Page 37 of The Retreat

Five Years Ago

Talia had woken first, as usual. It was six in the morning. She’d been asleep only four hours, but it was time to get back at it.

Flora lay half buried in the duvet, one arm flung across the pillow where Talia had been. She looked peaceful. Unbothered.

Talia padded softly to the kitchen, made coffee, and came back to get dressed.

She was passing Flora’s nightstand to get to the wardrobe. Flora’s phone lit up. Talia wasn’t snooping. It was just poor timing. Or good timing, depending on how you looked at it.

Talia read the message without meaning to.

So when are we going to take this thing into the real world? I’m tired of just talking.

Talia froze. The phone went dark again.

There was a moment where she waited to feel angry. But what she felt was the unmistakable beginnings of dread.

She picked up the phone and tapped it, lighting it up again. There it was, no mistake. I’m tired of just talking. There was no name, no contact picture. Just a number she didn’t recognise.

Flora stirred behind her and Talia dropped the phone like it burned.

She left for work quickly.

***

She didn’t make it to the office. Well, she did, but not through the doors. She walked right past the building.

She found herself walking the familiar cracked pavement that led to Flora’s gallery. Her hands were cold. She wasn’t sure how long she’d walked.

She pushed through the front door. Flora stood at the far end of the room, signing for a package.

Talia waited.

When Flora finally turned and saw her, her expression flickered. She knew something was up right away.

‘Talia. What are you—’

‘Can we talk?’

Flora glanced at the driver. ‘Are we done?’

The driver nodded and got to stepping. Even he could smell the trouble coming.

Flora slapped on a too-bright smile as she turned back to Flora. ‘Is everything—’

Talia didn’t waste time. ‘Who texted you this morning?’

Flora’s smile faltered. ‘What?’

‘I saw the message: “So, when are we going to take this thing into the real world? I’m tired of just talking.”’ It wasn’t hard to quote it. Those words had been spinning around her head all morning.

Flora’s face shifted. ‘You went through my phone?’

‘I didn’t. It lit up. I saw it.’

‘So you assumed I was cheating on you?’ Flora said, offended.

Talia folded her arms. ‘Should I not?’

Flora actually laughed. ‘Christ, Talia. Do you know how paranoid that sounds? It’s a work thing.’

‘A work thing,’ Talia repeated, incredulous.

‘That message was from an artist who’s been trying to get me to come out to see his work for weeks. I couldn’t find the time. He’s being very pushy.’

Talia shook her head, no. ‘Don’t treat me like an idiot. You’ve been distant for weeks. You barely touch me anymore. You’re always out—’

‘Out?’ Flora’s voice rose. ‘How would you know? You’re the one who’s never home. You’re the one buried in work every night of the week.’

‘I’m doing it for us—’

‘No, you’re doing it for you. Because it’s easier than having to be vulnerable for five minutes. God forbid you let someone actually see you.’

Talia reeled. Her jaw clenched. She was a lawyer, and she understood the tactics being deployed. ‘You’re deflecting.’

‘I just think it’s convenient,’ Flora went on. ‘Every time things get difficult, you vanish into work.’

‘I’m not vanishing,’ Talia said. ‘I have deadlines. That’s not the same thing.’

‘You’re never home.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘I didn’t mind it, at first,’ Flora went on. ‘The late nights, the weekends. I told myself it was temporary, that once this case was over, you’d… make time for what matters.’

Talia sighed. ‘Flora—’

‘No. I’m not trying to fight. I just…’ She softened ever so slightly. ‘I miss you. And I don’t know what I’m meant to do with that.’

‘You think I don’t miss you too? I’m trying to build something here. Something for both of us.’ She didn’t understand the direction this conversation had taken. Talia wasn’t the wrong one, was she? It was Flora who was wrong.

But, somehow, it was getting hard to remember exactly who was at fault.

‘It doesn’t feel like it’s for both of us. It feels like you’re working so hard to be anywhere else.’

Talia was stumped. Was she the problem, after all?

‘I don’t know how to keep doing this,’ Flora said. ‘I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one working at us.’

‘That’s not fair,’ Talia said. She heard a noise and turned to it. Someone was listening.

She saw the woman who’d later play quite the feature in her nightmares. But right then, all she saw was Flora’s young intern. Talia felt bad for embarrassing her.

‘Sorry,’ she said quickly and slunk out the back way like the graceless wreck she was.

***

Back at her desk, Talia tried to work. She couldn’t.

She answered three emails and reread one line of a contract fifteen times before giving up. Her mind kept looping back to Flora’s face. The way she’d looked more offended than guilty. Could Talia really have misread it?

She looked at her phone. No messages. Nothing from Flora.

At 5:15, she shut her laptop. For once, she wasn’t going to let the evening get swallowed. She was going home. She was going to talk to Flora like a grown-up. She was going to fix it. She loved Flora. She couldn’t throw that away over a misunderstanding.

***

Talia froze in the doorway of her bedroom.

She hadn’t expected anything when she heard a noise from the bedroom, not really. She thought Flora might be watching TV.

She’d approached the room, thinking maybe they’d talk about what had happened that morning. Maybe apologise. Maybe touch each other like they used to.

Instead, she saw Flora’s bare shoulders, her body sat up in an unmistakable position. She was astride someone.

‘What the fuck is this?’ Talia asked. It was rhetorical. She could see what it was.

They sprang apart like kids caught stealing from the cookie jar. Imogen grabbed at a sheet, and only then did she look at Talia. Her expression was pure horror.

Talia didn’t move. Her keys were still in her hand, clenched tight enough to press sharp little half-moons into her palm. Her eyes scanned the scene. The two glasses on the table, the crumpled clothes half-hidden under the edge of the bed, Flora’s mouth still parted like she might say something.

‘I sacked off work,’ Talia said, her voice still unnervingly level. ‘So we could spend the evening together.’

Flora opened her mouth, but nothing came. Not even a lie. There was nothing she could say that wouldn’t make it worse. Nothing that would make this look like anything other than what it was.

Talia took one long look. Just long enough to make sure she’d remember it.

And then she turned and walked out.

She didn’t know where she was going. She just needed to be not here. Her legs were shaking. Her chest was tight.

She heard footsteps behind her.

‘Talia!’

She didn’t stop.

‘Wait, please!’

Flora grabbed her arm, breathless. Talia turned, her jaw clenched.

‘You’re overreacting,’ Flora said, eyes wide with panic.

Talia blinked at her. ‘Say that again. I dare you.’

‘I didn’t mean for it to happen. She came by to help me move the Danby. We had a drink, and…’ Flora exhaled, shaky. ‘It wasn’t planned. I was upset after our fight. I wasn’t thinking straight.’

‘Do you think this is making anything better? I just caught you and your intern—’

‘She doesn’t mean anything,’ Flora said quickly. ‘You have to believe me. Imogen was a distraction, that’s all. Because I was heartbroken about us. I just—’

‘Felt like proving my point?’ Talia asked.

‘I was angry. I felt… abandoned. And she was just there. It was stupid and ugly, and it didn’t mean anything, not the way you do. You have to know that.’

Talia’s throat was tight. ‘If I mean so much to you, how the hell did you let this happen?’

Flora looked wrecked. ‘Because I thought I’d already lost you.’

‘So you made sure.’

Silence.

Talia’s voice dropped. ‘You told me I was paranoid. I thought I actually was.’

‘This was the first time I ever…’

Talia put a hand up, silencing her. ‘You could’ve ended it with me. If you were so unhappy…’

‘I don’t want to end it with you,’ Flora said softly. ‘I just made a mistake.’

‘Yeah,’ Talia said. ‘And it’s the kind we can’t come back from.’

Flora reached for her hand. ‘Please don’t do this. I love you. It was one weak moment. It didn’t mean anything—’

‘I know,’ Talia said. ‘That’s the worst part.’

She turned and walked away. This time, Flora didn’t follow.