Page 57

Kierse reared back as if struck. That was what she’d done. She’d learned to live with it. And reopening that wound was like someone stabbing her repeatedly. She didn’t want to know the future. She didn’t want to see it. Whether that was the block or not, she didn’t have it in her.

She stood abruptly. “I don’t… I think…we’re done.”

Dr. Carrión frowned. “I understand that what we’re discussing is deeply troubling. But you need to face what happened so that you can move forward.”

Kierse swallowed. That was what she’d said she wanted, why she’d come. But she hadn’t thought it had anything to do with her parents’ deaths. She just wanted to get into that stupid room.

“Before you dart out of here, I’m interested in trying something. Are you opposed to doing a spell?” Dr. Carrión reached into her bag and removed a small cauldron, a lighter, and a bag of herbs.

She hesitated. “What does it do?”

“This will clear the mind. It works by releasing trapped energy through its natural pathways. It might help you to see through the block.”

“That’s possible?”

“Sometimes,” she said with a laugh. “This facility is science and magic combined. My medical degree can take me far, but when it comes to magic and monsters, a blend is usually a more elegant solution.”

Dr. Carrión set up the spell, turned off the lights, and then spoke a few words over the burning herbs. A cloud of purple smoke puffed out of the pot and suffused the room.

“Breathe the smoke in and then go to that spot in your memory where you are stuck.”

Kierse inhaled and let the rich scent fill her lungs.

She closed her eyes and tried to think about the apartment that she had never been able to enter.

She could see her parents, the woman yelling in Spanish, the dirty hallway.

She could sense their anxiety and pain and fear.

But the door lurched toward her, and then… she just moved past.

To the street with her blunted senses. Then to her parents’ apartment. People in the room, a strange voice issuing a command, blood on the floor. She quickly looked away from it. Then suddenly the street where Jason had found her.

Kierse gasped as she wrenched herself away from it. That time had been different. She still hadn’t gotten into the room, but she’d seen something else…something she hadn’t seen before. Yet another thing that didn’t make any sense.

The doctor turned the lights back on and spent a few minutes in silence as she sifted through the smoke. After a few moments, it began to dissipate, and she sat back heavily in her chair as if the weight of the magic settled into her bones.

“That was…disorienting,” Kierse said, feeling her back coming up. She didn’t want to ever do that again. “It happened so fast.”

“But slowly enough for me to see that there are two blocks,” the doctor said.

“What? Two?”

“One is a magical block. I could see it when you hit it like a physical force. But there’s a second one around what happened to your parents.”

Kierse shook her head. “I don’t know what happened to them.”

Carrión frowned with a sad expression in her eyes. “You’re going to have to face what happened to your parents,” she said. “You’ve looked away from the truth for so long that facing it will be difficult.”

Kierse stood again as tears pricked her eyes. “I don’t want to look at what happened to my parents. Do you even know what you’re asking of me? I just want to remember that they loved me. That they left me. Isn’t that enough?”

“You have much darkness in your past. I can understand that facing it alone would be difficult. Therapy is a great resource to support you through it, and I’d be happy to continue these sessions with you.”

“I don’t know,” Kierse said. She already felt ready to flee.

“Talking to a professional will help. A way for you to untangle all those events that you would never want your children to experience. But, either way, know that this was all done to you. You were just a child who deserved better from a hard world.”

Kierse could hardly breathe at those words.

This had been done to her. What a simple thing to say and something that was so hard to look at.

She’d been so independent, on her own two feet for so long, it was hard to even consider that she was this way for a particular reason.

That she might have turned out differently in a softer life.

She thanked the psychiatrist and went in search of Graves, uncertain if she would ever return to this place. He must have seen it on her face as he rose to his considerable height.

“Did she help?”

“She said that I had a second mental block that I need to untangle before I’d have a hope of unblocking the magical component.”

“A block around what?”

“What happened to my parents.”

“Ah,” he said slowly. He drew her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his chest, feeling the heat of him against her. She took a fortifying breath. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Kierse nodded, uncertain if she’d ever be ready to face that, knowing it was the only way to get what she needed from her memories. A paradox that kept her up late into the night.