Page 28 of The Lovers (Echoes from the Past #1)

EIGHTEEN

London, England

Elise sat up in bed and hugged her knees.

It was still dark outside, but dawn would come soon and with it, a new day.

She’d barely slept all night, thoughts of Gavin crowding her mind.

She’d been elated and hopeful after their conversation, but once she finally got back to the house and snuck up to her room without being seen by anyone but Lucy, the doubts had set in.

A part of her had no regrets about seeing Gavin or making him a promise, but there were other factors to consider.

There were still nearly six weeks till their departure, and with James visiting her several times a week, she could still get with child.

There had to be a way to prevent that catastrophe from happening, but how?

She supposed there were ways, but she was completely ignorant of them and had no one to ask.

Decent women didn’t try to prevent pregnancy.

Conception was God’s will and a part of God’s plan.

And then there was the matter of her marriage.

She was Edward’s wife in the eyes of God and man, despite the fact that Edward wasn’t her husband in every sense of the word.

Running out would brand her an adulteress and a whore.

She would never be able to marry Gavin, and their children would be born out of wedlock, a predicament that weighed on her heavily.

They could lie to their neighbors, but they couldn’t lie to God.

How could she walk into a church with Gavin by her side, knowing all the while that she was another man’s wife ?

Had she still been a maid, an annulment might have been possible, but no physician would believe her now.

She had no proof; it had been destroyed by James on her wedding night.

And then there was her father. Elise had to admit that she felt hurt and betrayed by the father she loved, but running away would bring out Edward’s thirst for vengeance.

He’d threatened to ruin her father, and he would.

Could she put her own happiness ahead of everything she held dear, and would it be possible to be happy despite the factors working against her and Gavin?

Elise rested her chin on her knees and peered into the darkness.

The thought of remaining in her present situation for years to come felt like a sentence worse than death.

There wasn’t a glimmer of hope if she stayed.

Her only escape would be widowhood, and although she despised Edward for his duplicity, she’d never wish him dead.

So, she was back where she began: lonely, desperately unhappy, and utterly trapped.

She wished she had someone to talk to, someone she could trust, but there was no one.

Except Lucy. Lucy was a chatty girl who’d lived in and around Blackfriars her whole life.

Perhaps she can be of assistance without realizing it , Elise thought.

She had to deal with one problem at a time, and for the moment, her biggest concern was possible pregnancy.

Elise got out of bed, poked up the fire, and threw open the curtains.

A rosy light was spreading along the horizon, the tree line black against the lightening sky.

It was a new day and a new beginning, and she’d be damned if she allowed her circumstances to break her spirit.

She was stronger than that, and she would find a way out of her predicament.

Elise was already sitting at her dressing table when Lucy came in, bringing a pitcher of hot water for washing .

“Well, good morning, me lady,” Lucy greeted her cheerfully. “Ye’re up afore me again. Ye put me to shame.” She pouted.

“I’ve always been an early riser. You get up early enough, and you need your rest.”

Elise washed while Lucy put a few more logs on the fire and lit a brace of candles with a taper since the room was still in darkness.

“Shall ye wear your blue gown today?” Lucy asked as she opened the trunk. “It does go well with yer coloring.” She sighed wistfully. “Yer hair is like liquid copper, it is.”

“Yes, the blue gown. It looks like a beautiful day. Perhaps we can go out for a walk along the river today, Lucy.”

“Aye, me lady. A walk would be most welcome.”

“Lucy, I wonder if you might know of an apothecary nearby,” Elise asked innocently as she sat down in front of the dressing table, ready for her hair to be dressed.

“Are ye ill, me lady?”

“No, but I thought perhaps I can ask about a remedy for Lady Matilda. She has such a terrible, wheezing cough.”

“But Lord Asher had the physician in only yesterday. He gave her a tonic for her cough and advised a cupful of cow’s blood mixed with milk twice a day to build up her strength.”

“I see,” Elise replied, thwarted. “I pray she feels better.”

Lucy kept silent, which made Elise smile. Lady Matilda scolded and belittled the servants, and Lucy was always a ready target, being young and pretty. Her good nature particularly irritated the old woman, who tried to browbeat her into silent submission .

“I suppose there’s an apothecary at St. Bartholomew’s Hospital.

The monks are very knowledgeable about herbs and such,” Lucy said as she twisted Elise’s hair into a knot at the nape of her neck.

“Of course, his lordship had invited the court physician to attend on his mother. No monks for her ladyship,” Lucy added bitterly.

Elise considered this information. St. Bartholomew’s was out of the question.

The monks were renowned for their healing and kindness to those less fortunate, but they couldn’t help her with her problem.

Perhaps what she needed was a midwife. But how could she go about finding one?

A physician would be summoned if she were with child, but by that time, it would be too late.

Elise allowed Lucy to dress her and went down to break her fast. Perhaps a solution would present itself.

She just had to be patient. Elise was surprised to find her husband seated at the table with a plate of food in front of him.

He rarely rose before noon, and this morning he looked pale and out of sorts.

“Ah, here comes my lady,” he intoned sarcastically. “You are looking radiant, my dear. Dare I hope?”

“I’m sorry to dash your hopes, sir,” Elise mumbled.

“Are you indeed? You are proving to be a great disappointment to me, Elise. We’ve been married for nearly two months, and still you fail to get with child,” he hissed, his eyes suddenly angry.

“I’m sorry, my lord,” Elise replied. “It isn’t for lack of trying. You apply yourself most diligently to begetting an heir.”

She knew she shouldn’t have said that, but a hot fury rose up within her. How could he blame her for not being pregnant, especially when his bastard rode her every other day as if she were a broodmare ?

“Perhaps you’re barren,” Edward spat out, rising from the table with such anger that his chair clattered to the floor. “I shall summon the physician to have you examined. I assumed when I married you that you would prove as fertile as your mother, but perhaps my assumption was incorrect.”

With that, he strode from the room, leaving his food untouched.

Elise sank into a chair, but her appetite had deserted her.

What would he do to her if the physician found her incapable of bearing children?

Perhaps he’d seek an annulment himself, but was it possible to get one on the basis of infertility?

If that were the case, half the royal marriages would get annulled.

And what would that mean for her and her family?

Of course, Edward’s displeasure with her would be a moot point if she ran off with Gavin.

Elise sighed, reached for a jug of ale, and took a sip of the cool, sour liquid.

She couldn’t go on like this. She needed to make a decision.

She was going round in circles, but there were only two possible solutions.

She could please her family and Edward by remaining exactly where she was and producing a male heir, or she could follow her own desires and leave with Gavin.

Each choice came with its own set of consequences, but she had to decide if duty was more important than hope.

Elise sat there until she heard the wheels of Edward’s carriage rattling past the window, then pushed her chair away from the table, having decided to forgo breakfast. Instead, she went back to her chamber, where Lucy was busy making the bed.

“Lucy, leave off,” Elise said softly. “I feel unwell. I think I might lie down for a spell.”

“Is there anything I can get ye, me lady?”

“No. I just need to sleep. Please, make sure I’m not disturbed. Perhaps you can use the time to wash some of my undergarments,” Elise suggested slyly .

“Aye, of course, me lady.”

Lucy quickly collected Elise’s chemise, several pairs of stockings, and a shift, and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

Elise stretched out on the bed and waited.

The garments didn’t really require washing just yet, but Lucy was an inquisitive girl and it was best to have her out of the way for a little while.

Once Elise was sure that Lucy wasn’t coming back, she put on her drabbest gown, pulled on a linen coif to hide her elaborate hairstyle, and put on an old, worn pair of boots that she’d meant to throw out.

She peeked into the corridor to make sure that all was quiet before skipping down the stairs and slipping from the house unseen.