Page 114 of The Perks of Loving a Wallflower

“Iwouldbe with you,” Philippa said.

“You’d be with Baron Vanderbean,” Tommy said. “Anywhere he might reasonably be expected. Which is everywhereyouare. In public. At private gatherings. At home.”

“I rarely attend society events,” Philippa pointed out, “and the baron is famously reclusive. Besides, my own parents are rarely seen together. I could spend most ofmytime with my sister-in-law.”

Tommy closed her eyes. “Miss Thomasina” wasalsoa disguise.

“In any case, you make an excellent Baron Vanderbean. His costume is very comfortable, remember?”

“Any costume is unbearable if it cannot be removed. Theater is an enjoyable pastime because itends. Four hours, then the curtain closes. But everywhere I went would be my theater. Every day. Constantly onstage, even at home.”

“Iwould know you were really you. Your family would know you were really you.”

“My family would never ask me to hide myself for the rest of my life,” Tommy said quietly. “They love me. They would never prefer a fictional character over the real Tommy.”

Philippa blanched. “I—”

“I want to be wanted for me.Asme. Doesn’t everyone?” Tommy opened her arms wide in supplication. “Or did you think I own so many disguises because there’s nothing underneath?”

Philippa’s voice shook. “That’s not fair.”

“I’mnot fair?” Tommy said in disbelief. “How can you ask me to marry you as Baron Vanderbean? Thereisno Baron Vanderbean.”

“But you have wardrobes full of—”

“Being caught dressed as a chimneysweep wouldn’t matter. Being caught impersonating one’s conspicuously absent benefactor, however…The ramifications could be severe.”

Philippa’s face drained of color. “But if you—”

“It is one thing to don temporary disguises for our clients when the circumstances warrant,” Tommy said quietly, “but I was not planning to live a lie for the rest of time.”

Or to continue using Bean’s name as if it were her own.

Philippa’s eyes were wide, her cheeks pallid.

Tommy kept her voice even. “I thank you for your kind offer. I must decline. I want my partner to be the person I can be myself with.” She now despaired of such a dream ever coming true. “Even if that means it cannot be you.”

“I didn’t mean…” Philippa’s voice wobbled. “It seemed like…a compromise…”

“I don’t want a compromise,” Tommy said. “I want to be loved. I want forever. I want it all. And I want you.”

Philippa’s gaze jerked back to hers. “What?”

“I love you,” Tommy said simply. “I love Miss Philippa York, without qualification or limitations.” Her ribs ached. “Saying no to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I hope my counteroffer is one we can both say yes to.”

“What counteroffer?”

“This: I’ll be Tommy, and you’ll be Philippa, and we’ll live here, together, happily ever after.”

Philippa’s face twisted in anguish. She let out a long, shuddering breath. “I can’t.”

Those two words sliced through Tommy as though she had been run through with a blade. “You can’t or you don’t want to?”

Philippa stepped forward, her face beseeching. “My parents expect—”

“Aren’t you sick of your parents’ expectations?” Tommy burst out. “Don’t you expect better ofthem?”

“They are trying their best,” Philippa said in misery. “I’m the one who is not. I have shamed them. And if I were to…Withyou…”