Page 119 of The Perks of Loving a Wallflower

“Not now, Graham!” Had her voice cracked? Oh God, it had cracked. Now he would never leave her alone. He would sit out there in the corridor, his back against her door so that he would tumble inside the moment she opened it—

“It’s not Graham,” came a muffled voice. “It’s me, Sir…Philip.”

Tommy’s heart banged against her chest in hope and confusion. She ran a hand over her hopelessly tousled hair and opened the door. “Sir…Philip?”

Philippa swaggered into the bedroom with her blond ringlets shoved inside a beaver hat and what looked like Graham’s frock coat over her lace dress. A glass of port dangled from her fingers and a large cigar protruded from one corner of her mouth.

Tommy tried her best not to be charmed.

“You look ridiculous,” she said flatly. “You are not remotely convincing as a man about town.”

“I know.” Philippa let her cigar tumble from her mouth into her glass of port. “Youwould be splendid at it. But being splendid at something does not mean a body is obliged to do it.”

Tommy crossed her arms, but edged aside enough to allow Philippa farther into the room.

Philippa stared down at her goblet. “My parents have always believed I’d be a fine countess or duchess. They’re probably right. Yet I never wanted that life.” She looked up and met Tommy’s eyes. “I have no right to saddleyouwith a role you don’t wish to have, either. No matter how well we might play the part.”

Hope filtered through the cracks in Tommy’s defenses.

“I am so sorry.” Philippa’s pretty face twisted in agony. “I did not mean to hurt you, but I did. I was thoughtless and selfish. I so wanted to find a path to ‘forever’ with the person I love more than any other, all I could think about was—”

“Wait.” Tommy’s heart beat faster. “What did you just say?”

“I love you. I’ve loved you for longer than I’ve dared to admit it, even to myself. Saying the words aloud terrifies me. I’ll say them again anyway. Iloveyou, Tommy Wynchester.You.You haven’t left my mind from the moment you blushed and ran away from me at Faircliffe’s gala. I was halfway in love with ‘Baron Vanderbean’ and I don’t evenlikemen. It was you who won me, from the start.”

“You love me?” Tommy repeated. Her head swam. “The real me?”

“With all my heart. I understand if you don’t love me back anymore,” Philippa said. “If I lost your love when I lost your trust, it’s no more than I deserve. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I disappointed you.”

“You did hurt me.” Tommy hugged herself. She loved Philippa madly, but was no longer willing to settle for temporary. She wanted it all. “You made me feel less than a fictional character. I wasn’t even second best. When you couldn’t have him, you left me without another word.”

“It is indefensible.” Philippa placed her goblet on a side table and pressed a hand to her heart. “I wasn’t even running fromyou. I was running from my fears and my insecurities and my embarrassment.”

Tommy knew what it was like to let one’s fears guide one’s actions. She had fled rather than speak to Philippa at the end-of-season gala. And it had taken her siblings’ intervention and several false starts to prance up to the York carriage at Hyde Park and introduce herself.

But they hadn’t known each other yet. From that moment on, Tommy had made their growing relationship a priority. There was no running away from something you wanted to make work. You put in the effort even when it was difficult or uncomfortable. Especially then. Love wasn’t one person putting the other first, but rather all parties taking care of each other.

Always.Not just when it was convenient.

Tommy compressed her lips. “What will you do the next time you’re afraid or embarrassed?”

“I don’t know,” Philippa said honestly. “But I won’t do it alone. Whatever happens, we’ll work it out together. My place is at your side…if you’ll have me.”

“You won’t be tempted to run away?”

“Withyou, but notfromyou. You are the person I wish to have and to belong to. Every single day for the rest of my life.” With shaking fingers, Philippa removed her top hat and dropped to one knee.

Tommy’s heart began to clatter.

“My beloved Tommy Wynchester.” Eyes beseeching, Philippa lifted Tommy’s hand to her lips for a kiss. “You are perfect exactly as you are. I love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. With me, you can always be Tommy, and it will always be more than enough.”

Tommy wanted to believe it. Needed to believe it.

Wasterrifiedof letting herself believe it.

Philippa pressed Tommy’s fingers to her chest. “Please allow me to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Tommy shoved her hands in her pockets. “Your parents—”