with my magic, then we’ll try the cauldron,” he said. “Okay?”

The cauldron. In all the chaos, she hadn’t even considered the cauldron. Could the cauldron fix what Lorcan had done? It seemed impossible.

“Okay,” she agreed. “We’ll try it tomorrow.”

Her hope flickered like a fragile butterfly in her chest. This couldn’t be the end. She refused for her story to end with some man choosing her fate.