Page 38 of The Paternity Puzzle
“Call Kelsey and do something fun today,” he’d whispered. “Keep your mind busy so you don’t ruminate on the past or work yourself up over things that haven’t happened yet.”
“You think you know me?” Sawyer had asked groggily.
A soft chuckle had rumbled from Royce’s chest. The sound was warm and tender, and Sawyer had wanted to wrap it around him like a blanket cocoon. “I know you better than I know myself. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Royce had placed one last kiss on his cheek before leaving their bedroom. Sawyer had tried to go back to sleep, but his husband’s predictions had been spot-on, so he’d thrown back the covers and dove into his usual morning routine for himself and the pets. Then he started cleaning their already spotless house while listening to podcastepisodes on healing anxiety and working through trauma responses. The combination of movement and positive encouragement helped get him into a good headspace, but an undercurrent of angst still rippled beneath his skin and made him itchy. As long as Sawyer kept moving, he could ignore the sensation. He debated doing a deeper clean, like moving appliances to scrub under and behind them, when his phone chimed with a notification. He picked it up and saw a Ring camera alert for activity in front of the house. His pulse raced with excitement at the prospect of Royce returning home, but a ball of warmth formed in his chest when he played the video and saw Kelsey’s vehicle pull into the driveway instead.
He leaped from the couch and jogged to the front door, yanking it open as she stepped onto the porch wearing a strapless yellow romper that was almost as sunny as her smile. She’d pulled her curls into a ponytail and wore a white-and-yellow-patterned headscarf. Kels had accessorized the look with chunky asymmetrical earrings and a collection of white and yellow bangle bracelets on her wrists. She was barefaced and as fresh as the tiny daisies dotting the thin yellow straps of her flip-flops. She’d slung her purse and an oversized tote over one shoulder and carried a paper bag with handles in the other.
Sawyer released a slow whistle. “You look like you just walked off the set ofPalm Royale.” They’d loved the costumes from the first season and Ricky Martin, of course. The guy just kept getting sexier with age. “Have you ever looked less than gorgeous for a single day of your life?” Sawyer asked. “And don’t you dare mention childbirth because I’ve seen the pictures, and you looked like a million bucks after pushing a human out of your body.”
Kelsey snorted and rolled her eyes, but her smile grew impossibly bigger. “I took a few minutes to tidy up before I let Andrew take pictures of me holding Ella. I was a hot-ass mess.”
“Huh-uh,” Sawyer said dismissively. He’d visited Kelsey at the hospital when she was in active labor. A sheen of sweat had coated her face as she breathed through an intense contraction. Maybe she considered herself a hot mess, but Sawyer had never seen anyone look more fiercely beautiful. A hard lump lodged in his throat when he realized that he and Royce would get to share this experience with Kelsey when she brought their baby into the world. Not if, when. He had to believe and not let negative thoughts win. Sawyer tried to say more, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I know.” Kelsey lowered the paper bag to the porch and wrapped her arms around him.
Sawyer held her as close as the bulky tote permitted and breathed in her comforting jasmine-and-vanilla scent. A deep breath dislodged the lump, freeing his vocal cords. “I’m so grateful for you.”
Kelsey pulled back and patted his cheek. “And that’s before you know about the goodies I brought for us.” She picked up the paper bag and turned it so he could see the bakery logo on it.
“Good thing my shorts have an elastic waistband.” He relieved Kelsey of her burdens and stepped aside so she could enter. “Did Royce ask you to check on me?” Sawyer asked as heshut the door and followed Kelsey to the kitchen. He doubted very much that her appearance was serendipitous after the comment Royce had made before leaving.
“No.” Kelsey set her purse on an island stool and then turned to face him. “I texted him to see how he was holding up while investigating the Matisse case.”
“And that’s when he told you I was moping around and creating problems that haven’t happened yet?”
Kelsey shook her head. “He expressed the mindfuck this situation was having on every person who’d ever visited a fertility clinic.” She reached for Sawyer’s hand and squeezed. “You should call Dr. Flores and talk to her about the situation. She can give you assurances that will ease your anxieties.”
“She’s going to get bombarded with calls. Every person who has sought her services will freak out.”
“Understandably so,” Kelsey said. “But it is her job to reassure her patients that they aren’t a victim of a heinous crime.”
“I’ll consider it,” Sawyer told her. “Are you okay?” They’d talked numerous times since the news broke, but Kelsey’s resolve was as unflappable as her faith in Dr. Flores.
“I am because I won’t entertain the idea that some random dude’s sperm could’ve been blasted into my uterus, either intentionally or by accident.”
Sawyer cringed at the images her words created. “That’s an unimaginable violation that should have serious repercussions. Fraud just doesn’t seem like a harsh enough classification.”
“Matisse wasn’t the only doctor to pull this shit. Fertility procedures were so new when he started that there weren’t many laws and regulations governing the treatments.” Kelsey sighed. “Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ve moved the needle forward much since then. All the attention focuses on the financial fraud aspect and not the emotional trauma of whatfeels like the deepest betrayal to these victims.” She inhaled deeply and shook her body on the exhale, as if to physically purge the bad thoughts. “I’m here to distract you and not feed into your fears.” She held out her hand for her tote bag, and Sawyer passed it to her. Kelsey pulled out a large tablet and grinned. “Royce told me you picked out a color for the baby’s room. How do you feel about creating a Pinterest board for decorating ideas?”
It felt like something he should do with Royce, though his husband showed more interest in the high-tech gadgets like the electric baby swing with a wide base that gently and quietly swayed from side to side. Picking out the paint color had all been for Sawyer’s benefit. Hesitation must’ve shown in his face because Kelsey placed a cool hand on his arm.
“Or not. I don’t mean to overstep,” she said.
Sawyer was quick to assure her. “You’re not. We don’t have a clue about what babies need, and we welcome your input.” He gestured to her abdomen and added, “There won’t be a baby without you, so…”
Kelsey stepped forward and cupped his face with both hands. “Sweetheart, I volunteered to help create and carry a baby for you and Royce. There’s nothing more I want to do than help you both realize your dreams of growing your family. That said, being your surrogate slash best friend doesn’t entitle me to make decisions about the baby’s nursery, how they’ll dress, or where they’ll go to school.”
Sawyer grimaced. “That sounds harsh.”
“It’s honest, and I need to remind myself of the role I’ve chosen.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “I’m going to have opinions.”
“You? I’m shocked,” Sawyer teased.
“Mm-hmm. But that doesn’t mean I need to air them.” Kelsey briefly placed a finger over his mouth before he could respond.“Your friendship means the world to me, and I think it’s important we acknowledge this arrangement might get hard at times. I can’t grow a human inside my body without forming an emotional bond, no matter how many times I tell myself that he or she won’t be mine to keep. You and Royce will have your own set of fears to battle, even though you both trust me with your whole hearts. Utmost honesty is going to be crucial here, and we might need to establish boundaries to preserve relationships we all value as much as our marriages. But all the challenges will all be worth it in the end because the baby will have the most amazing dads and the most stylish auntie on the planet.”