Page 114 of The New Couple in 5B

I shake my head at him. “You’re right. Itdoesn’tseem like that. And I need my lawyer.”

The staring contest continues. And finally, I lose, walk away into the living room, feeling the heat of his gaze on my back.

thirty-six

Sarah sits beside me on the couch, and I remember how she used to climb into my bed during thunderstorms because she was afraid, but her nearness comforted me, as well. I lean into her, and she pushes back.

“What will you do?” she whispers.

The phone feels like a dead weight in my hand, none of my calls returned.

I give her the truthful answer. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s go,” she says. “Let’s go home. Where you belong.”

Why doesn’t she understand that I don’t belong there anymore? I look around the apartment. I’m not sure I belong here, either. Where do I belong?

“You go,” I say. “I have to stay.”

“You don’t,” she says. Her eyes are wide with worry. She tugs at my arm. “It’s not safe here. You’re not safe.”

“This is my home,” I tell her, sounding defensive and tense even to my own ears. “I can’t just leave. Chad ismissing.”

The phrase hurts to utter, opens that gully of worry and fear. He didn’t turn up on set. That’s unthinkable. Never checked in to his hotel. His location services are off; he still hasn’t answered my calls. My husband ismissing.

“Chad,” she says. “I googled him.”

I draw in and release a breath, say nothing. I always think of her living as we did—no internet, of course, no television, radio, newspapers, a place utterly apart from the chaos my father perceived in the world. And here she is googling my husband.

“Rosie,” she whispers. “He’s surrounded by death.He’sthe monster. The one who’s drinking your blood.”

“Stop it,” I say sharply, holding up a palm.

“I saw him,” she whispers fiercely. “In my dreams, he had his teeth in your neck and you weren’t even fighting him.”

“Sarah.”

She stands and starts pulling at me. “I came here for you, to save you, to take you away from this place, from him. To bring you home where you’ll be safe. Daddy wants you to come home. We need you.”

I try to imagine the urgency, the fear, that made her travel from home to this urban jungle, to brave the strange world to find me. She loves me. I know this. But I’m not going with her.

“Iamhome,” I say, standing. “I’m not going with you. I’m never going back there, Sarah. Ever.”

The look of hurt on her face twists my heart.

“Can’t you feel it? The danger here,” she says. “There’s been nothing but death here. You lost yourchild. You said so.”

I draw in a breath against the anger I feel. She can’t help it. She’s been brainwashed, like I was, to believe that her imaginings and fantasies are real. She believes she’s here to help me, that she can take me away from this life and save me from whatever is happening. But she can’t.

“Sarah,” I say calmly. “Please go. Go home to your husband, to Dad, to your dreams. I can handle my own life.”

She blows out a breath, looks around. “I can see that.”

“Just—go.”

She stares at me a moment, then walks over to the table and grabs her duffel. She gives me a sad look, then leaves through the back door. I hear the fire door to the stairs open and close. Faintly, her footfalls echo off the concrete. I fight back tears as I listen to her disappear from my life, probably for good. Part of me wants to chase after—to follow her away, or to bring her back. But the truth is that we belong to different worlds and it’s better if we part before we hurt each other any more than we already have.

I walk next door to Charles and Ella’s, knock softly. I have a thousand questions for them.