Page 7 of The Mad Highlander

7

C ayden's mind was consumed by the look of disappointment in Iris’ eyes when he left her with his mother and sister. The weight of his responsibilities as the Laird and the impending council meeting weighed heavily on him.

“Ye look as if ye have the world’s problems on yer shoulders.” Hunter Clarke came ambling toward Cayden where he sat in the gardens. Being the Laird of the neighboring clan, Laird McLaren had been his friend for as long as Cayden could recall. His tall, formidable build and long blonde hair that he kept in a braid down his back gave him a jolly kind of look that always puzzled Cayden.

“I went to Castle McCabe to fetch me a new bride.” Cayden sighed heavily and shook his head. It still didn’t seem real to him that a woman like Iris would become his wife. It was more surprising that she had not been scared of him—there had been moments of fear on their journey, but she had mostly challenged him even when she could not look him in the eye. She was another puzzle he could not solve.

Hunter stopped in his tracks and let out a long whistle. “How the devil did yer maither finally talk ye into doing that?”

“It wasnae me maither; Laird McCabe needed to strike a deal, and he turned to me for help, of course. He needed a fight, and he was too weak to bring a fight by himself. I was his best option, and I asked for somethin’ in return. A good way to kill two birds with one stone: I get a wife, and I get a reason to fight the Murdochs.”

“Ye get exactly what ye want, but why the long face?’ Hunter picked a spot beside him on the bench and took a seat. “Is the lass nae bonny?” He made himself comfortable with one arm flung over the back of the stone bench.

“She’s bonny alright, bonny an’ stubborn,” Cayden grumbled and shook his head.

Hunter threw back his head and laughed from the pit of his stomach. “I take it the lass is fiery? Even if she is, I cannae see what the problem is; surely ye can tame her?”

Cayden almost scoffed at the idea of taming Iris. Even if he had wanted to do anything of the sort, a feat like that would involve spending more time with her, something which he intended to avoid at all costs. “I lost control and almost kissed her,” he admitted begrudgingly to his friend.

“Is that nae a good thing?” Hunter seemed to sober up, searching Cayden’s face.

Cayden gave his friend a wan look. “Nae if I lose control; ye ken very well what can happen if I do.”

“Nae with a lass, ye’ve never lost control with a lass. I dinnae think it would be the worst thing in the world if ye allowed the lass in. Ye may even get a better hold on yer temper if ye did.”

Shaking his head, Cayden looked off into the distance. “Naebody can change me, Hunter, nae even a lass as bonny as Iris.”

“I think it is about time for ye to move on, Cayden. Allow yerself to be happy. ’Tis nae yer fault,” Hunter said gently.

Cayden’s eyes flashed with anger as he turned to face Hunter. “Nae me fault?” he snapped. “I should have protected them. I should have been there.”

Hunter sighed and placed his hand on Cayden’s shoulder, his voice filled with concern. “Ye couldnae have kent what would happen. Ye were just a bairn, nae a god.”

Cayden’s fists clenched, turning his knuckles white. “I am nae right in me mind, Hunter,” he admitted, his voice a harsh whisper. “I could hurt her. I could hurt anybody if I lost control.”

“Then why did ye agree to marry her?”

“Because it is me duty to the clan as laird, and I am nae one to shy away from me duty. I ken I have made some mistakes, and I ken I will make mistakes again, but a guid man keeps movin’ forward. Everythin’ I do is for our betterment, and I will never lose that.”

Hunter gave Cayden’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze before lowering his hand. “I ken yer fears, me friend, but ye cannae let them control ye forever. Ye deserve to be happy.”

“Happy?” Cayden scoffed. “How can I be happy when all I see are their faces an’ their blood on me hands?” He lifted his hands and examined them as if the stains were still there.

Hunter’s face tightened, his voice firm. “Ye are nae yer faither, Cayden. Ye are nae responsible for his actions. Ye have the power to walk a different path. So what is stopping ye?”

Cayden said nothing.

Hunter was a load of unwavering support for his friend. “Ye just have to conquer it, Cayden. Stop letting the auld lang syne haunt ye. Ye didnae murder them. At this point, I am feelin’ ye have to search yerself ’afore ye can heal.”

“Enough of this.” Cayden stared off into the distance as he rubbed his hands together, unconsciously trying to remove the non-existent stains. The council would have gathered already, and he wasn’t nearly prepared to face them, yet he knew it would have to be done whether he was ready or not.

“The men are here already. Should I tell them to come back later?” Hunter asked after a brief pause.

“Nay,” Cayden said. “It has to go ahead. I called for it, remember? And there is nae time to waste. Will ye leave?”

“Leave? I’ll be right behind ye,” Hunter replied and patted Cayden’s arm as they both stood. “Nae matter what happens, I shall be at yer side every step of the way.”

Members of the council gathered around a large oak table; their voices were filled with urgency as they shouted back and forth. The topic of discussion was the Murdochs, a powerful family with a dark history.

One of the larger men of the bunch stood, his pudgy belly sagging as he placed his fists on the table and addressed the men. His beady black eyes were almost unnoticeable on his large face which mainly consisted of a crooked nose and an overgrown black beard. “Me Laird,” he acknowledged Cayden then turned to the rest. “Why are we even talking about the Murdochs again? We shouldnae; this matter has been settled for years. Opening old wounds willnae do anyone any good.”

“Ye ken why we are talking about the Murdochs, Duncan,” Cayden interjected. “A young man has been kidnapped.”

“Who has naething to do with our clan? Why should we care if he has been taken; perhaps the lad should have been wiser.” Duncan looked around the room for support.

Half of the men murmured as the turned to one another and nodded while the other half began to quarrel again.

Cayden banged his empty mug on the table and waited for everyone to settle down before responding. “The lad’s sister will soon be me wife; that makes the lad as much a part of this clan as any of us.” A low susurration of surprise broke out among the men as they looked around the table in shock.

“Since when?” Duncan demanded indignantly.

“It doesnae matter; I made a promise to me future bride. The alliance between our clan an’ the McCabe’s will also open the route for trades, something that ye have been crying about for a long time. So, I will thank ye nae to question how I run me clan, Duncan. The decision has already been made; all we need now is a plan to infiltrate their castle.” Cayden glared at the man who had been part of his father’s council. Their relationship had been strained from the start when Cayden had taken over as laird.

“The last time we had anything to do with the Murdochs, there was a disaster. Will ye lead us down that path again?” It was one of the younger men who stood now and fearfully glancing at Cayden, balling his ham-sized fists before placing them on the table. His sandy-blonde hair and light brown eyes matched the spray of freckles that covered his pale skin.

Cayden felt a surge of anger rise within him. He knew exactly what the man was alluding to—a past alliance between his father and the Murdochs that had ended in tragedy.

Flashes of his father’s cold eyes and his brother’s lifeless body flooded Cayden's mind. The pain was unbearable, and he felt himself losing control. Without thinking, he lunged at the councilman, his hands reaching for his throat.

But before he could do any harm, Hunter intervened, pulling Cayden away and leading him to another room as the men erupted into shouts of chaos.

Cayden’s body shook with rage as he thrashed the room, his fists pounding against the walls as he ripped the tapestry of a rooster off the wall. Exhausted, he collapsed to his knees, his body trembling with depletion and anguish. It had been a long time since he had lost control like that, and the feelings of exhaustion quickly overtook him as he shook his head.

“Ye have to confront the demons that haunt ye, Cayden. Ye cannae let the sins of yer father define yer path, nor can ye allow them to destroy yer chance at pure happiness—perhaps with Iris. Losing control like this willnae gain ye any support.” Hunter crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.

“Is that what I am doing?” Cayden whispered.

“That is what I see ye are doing,” Hunter spoke more softly now.

“An’ Iris? Why do ye mention her?” Cayden looked at his hands, unable to believe that he had lost control again. He had tried so hard to focus on keeping it all together.

“I think she can give ye the happiness that ye deserve.” His voice was strained when he replied.

“Do I deserve to be happy?” Cayden’s voice was barely audible above a whisper now.

Hunter looked hurt at that question, but he turned it away. “Well, ye have to try. Naebody else can make that decision for ye.”

“I fear the darkness within me. It feels like it keeps growing an’ growing, making me heart darker. I dinnae want to keep on hurting those I care about.” Cayden barely recognized his own voice; he hated it every time he lost control. It was almost as if the monster within him suddenly came to life despite his best efforts.

“I ken, Cayden. But holdin’ onto it will only make ye keep hurting them. This feeling is gradually consuming ye. Ye have to let it go.”

Cayden sat on the floor, drowning in his emotions. He couldn’t bear the thought of causing Iris pain or becoming a reflection of the cruelty he had witnessed in his father. The weight of his responsibilities and the burden of his past threatened to consume him. Each day, flashes of the bodies lying lifeless in their pools of blood tormented him.

“I failed to protect me own brother, an’ I killed me faither with me bare hands. I dinnae see how I can ever be happy, I dinnae deserve to be happy.” Cayden felt his anger rising again.

“I have been yer friend for many years, Cayden. Yer faither was a bad man that terrorized the lands an’ wreaked havoc on all who crossed his path. He killed Ethan an’ countless others; he deserved to die. If ye dinnae kill him, then it would have been someone else. Ye were the only one with enough courage to do what was needed.” Hunter spoke gently.

The image of his father thrusting the sword through his brother’s chest flashed before his eyes as he winced against the pain that the memory caused him. The look in his father’s eyes had spoken of a man unhinged, yet Cayden was the one who had earned the title of the ‘mad laird’.

“I fear that I am turning into a monster, Hunter. I’m too scared even to get closer to me own maither an’ sister. I fear what would happen if I ever lost control an’ lashed out at them. I’m slowly becoming a monster as me anger consumes me. If I knew how to stop it, then I would.”

“I keep reminding ye that naething that happened was yer fault. Ye were just a wee lad back then; ye could nae have stopped him even if ye wanted to. An’ what do ye think would have happened if ye dinnae stop yer faither when ye did? He could have gone on to kill yer sister an’ maither as well. Would ye have been able to live with yerself if he had?” Hunter’s question tore through his heart, bringing with it a deep ache that wouldn’t subside.

His mother and sister meant the world to him; he would have perished from a broken heart if his father had touched them.

“An’ there is one other thing,” Hunter continued. “The look on yer face when ye talk about Iris; she’s intrigued ye. That has to mean something after all yer years of seclusion. What makes her different from all the other women?”

“What are ye talking about?” Cayden felt himself frowning as a deep sigh escaped his chest.

“I think ye ken what I mean, Cayden. She seems like a good woman. One good enough for ye. I have nae met her, yet I cannae help but believe that a woman who leaves behind everything she has known for all of her life just to save her brother is something special. Do everyone a favor, will ye?” Hunter began to move toward the door.

“What is that?” Cayden asked, coming to his feet and surveying the carnage he had created in what had been a very neat room.

He would have to send one of the maids to clean up the room and set things right before his mother saw the state of it. She prided herself in keeping the castle neat and tidy.

“Dinnae let her see ye as the monster everyone thinks ye are because that isnae who ye are. Ye are a good man; the only thing standing between ye an’ yer happiness is yer inability to realize that.” Hunter left the room as Cayden was left to ponder his words.

His hands ached from smashing the walls, yet his bruised skin was of little concern to him as he wondered if anything his friend had said was true. Did he really deserve to be happy? If he did, he would not find it through a lass.

Cayden looked toward the door as footsteps hurried down the corridor. The council meeting was over, and everyone had begun to leave. He hadn’t intended for things to get out of hand. Yet now he was faced with more than just one problem.

Rescuing Ashton was hard enough, yet it was nearly impossible if his clan wasn’t on his side.