Page 51 of The Pack Next Door (The Wolfverse #4)
Gideon
The first time I helped my mate ride out her heat was supposed to be a moment of triumph.
So why was I consumed by as much shame as I was lust the last few days?
I wrung out the mop viciously, then swiped it across the floor, when a set of feet came into my field of vision.
I looked up to find Jace standing there.
“You’ve done a good job.”
He looked around, seeing that every evidence that we’d been here was erased from the floor.
The bedding was stripped and was swirling around in the washing machine.
A couple of candles lit and the windows opened, allowing fresh air to whisk away Briar’s scent.
I hadn’t wanted to. That rich floral perfume…
I’d be uncomfortable walking past florists for the rest of my life, unable to smell roses without thinking of her.
The way she felt in my arms, her gasps, her moans.
My mind had catalogued every single one of them, because on some level, I knew I didn’t deserve them.
“It’s almost as if nothing happened,” Jace finished.
“And for us, we have to act like it didn’t.
” I fixed him in my gaze. “We didn’t earn the right to be here for Briar’s heat.
” A shake of my head and I was forced to acknowledge the feeling that came rushing in at that statement.
“I didn’t deserve to help her through her heat.
I let… everything.” I couldn’t open that can of worm, not yet.
“Get in the way of what was important. The alpha trials, Mum…” My hand wrapped tighter around the handle.
“I fucked up. Right when I was supposed to be proving myself worthy of Briar, I showed her exactly what kind of alpha I am.”
“Maybe you should tell her that.”
Looking up, it felt like my skin burned hotter than during her heat. Briar stood there, Mads at her back, clad only in a towel. My eyes sucked in the view of her just as hungrily, right before I met her eyes.
“Just that,” I said. “I was an idiot. I didn’t listen to you when you made clear you wanted to come back to the city, because in my mind, it would all work out. We’d become the next ruling pack, and you’d be vindicated by becoming the omega.”
“Something I told you I didn’t want.”
Her clipped tones, the way she jerked open drawers and then pulled clothes on, it was nothing more than I deserved.
“I didn’t listen.” With a blink, I saw my mother’s bruises, heard her words pleading with me to get her out of our hometown, but now I saw that for what it was.
“I could try and excuse that…” With a shake of my head, I forged on.
“But there’s no point, because there is no valid one.
Just lies and bullshit, and you deserve more than to hear me recite that.
Just…” The mop was put back in the bucket and I drifted closer because my feet, my eyes, my focus was always drawn back to Briar. “Know that we’re here now.”
“Before you head back home, right?” Our mate looked from one to the other of us. “You’re going back to Moon River.”
“Mum wanted to live there.” Mads shrugged. “Well, now she can, unless she pisses off Omega Hart and his pack.”
Her scoff made clear what we all knew to be true. The chance of my mother pulling her head in and behaving in a reasonable manner was slim to none, but she wasn’t my concern anymore.
“If it’s only to get you through your next heat…” My hand rose, wanting to touch her, but instead, I asked for her phone. She watched me tap in my and my brothers’ contact details with a small frown. “We’ll be here for you, Briar, in whatever capacity you’ll allow us.”
“Looks like that’s our cue to leave.” When Mads turned Briar to face him, I bit down on my tongue. Anything to shut the fuck up as he pressed his forehead to hers. “But for once, I agree with Gideon.”
“OK, we need to buy a lotto ticket or something,” Jace muttered, “because that never happens.”
“Whatever you need, however you need it.” Her cheeks flushed pink as he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “We’ll be there.”
I left them to make their goodbyes, instead emptying the mop bucket and hanging up the mop before meeting them at the door.
Don’t leave, that’s what the wolf growled, but he was never the one that ruled me.
I kept him locked down tight, just like I did now.
Walking outside, the world seemed too bright, too sterile.
Everything in me wanted back inside the soft cocoon of Briar’s apartment, but that wasn’t gonna happen. We’d invaded her space for long enough.
“So what now?” Jace asked once we were downstairs. “We don’t have a place to stay or anything.”
“Mads?”
“Oh, so we’re asking me now?” That irritation and shock on my brother’s face was what I deserved, and I bore it without comment. He shook his head, frowned and then smiled. “Huh, I fantasised about this moment, but never anticipated how weird this would feel.”
“You saw what was important from the start,” I said, staring into my brother’s eyes. “The plan to leave with Briar was the right one. Your instincts are the only ones I trust right now.” My throat bobbed as I tried to swallow the massive lump in my throat and failed. “Mine…?”
The heat was a blessing of sorts, because it stopped me thinking about what might’ve been.
If I’d let Briar go. If I’d given into our parents’ wishes and taken over the town, Moon River would’ve become a despotic hell hole, just like the place we were trying to escape, this time with our parents in charge.
With me as their puppet alpha.
“Let’s just say that my judgement isn’t to be trusted.
” I forced my eyes up because despite our parents’ teaching, there was one thing I’d learned myself.
Admitting fault and making amends was the only way forward.
Otherwise a problem just dogged your steps, nipping at your heels until you were forced to acknowledge it.
“You tried to tell me multiple times, and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry for that.”
“OK, this is a bit, right?” Jace looked around him wildly.
“We’re getting punked.” When Mads just stared at me, Jace shrugged.
“Aliens? Pod people? Controlled by an anal probe?” He waved his hand in front of my face.
“You’re a robot and someone has my actual brother in an experimental lab somewhere. ”
I ignored him, watching Mads’ every reaction.
When his jaw muscle flexed, I braced myself for a rejection.
It’s what I would’ve done if I was him. How could two little words like I’m sorry make up for everything that went down?
Right then, I wished I was a poet or a writer.
Someone with the capacity to use words to express everything I felt.
Not just a sense of failure that threatened to smash me like a bug, but…
the loss that came from putting everything into something and realising what I was striving for was utterly meaningless.
Mads ended up dragging his hand across his face, looking impossibly tired.
“I both needed to hear that more than almost anything today,” he finally replied.
“And am too fucking tired to respond in any sensible way. It’s been days since we’ve had a decent sleep.
” When his hand landed on my shoulder, my whole body tensed in shock.
A hard squeeze and then it was gone again.
“But all I ever wanted was for you to get your head out of your arse, brother. Any day you do that, you can count on me to stick by you.”
If the squeeze took me by surprise, pulling me in for a bro hug was even weirder.
For a moment I just stood there, not knowing what the fuck to do when my brother’s arms went around me, right before I remembered I knew exactly how to respond.
I hugged him right back, hoping, praying that I could convey in this hard embrace everything I was feeling.
Loved, but unworthy of that love. Relieved, yet not feeling like I’d earned that either, but most of all?
Not exactly happy, but the promise of it.
Yeah, that sprang to life as Mads slapped my back, then pulled away.
“You could apologise too, Pretty Boy.” Mads shot Jace a dark look. “You played along with his bullshit.”
“Hey, don’t start in on me. No one cared enough to ask my opinion and I was too busy trying to keep the peace to insist anyone listen.”
“So what will you do now?” I asked. “If Mads and I aren’t fighting all the time, where does that leave you?”
Jace frowned and then glanced back at us.
“Not sure. Maybe if I sleep for two days straight, I’ll be able to tell you.”
“Hotel.” Mads nodded. “Get some sleep and then work out how to make clear that we’re the right alphas for Briar.
” My knee-jerk reaction was one of concern when a sly smile spread across Mads’ face, but I now knew that wasn’t the right one.
“That Emma girl seemed to think they needed some extra hands at the warehouse. She tried to rope us into carrying boxes for her, thinking Briar had hired some help. Seems like there’s a need in our mate’s life that we can easily fulfil. ”
He pulled the car keys out of his pocket.
“Sleep and then we make our mate’s life exponentially easier.”
For once, my wolf and I completely agreed to a plan. As a pack, we walked towards the car, and for the very first time, we were a cohesive one.