Page 32 of The Paternity Puzzle
His father winced at the memory. “Does he know I said something so stupid?”
“No,” Royce said. “And I didn’t withhold the details of our argument to protect you.”
“Then why?”
Royce let his gaze wander out the window, where children squealed with delight as they chased one another on the lawn. He’d never thought about why he’d kept Eddie’s latest gaffe to himself. Sure, it would’ve hurt Sawyer’s feelings, but he would’ve worked through it like healthy adults do. He would’ve said that Eddie only asked a question most people would’ve been afraid to, and he would’ve reached the point where he commended Eddie’s curiosity and viewed it as a step in the right direction. Royce could even picture Sawyer saying something like “learning is growing.” No, he hadn’t kept quiet to protect Sawyer. So why? The truth hit Royce hard and stole his breath as he met Eddie’s anxious gray eyes. They both realized this was a big step in their relationship. “I kept it to myself to protect you, to keep this moment right here a possibility. I saw the acknowledgment in your gaze when I pointed out how wrong you were to suggest such a thing. You weren’t ready to admit your mistake out loud, but I thought there might come a moment when you would. And maybe I didn’t want to make it harder on you to apologize and put things right.”
Eddie scrubbed a hand over his face and exhaled heavily. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I want it.” He paused to swallow hard before continuing. “I was wrong to say what I did.There’s no way I’d want you to turn your back on the guy you love just to choose an easier path. Hell, I can’t imagine you with anyone else. Sawyer is it for you. I’m truly sorry for what I said.”
“Thank you, Eddie,” Royce said. “And I accept your apology.”
Eddie expelled a long breath. “And I learned I don’t have to understand every damn thing to accept it.”
Royce arched a brow. “Wow. That’s awfully woke of you, Eddie. I’m impressed.”
His father snorted. “Well, they were running a sale at the store. Buy a polo shirt and get some empathy and compassion for free.” He looked down at his chest and pulled the shirt fabric from his body. “Do I look stupid?” He raised his chin and met Royce’s gaze head-on, letting him see genuine vulnerability. “Or do I look like an actor trying to portray a decent guy?”
Royce scoffed. “You look very handsome. Sawyer calls you a silver fox.”
“Clearly, the man has good taste,” Eddie said, gesturing between the two of them.
“But you don’t have to change your clothes to be a different person on the inside,” Royce told him. “If this is what you want to wear, then strut your stuff. But if you don’t think Jo will like you if—”
“This wasn’t her idea,” Eddie said. “I just wanted to try something new.” He looked down at himself again briefly. “I like how I feel when I wear nicer clothes.”
“That’s all that matters,” Royce said. “Tell me about PFLAG and Jo.”
“I’d told a lesbian on my construction crew about our argument. She let me have it with both barrels and told me about PFLAG. It took me a few weeks to work up my courage to attend a meeting, but I went. I felt foolish and so out of place, but the people went out of their way to make me feel comfortable. It took a couple of weeks before I let my guard down long enough tohave an honest conversation with the group. It helped to talk to parents of bisexual sons in same-sex relationships.”
“It also didn’t hurt that one of the parents was exceptionally pretty,” Royce teased.
Eddie chuckled, and a pink blush crept up his neck. “I was already on the right path when Jo arrived on the scene. Her daughter had just come out as pansexual, and Jo wanted to take all the right steps to support her.” Eddie inhaled deeply and pressed two fingers to his sternum.
“Are you experiencing chest pains?”
Eddie nodded but held up his hand when Royce reached for his phone to call 911. “Not those kinds of pains. The growing kind, I think.” He swallowed hard and kissed the top of Dolly’s head. The little dog licked his cheek excitedly. “Jo scares me.” He shook his head. “No, that’s not right. Damn, all this talking about shit is hard.” His honesty made Royce smile, but he didn’t risk saying anything that would ruin the moment. “My feelings for Jo scare me.” Eddie continued to rub his sternum. “I haven’t felt this way about a woman since I met your mama. My track record with good women is downright terrible. I’m afraid to love Jo almost as much as I am to lose her.”
Royce pinched his forearm to see if he was dreaming. The gesture caught Eddie’s attention, and he snorted. So much for not ruining the moment.
“Smart-ass,” Eddie said.
“I come by it naturally.”
“That’s for damn sure.” Eddie ran a hand through his hair. “I’m a damn mess, aren’t I?”
Royce smiled at his dad. “That’s how you know you’ve found a good one. Giving in to the fear is easy, but you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Putting yourself out there is risky, but the rewards are worth it. And if you don’t think you deserve her, then do the work until you do.” Moments of his life withSawyer flashed through his mind like a beautiful slideshow. He relived the moment they got engaged and exchanged vows. He replayed grocery store shenanigans and backyard barbecues. Royce thought about the trip to the fertility clinic and the myriad ways they’d celebrated their love, like slow sex on Sundays. Hot damn, risking his battered heart and putting in the effort to become a better man was so worth it.
Eddie stared at him for several moments before he nodded. “You’re right.” He slapped his knees and stood up. “You’re wearing that dopey expression you get every time you think about Sawyer.”
“Guilty, but maybe I’m more like you than I realize.” When Eddie only tilted his head, Royce continued. “You should see your face when you look at Jo.”
The blush from earlier turned a darker shade of pink on his father’s skin. “She’s incredible. And not just her looks,” Eddie quickly added. “She’s intelligent and thoughtful. I don’t think Jo knows a stranger, and she always has something kind to say. And the way she parents…is incredible.” Eddie lowered his head to look at Dolly. He lifted the small dog up and softened his voice. “That’s how moms and dads are supposed to be, Doll Doll. They’re not supposed to make their kids afraid to be themselves.”
A tingling sensation began in Royce’s nose, and tears stung the back of his eyes. He blinked before they could form because Eddie hadn’t reached that level of openness yet, but he sure appreciated the steps his dad had already taken.
Eddie lifted his head once more and met Royce’s gaze. “That’s the kind of parent you’ll be.”
Emotion clogged his throat, and Royce swallowed hard so he could respond. “I hope so, Eddie.”