Page 55 of The Right to Remain

“Sit here,” the officer said, and Elliott settled into the chair near the door.

Elliott didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but the inmate waiting area felt more like a normal doctor’s waiting room than he would have guessed. Rather than “institutional beige,” the walls were painted a more soothing tone with a hint of peach. There was even tile on the floor. A framed photograph sat atop the filing cabinet in the corner.The young boy in the photograph looked to be about a year old. Probably the doctor’s son.

Elliott stared at the photograph. It made him think of Austen. He shook off that thought, but another memory came to mind. His doctor, too, used to keep photographs of her children in her office. Or rather, Elle Carpenter’s doctor. Her gynecologist, Olga Lopez, MD.

Elle and Dr. Lopez had discussed children on one of her office visits—her last visit as “Elle.”

“You aren’t my typical patient,” Dr. Lopez said.

“What’s so different about me?”

“Honestly, most women I see—at least the women your age—have never given birth to a child.”

“I didn’t keep the baby. I gave it up for adoption.”

“I understand. But the very fact that you’ve experienced pregnancy and given birth puts you in a slightly different category, in my opinion. I’m not trying to talk you out of the gender-affirming treatment you need. I just want to make sure you understand.”

“Understand what, exactly?”

The doctor paused, as if to consider her words. “Some women come to me under the impression that gender-affirming medical treatment, including surgery, is completely reversible.”

“I’m not doing this to see what it’s like to be a man. Iknowwhat it’s like to be a man.”

“I wasn’t suggesting otherwise.”

“I’m here because I want my body to match the person I am.”

“I respect that. And the overwhelming number of my patients never have any regrets about their decision. But, on occasion, I meet a patient who finds the courage and strength to make this decision only because they’ve heard stories about trans men or women transitioning back.”

“I realize I’m not buying a shirt. I’m not interested in the return policy.”

“Good. Don’t even let that factor into your decision-making.”

“I won’t.”

“Mind you, a small number of people do detransition. It’s medically possible, but not in every respect. I’m only raising this because you have gone through the experience of giving birth.”

“You’ve made that clear, Dr. Lopez.”

“For a woman transitioning to a man, the time to consider the impact on fertility is not just somewhere down the road, when you choose to have your uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes removed. Hormone therapy alone won’t necessarily have a permanent effect on your fertility. But it can.”

“So, you’re saying that even if I change my mind very early in the process and decide to stop—”

“You may never have children again. That’s what I’m saying. I want you to know that from the start.”

“I’m okay with that.”

“Not to belabor the point, but this means that the baby you gave up for adoption will probably be the only baby you ever have.”

“I get it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, Dr. Lopez. I’m sure.”

The infirmary door burst open and two officers rushed inside with an inmate on a gurney. Elliott was suddenly back in the miserable present.

“Out of the way!” an officer shouted.