Page 5 of The One With the Scoundrel of a Duke (Wicked Widows’ League #31)

R IGHTLY SO, HER THREE sisters just stared at her blankly. It was almost comedic to see the three of them squished together in the doorframe, vying for place, and studying her right back.

“A makeover?” Amelia finally asked while Alice ushered her into the room.

“Yes.” She nodded firmly, hoping the gesture would continue to feed her courage. She was the eldest sister, not the one to go to her younger (in fact, some of her youngest) sisters for help, but there was no one she trusted more. “I want to feel better about myself. I want to feel strong again.”

The words felt silly, but they were no less true.

“It’s been too long that I’ve lived with too much fear.” As she spoke, she knew she needed to plow ahead and not let up in case she lost what pluck she had.

“It’s about time,” Alice whispered amused.

Audra threw her a look.

“I just mean that you’ve always been the bravest one of all us. And of course you lost some of that. It only makes sense to lose part of yourself in such a devastating loss. But” —she embraced Audra tightly— “I’m thrilled that you want to reclaim yourself.”

“Oh.” Yes. A single word was all she managed. She hadn’t been sure how her sisters would react, though she should have expected this. After all, they had been the ones to make the suggestion weeks earlier.

Florence clapped her hands softly together. “We’ve been waiting for this.”

“You have been?” Of course they had been.

“Yes.” Amelia’s grin was as vibrant as the stars in the sky as she clasped Audra’s hand. “Now, what kind of makeover are we talking about?”

The three sisters (Amelia third born, Alice fifth born, and Florence sixth born) were pushing her into the center of the room.

This all felt a bit familiar. And a bit engulfing.

Trepidation, fear’s irksome little cousin, was knocking on her door, but she saw it for what it was and didn’t permit its entry.

“I’m thinking a new dress,” Audra said while pulling the skirts of her current gown out for the sisters to comment on. “And perhaps something with my hair?”

The sisters oohed and awed while she opened up about her ideas.

“Why do you want to do this?” Amelia asked in the way a wisely humble person questioned someone’s motives in order to get to a deeper truth. “Change your dress, your hair…what do you hope this will accomplish?”

The question could have been crushing, but she knew Amelia’s heart. Her intention was always to see the best possible future for her.

And she wanted to be honest with her sisters, fully transparent.

Something she hadn't been in a while, and was suffering for. That was the problem with building up one’s defenses.

Often they turned into a self-made prison.

Brick by brick. Higher and higher. The fortress kept people out.

The bad ones and the good ones. There had to be a better way to protect her heart instead of hiding it away, and she was finally ready to say it aloud. “I want to rebuild my courage.”

“Do you really think it starts with a dress?” Amelia’s eyes were soft though her question was direct.

Alice swatted Amelia’s arm. “Are you trying to discourage her? She’s here. She wants a change. This is what we’ve been waiting for. Let’s just help her with what she wants.”

Florence took a deep breath before voicing her opinion. “We may have been waiting for a while, but Audra’s had the worst of it, so all the same, I’d like to hear her answer as well.”

The questions were difficult to field. She hadn’t expected such depths to be exposed, but it was time.

“Maybe it doesn’t start with a dress…” Her resolve was already dissipating.

An errant thought flung itself through her mind: perhaps she should have tried to do the makeover on her own.

But no, that would have only added to the loneliness.

And really, she needed this. She could feel it.

“What happens when you take the dress off and you’re all alone in your bed at night?” Amelia pressed her point further. “It may have given you some confidence in the day, but what about in your spirit?”

“You know you’re right, Amelia. Perhaps I was foolish to think a dress could change anything.”

Amelia stepped up beside her, looking into their reflection. “I didn’t say it wouldn’t change anything, but it certainly won’t change everything . If you want a new dress, you should get one and you should feel good in it. But don’t expect it to do more for you than it can.”

“She’s right,” Florence said hovering on her other side.

“The change you’re desperate for is already inside of you.

You just have to call it out. You are already beautiful, no matter what you wear or how you look.

Your beauty is inside of you. It’s your soul.

Your essence. And for far too long it’s remained dormant.

But it’s still there, Audra. Just wake it up. ”

The burning in the corner of her eyes was real, and the tears that slipped down her cheeks were a blessing.

“You need to love yourself, Audra. More than even we love you.” Florence’s encouraging words brought on more tears.

“Choose to love yourself first. Only from there will you have anything to offer the world around you. In fact, you’ll have everything you need to find your place in the world. Just…love yourself first.”

Audra allowed the tears to fall, and several minutes passed while she let her sisters hold her, infusing their love into her. After the tears had finally stopped, she looked up into each of their faces, so grateful to have them in her life.

“We can get you a new dress, Audra.” Alice patted her back. “But we’re also here for you if you want to try something even more daring.”

Pang! went her heart.

And that…those words… something even more daring …those four words lodged themselves into her heart because that’s exactly what she needed. They were powerful. Challenging. Enticing.

She owed it to herself to take a second chance on herself.

Not on love. Not on marriage. Just herself.

This was her life and at the end of it, she would be the only one who could look back and see it all.

She was the only one who could say with confidence that she lived her best life or with regret that she missed out.

So yes to something . Yes to more . And Yes to daring .

It was like that small pang she felt at those words was actually a small thawing in her spirit.

Yes, certainly, there was something dormant, perhaps frozen.

But it wanted out. Wanted to be free and fully alive.

What would it take to get there? How could she call out to her spirit?

How loud did she have to be? Chills flew up and down her arms, their light fluttering feathers leaving small goosebumps in their wake.

No to fear. Yes to herself. That’s the makeover she needed.

But she also wanted the new dress.