Page 29 of The Mad Highlander

29

I ris had a lump in her throat as she stood before the Laird’s bedroom door. She looked down at her cream dress and smoothed it down for the third time since she had arrived at the oak entrance. She finally mustered up the outrage to knock, doing so gently.

She was surprised when she heard his voice from inside.

“Enter!”

Iris slowly pushed open the door until she could see into the room. She got a good view of the bed but could not see the Laird. She had expected him to be sleeping before the battle tomorrow, but he was not.

“Me Laird?” Iris called into the room.

“Och, just come in, will ye? I’m over here.”

Iris walked into the room and saw Cayden sitting in a chair beside the window. She hung her head, unable to look him in the eye after shouting at him and storming off.

“I had a sneakin’ suspicion that ye would nae listen to the orders. Part of me did hope that ye would find yer way up here.”

“Ye did?” Iris looked up quickly, her mind unable to process what he had said.

“Aye, I did,” he told her. “Tomorrow, I ride into battle, and I wanted to see yer face one more time.”

Iris ran to the chair and got down on her knees beside him just as she had been at her brother’s bed. “Ye must forgive me for how I spoke to ye. I was a fool to say such things, Cayden. I didnae mean any of it.”

“Och, stand up.” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Or at least come and sit on me lap.”

Iris felt her stomach do somersaults, and she became suddenly warm even though a cool breeze came from the night outside.

“Ye are nae mad at me?”

“Mad at ye?” The Laird patted his lap. “Why would I be mad at ye?”

“Because I got so angry at ye.”

Cayden took Iris by the waist and guided her down onto his lap. “Ye were tryin’ to protect yer family, and I would have done the same thing. Come here.” He wrapped his arms around her midriff once she was sitting on his lap. “Everythin’ ye have said has been forgotten. There are much bigger things to worry about.”

He kissed the back of her neck, sending a shiver running down her spine. She laid her hands over Cayden’s. She would have to leave some time to go down into the bowels of the castle, but she needed to hold onto him for as long as possible.

“You feel tense,” Iris said.

“Don't worry about me,” Cayden said.

Iris felt her body tense, too. “But I do worry about you. How can I not worry about you? Tomorrow, you go into battle, and what if…”

“I will return.”

“I want to believe that. I need to believe it, but what if something happens? How can I be calm when you are so tense? I was wrong before. Me brother is awake, and he told me what happened to him. He is sure Tristan is partly behind it all, and that means they will march on yer castle with the Murdoch clan. How can I be calm when me cousin is comin’ to kill ye? And what about me and Ashton? Tristan won’t let us live after what he has done. Please tell me everything will be fine.”

“I already told ye that,” Cayden snapped.

He did not let her go. Iris did not want to leave his lap, but the way he had shouted at her had her mind twirling with endless horrors.

“What is really going on, Cayden?” Iris craned her neck, so she could look at him. She brought a hand to his face. “I can tell something is wrong. Ye won’t even look at me.”

Cayden did look at her, and when she saw the look in his eyes, she only worried more.

“Talk to me,” Iris begged.

Cayden held her tight with one arm and brought the other back up to rub his forehead. He looked toward the window again and shook his head. Iris could feel his deep, uneasy breathing lifting her in irregular rhythms.

“He hasnae returned yet,” Cayden admitted.

“Who?”

“Hunter. He went to ensure the others were ready to join us. If he hasnae come back yet, then it means he hasnae been able to do that. He will come back at some point before sunrise to fight with his men; I ken he will, but if he hasnae returned yet, then it cannae be guid news.”

“What does that mean?” Iris asked.

Cayden looked up at the stone ceiling and sighed. “It means that Murdoch’s men will outnumber ours. He set out to weaken us, and he has done just that. Maybe he got to the others in different ways; I dinnae ken. All I ken is that too many men will die tomorrow.”

Iris’ heart beat so rapidly that she thought she might pass out.

I cannae lose ye tomorrow or any day after that. I ken we are meant to be together.

“Dinnae think about it for now, Cayden. I came here to apologize to ye, but that’s not the only reason I came. I needed to be with ye before ye go into battle tomorrow. We have until sunrise, and I dinnae want to waste a minute.”

“Ye sound as if this will be our last chance to be together.”

Iris held her hand on his warm cheek and gazed into his blue eyes until he looked at her. “I dinnae ken what this is. I want to beg ye not to go out there tomorrow, but I ken it will do little. We havenae handfasted yet, and ye go to fight with yer men, outnumbered by the enemy. I want to remain hopeful, but it doesnae feel very hopeful anymore.” Iris started to cry. “I dinnae want ye to die, Cayden. I dinnae want to die.”

“I willnae let anyone hurt ye.” He kissed her fully on the lips.

Iris’ heart still beat furiously, but her mind was calmed for a moment. She was unable to think of anything except for the Laird. As soon as the kiss ended, everything came flooding back again.

She looked from Cayden’s lips to his eyes. “Aye, but ye cannae be sure of that, can ye? What if there are too many, and ye cannae beat them all? What happens if they storm the castle? What will happen to all of us? I cannae believe this is where we are! Me own cousin betrayed me, and an army marches on us. Even if I wanted to run, there’s nowhere I could go.”

“Maybe ye could,” Cayden claimed. “Take a horse from the stables and ride as far south as ye can. No one will come after ye.”

“No.” Iris gave a half laugh at the thought of it. “This is me home, now. How could ye even suggest that? I cannae ever go back to Castle McCabe. I dinnae want to go anywhere else. This is where I belong.”

“Where ye might die!” The Laird’s chest puffed as he spat the words, and a vein in his forehead bulged.

“Aye, where I might die. There are worse fates than death. I’d rather die in me home than run away scared with no place to go.”

“So, that’s to be me last thought on the battlefield?” Cayden snapped. “If it does come down to it, and someone gets to me, I dinnae only get the pain of dyin’ but the pain of kennin’ ye will be next.”

“And I have nay pain?” Iris shot back. “I’ve been in pain since ye left the castle to get me brother, and I was in pain when he got back, and I thought he might nae live, and now, I have to contend with the pain of losin’ ye and havin’ me cousin betray me. I grew up in Castle McCabe, but it is lost to me, now. It’s lost to Ashton, too. He doesnae deserve that.”

“Ye both dinnae deserve it.”

Iris felt her heart slow a little, and the vein in Cayden’s forehead shrunk.

“Och, I’m nae angry at ye,” Cayden said.

Iris placed her head on his chest. “I ken ye are nae, and I’m nae angry at ye. It’s just this world we live in. I grew up in Castle McCabe with a man I loved, and I thought he loved me. He’s been me brother for years, and now, I find he has betrayed me. I want to kill him.”

Iris felt Cayden’s chest rise and fall.

“Ye will have to get in line.” A growling chuckle came from Cayden’s throat. “Hunter has already laid claim to the man for what he has done to his men. He wants to be the one to stick a sword in him.”

Iris huffed. “I hope he does.”

“Ye could still leave on a horse. Ye and yer brother. I am nae a man who is easily beaten, and once Laird McCabe has been taken care of, yer brother will become Laird of Castle McCabe. I’ll make sure of it. Ye only have to ride south for a few days and then come back.”

“Then what difference does it make to stay in the castle? If ye win, we willnae need to ride off.”

“Och, I’m only tryin’ to protect ye, lass. Why won’t ye let me help ye.”

“I have too much honor.”

Cayden burst out laughing.

Iris brought her head from his chest as it rose and fell quickly and looked him in the eye again, her brows furrowing so much that they almost hurt.

“Why are ye laughin’ at me?” she demanded.

Cayden ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. “Och, I’m nae laughin’ at ye, I’m laughin’ with ye.”

“Well, ye dinnae see me laughin’, do ye?”

“Nay, that’s the truth. It was just… it wasnae funny to hear ye say that but endearin’. Och, I’m nae explainin’ it very well. Ye dinnae often hear women describe themselves as honorable, but ye certainly fit the description. Ye are an honorable woman, and hearin’ ye say it made me so happy. I’m glad to have met ye.”

“I don’t mind so much that ye laughed after hearin’ that,” Iris admitted. She placed her head back on the Laird’s chest and closed her eyes.

What will the future bring, and am I really willin’ to die here in this castle?

Tremors and shivers ran through Iris’ body as she thought about what might come to pass. Cayden wrapped his free hand around her arm and held her close, enveloping her in his warmth.

“I’ve started to think more about the future,” Iris admitted. “If we make it through this.”

“Aye?” the Laird asked.

Iris was not sure why, but she became more afraid of admitting her feelings to him than anything else that was happening. She wanted to tell him that she could picture a long, bright future with him, but a lump rose in her throat, and she became terrified to vocalize it in case it jinxed them.

“Will Ashton really become laird?” was all she could manage.

“Aye, he will. He is the next in line, and I am sure he will make a fine laird. From what I ken of him, so far, he is a tough lad, and being taken and stuffed in a dungeon will have hardened him. I will strive to make him laird if ye think he is up to it. I value yer opinion on the matter.”

“He is still young, but I am sure he will do fine. He cannae do any worse than Tristan.”

“That means ye will be able to return to the castle if ye wish.”

“Aye,” Iris replied. Her mind was filled with visions of going between the two castles once she had made a life with Cayden. She supposed her cousin was not so different from her uncle.

The apple doesnae fall far from the tree!

“That also means ye are nae bound to me,” Cayden added. “This was all part of Laird McCabe’s plan. I am loathe to admit it, but he tricked me into this. When yer brother becomes the Laird, ye will be free to return to the castle with him.”

Iris suddenly sat up on Cayden’s lap, and she could feel the fire in her eyes.

Of all the things ye have said since I got here, that has to be the stupidest, ye donner!

“Ye saved me brother from Murdoch Castle.”

“Aye, but I would have done that anyway if I had kenned what yer cousin was up to,” Cayden admitted.

“So, what are ye saying?” Iris demanded. She pulled her hands from Cayden and stood up, so she could breathe. “Ye dinnae want to handfast me?”

Cayden stood up to face her. “I’m only sayin’ that ye have options.”

Iris felt her heart almost stop at his words. She struggled to get her words out, she was so angry. “I’ve always had options,” she hissed. “After all ye have done for me, and after gettin’ to ken who ye truly are, why would I want anythin’ else other than to be yer wife? Tell me yer true feelin’s, Cayden.”

Cayden reached out, but Iris took a step back. He smiled at her, showing his pearly teeth. He stepped forward and reached out again, and this time, he was able to take hold of her upper arms.

“I only wanted ye to ken that I willnae force ye into anythin’ ye dinnae want to be forced into.”

Iris fought back the tears. “Do ye nae want me?”

Cayden shook his head in disbelief. “How can ye even ask that? I dinnae ken if there is anythin’ else in me life I have wanted more. I want to be with ye, Iris. I might be fightin’ for me life and me clan, but I’m fightin’ for ye, too. Ye can go back to yer castle if ye wish, but I would be much happier if ye stayed here with me when this is all done. How about that?”

Iris felt a tear slip down her cheek, but she didn’t wipe it away. It was not a tear of sadness.

“Aye, I can live with that,” she replied.