“W ho is that?” one lady exclaimed, her lavender feathers bobbing above her elaborate, diamond-strewn coiffure.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before,” a gentleman said, fiddling with his emerald stick pin positioned in the middle of his cravat as he turned out a breeches-covered leg. His black dancing shoe gleamed from his footman’s excellent polish.
“A gem, but who?” another gentleman queried as he lifted his bejeweled quizzing glass to his eye.
The whispers tittered throughout the crush inside the grand ballroom at Heron House as Maximus led Peggy onto the well-waxed dance floor.
She was bewildered at being the center of so much attention. After all, she’d deliberately tried to avoid being noticed by the ton!
Now, in her new gown, which the dowager duchess had insisted be made for her, she sailed with false bravado amidst the most important and wealthiest people in the world.
Her pale pink gown, embroidered with roses, was the most beautiful thing she’d ever worn. She felt like royalty in it, even if she was as far from royalty as one could get.
Her gloves were white as snow, and her hair had been placed in elaborate coils atop her head, with roses tucked in at various points.
Maximus beamed down at her, looking as if she was the center of his world.
“What are you doing?” she asked under her breath as Maximus took up her gloved hand and placed his other just below her shoulder blade at her back.
“I’m dancing with you,” he said simply.
“Thank you for stating the extremely obvious,” she drawled, even as her insides raced at his touch. There was something so powerful about being in in his arms, as if her body knew it was where she belonged. But that was just an illusion! “Since you don’t understand me, I shall try again. What are you up to?” she hissed.
“A waltz, I think,” he said, deliberately obtuse.
She gave him a look—the sort of look that only he could understand.
“Alright. I want everyone to admire you. As I do.”
The words slipped through her and warmed her in the most shocking of ways.
He admired her? Truly? And he wished everyone to know?
This night, he had not left her side. He had followed her about like a puppy or, one might argue, as Mercutio did with Angelica. The two horses were inseparable, and tonight it seemed that Peggy and Maximus were too.
But this togetherness had massive ramifications.
She had not thought that Maximus meant to make such a grand display of their relationship, whatever their relationship happened to be, because, quite frankly, she wasn’t certain what it was. She thought she was going to be in the background of his existence, assisting him, helping him, bringing him to life, as he said. But she had never thought she would be so on display, that he would show the world and the ton that she was part of his life.
Yes, what he was doing with her was completely unexpected. This was not the sort of experience that she was prepared for.
Though a part of her loved it, another was…frightened. She had spent most of her life in the shadows.
“You never told me you were going to do this.”
“If I had, you would have run.” He winked. “And you’re very good at running.”
“You always catch me,” she pointed out.
“I fear that one day I shan’t.”
“Have you foreseen it in a dream then? An omen?” she queried, unable to resist teasing him.
“You would be surprised what fills my dreams,” he replied, a low rumble of a sound as his hand pressed warmly into her back, a promise of the sort of touch he loved to give her when they were alone.
Her cheeks heated as she felt her body awaken, hungry as it always was now for his touch. She had a very good idea about what might be in his dreams about her, because she had them too.
The music began and the crowd watched.
“Now,” she said, “you must cease.”
His gaze darkened with desire. “Cease what?”
“Paying me so much attention,” she whispered as she glanced about. “You could have any of the ladies in this room.”
“Yes, I could,” he said.
A laugh burst past her lips, a bright sound that filled the space and only caused people to stare at them further.
“I’m glad you know your worth,” she exclaimed.
“I do and so should you, which is why I’m following you around like a lap dog.”
“You’re not a lap dog. You are more like a Great Dane,” she said. “Large, capable, but prefers to be stoic.”
“Thank you.” He inclined his head. “I’m glad you can see that, though that wasn’t always exactly how I was. I caused a lot of trouble in the past.”
“And you don’t plan on doing that in the future?”
“Oh, I do,” he said as he leaned down ever so slightly and murmured, “but only with you.”
Oh! Why did he have to be so charming and kind? “Don’t forget, I’m leaving, Maximus.”
A muscle tightened in his jaw. “That’s what you say, but perhaps—”
“I have a plan,” she said firmly as he turned them about the room.
“Plans change,” he said.
“That is the very nature of life. But I shall not change mine.”
“You cannot control as much as you think, Peggy. Do you think I could control what happened to me?”
“I don’t know,” she said simply, wishing they didn’t have to discuss the future or the past at all. “Has your life changed so drastically?” she said. “You are the son of an earl. You dance in ballrooms. You have great wealth. Anything you desire is yours.”
“Except you, it seems, since you are so determined to escape me.”
“I—”
“It’s true. I have lived a charmed life, except for this,” he growled softly, as he indicated his eye patch with a tilt of his head.
“It must be very difficult,” she said, not wishing to discount what had happened to him, though she had grown up around people who had lost limbs working in the worst conditions in the East End.
Still, he had faced war. He was intimately acquainted with hell, and she would never be so foolish as to deny that.
“You’re the only person who makes me feel at peace,” he bit out.
“What?” she gasped.
“I could have any of the ladies in the room,” he said, a muscle in his jaw tensing. “You’re right. But I can’t explain it. You are the only person who makes me feel at ease, who makes me feel like I’m living and not surviving, not on edge. Do you understand? When I was a boy, I loved company. I loved every bit of it. I reveled in it, but after coming home from that battle, everything has changed. My head rings; my head hurts. Sometimes I turn and am startled because something is there that I did not expect. But you? You make it all different. Somehow, when I’m with you, the world slows down and everything stops. Instead of fearing everything or thinking about people and what they might think of my eye, or what’s going on inside me, I feel still and at peace and completely present. Do you understand?”
She licked her lips, nearly swept up in the power of his confession. “That’s only because of the exciting nature in which we met.”
“That’s a lie,” he said, “and you know it.”
She swallowed. She didn’t want to argue with him. She didn’t want to try to convince him of the truth that all of this was based on an exciting adventure in which she’d stolen a clock and he’d found her.
In a few months’ time, he would not even consider her. He would have moved on to the next lady.
The waltz swept them about the ballroom. People kept staring. He wove in and out of other couples. Maximus was an excellent dancer, but she realized he could not see all of the couples in the room because of his eye patch. And just as he was about to sweep them to the left, he took one single step back, and she saw the couple coming towards them.
They were going to collide and likely crash to the floor, and he would never forgive himself.
She knew making such a faux pax before such a large crowd would crush him, but letting her fall would break him, and so, without giving it a second thought, she saved him. She grabbed hold of his arm, pivoted hard, and turned them in an arc.
His eye flared, his brows crunching together, and his eye patch strained. Maximus’s lips parted as he realized what he had just avoided. With her help. And then he turned her under his arm, her skirts swishing out in grand fashion to make it look as if nothing untoward had happened at all.
Her heart slammed hard against her ribs. This was his life now. He was off-foot. He was unsure. Her great, beautiful, powerful Maximus, who had at one time ruled everything about him, was relearning his life, and she was his guide.
She swallowed. It was a great honor. He trusted her…
“Thank you,” he mouthed.
She smiled up at him. “Oh, I just did a little bit of what we do best.”
“And what’s that?” he said.
“Adapting to life as it comes. That’s our specialty, isn’t it?”
“Exactly,” he said, his smile growing, even as she could see that the moment had affected him. “I’m glad you know it.”
He swayed her back and forth slowly, and they danced without another word. Then the music came to a halt. She started to turn, ready to walk off the floor, but he held her hand.
“What are you doing?” she said, gazing at where their fingers were linked.
He held onto her tightly, then said boldly, “I’m showing everyone how important you are to me.”
She sucked in a breath, unable to tear her gaze from his as his words penetrated her reverie. “No, Maximus, you mustn’t.”
But before she could escape, the music started again. Another waltz. He swept her in his arms, and before she could protest, he was turning her about the floor again with grander steps, despite their near miss. He held her closer, sweeping her about as everyone watched.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, unable to understand why he would make her the focus of these people.
He gazed down at her and said, his voice low and full of passion, “Because I want you to know that I have no intention of letting you go.”
She swallowed. “You say that, but—”
“I mean it,” he cut in.
“Oh, Maximus,” she rasped. “I would believe you except you are in such a terribly vulnerable position. I am merely a—”
“Don’t,” he said.
“What?” she queried.
“I am not a child to be soothed,” he ground out. “That’s not what you’re for.”
He cut across the floor, dancing with the sort of mastery that few men knew. And this time, he didn’t let his eye patch inhibit him. He seemed to move with pure instinct, moving through the space with her in his arms. “I know my own mind,” he continued. “As you know yours. Do not be a victim of what happened to your mother and grandmother. A new life awaits you—”
“But I am a victim of what happened to my grandmother and my mother,” she countered harshly, her whole body rioting at his words. He was so dear, so good, and yet he could never understand! “My whole life was a circumstance of my grandmother and mother, Maximus. The way we met is because of what happened to my grandmother and my mother. We never would have encountered each other if I had not been a victim of their experiences.”
“I don’t believe that, actually,” he countered swiftly. “You and I have been careening towards each other all our lives. I’m certain of it.”
She gaped at him, shocked that he believed something so romantic, for she didn’t have a romantic bone in her body. It was a luxury she could not afford. “Oh, the legend, is it?”
“What?” he breathed.
“The legend,” she repeated without humor. “Cymbeline and your cousins told me about it this afternoon.” And then she winced. “You can’t possibly think it’s me.”
“What do you mean?” he said softly.
“The one. Maximus, don’t be absurd,” she said flatly, wishing she could sink into the floor. “Your parents would never accept me as your wife. I could never be a countess, Maximus. I’m a thief from the East End.”
“Nobody knows that,” he said.
She let out a dry laugh, this one very different than her laugh just a few moments ago. “Lies always come out.”
“But it’s not a lie,” he protested. “We just don’t mention it. You’ve never been caught before. I’m the only one who knows you actually took anything. Other than that, you’re just the granddaughter of an actress.”
“And my mother was in the workhouse multiple times. Both of them were mistresses.”
“Your father was a lord,” he continued, determined not to be swayed. “Wasn’t he?”
She winced. “Yes, but I’m…a bastard. Oh, Maximus.”
What was he doing? What was he playing at? He didn’t truly wish to keep her. He was being emotional, likely due to his experience in war. Likely because he trusted her to help him come alive again. And it had worked. And he feared losing that.
He would be fine without her. He’d realize that soon.
Peggy bit down on her lower lip. This was not a conversation to hold on a waxed ballroom floor, while the wealthiest people in England watched. But he seemed determined to do it as if he wished to bring this to a head.
“The only way I can convince you that you are the one for me and that I’m never going to let you go, that I’m never going to leave you, is by doing this,” he said as the music came to a stop.
Do what? she wondered.
“Maximus,” she began, “I understand, or at least I think I do, that you are lost right now, and you see in me some way to bring yourself out of that.”
“No,” he said. “That’s not it.”
And the music started again, and he began to sway them back and forth.
This. This was what he meant.
“Please don’t,” she hissed. “You can’t.”
“A third dance. In a row. And everyone will know you are mine,” he said softly, his voice a low rumble as he tilted his head down towards hers, as if he was considering stealing her lips as he was stealing this dance.
She wanted to break her hands from his, but she couldn’t. No, if she did, it would cause an even larger scene, and she could not do that to the dowager duchess, or to him, or to Cymbeline. Or to any of the Briarwoods who had treated her so well.
She could not cause this family pain and scandal. They had been so kind to her.
But why? Why was he making this grand gesture for all to see, when it would surely prove hollow? He could never marry her. Could he? It was a dangerous fantasy to entertain.
But then she thought for a single moment—what if she said yes? What if she gave in to him, however he wanted her? She swallowed. What if dreams were true? What if the stars fell from the sky? What if love really existed?
No. She would not play that game. It was the sure way to her own ruin. She could not dare risk falling in love with him. She could not dare to chance that he might truly pick her. The risk was too great.
She danced with him silently, quietly, trying to imagine herself far away. Boston, perhaps.
“Stop,” he growled.
“What?” she asked flatly.
“I can see on your face what you’re doing.”
“What?” she demanded.
“You’re running away.”
“I am not,” she retorted. “I am dancing with you.”
“I can see it on your face,” he rumbled again, holding her tightly, as if that could somehow bring her back to him. “You are retreating. You’re the one who’s leaving,” he bit out. “Do you understand? Not me. You. You’re so bloody brave. Be brave enough to choose us. To choose me.”
But how did she make him understand? She’d been born to poverty, to a life in which she’d had to scrabble hard to get free of. She’d been born to run, not to stay. And she’d most certainly been born to not give her heart.
“Please. Please, let me go,” she whispered.
And then he did, just as the music faded, the room erupted in gossip as fans beat back and forth, and gentleman tugged at their embroidered waistcoats.
Slowly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Maximus led her off the floor and out into the hall. Wordlessly, he took her into a side room.
He stopped in the center of it and was silent for several moments before he drew in a ragged breath. He looked down at her, his eye patch ominous, yet it made him seem so vulnerable, despite his Herculean frame.
“You might think that I’m going to just let you go,” he said. “But I understand people have been letting your family go all your life, and even before you were born. So, I’m a gentleman who usually listens to the wishes of ladies, but this time I’m not going to. You keep trying to push me away. Fine. I understand. But I won’t just slink off, Peggy. I’ll fight for you.”
Fight for her? No one, except her mother and grandmother, had ever fought for her. Her heart skipped at those words, but she shook her head, stepping back.
He kept hold of her hand.
“I can’t stop you from doing whatever you wish,” he rumbled. “But I need you to understand… I love you. I love the way you tried to steal that clock. I loved that you beat your fists against my back and showed me how tough you are. I love that you did not go easy on me with Mulvaney. I love the way you surrendered to Angelica and let her guide you. And I love the way you found me when I was in pain and soothed my soul as much as my hurt. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way you see the world. I love how you fit into this family. I love how you’re waking the family up again. The family was going to sleep. Do you understand?”
She sucked in a breath. “What do you mean?”
“My grandmother was the one who woke this family up again. The woman who founded it was a mistress too, Peggy. They were both unlike anybody else. We’ve been a family of irregular and strange people, but we’re part of the ton. Most of us are born into it, and we need people like you. Without women like my grandmother, and you, and the one who started all of this, we forget what’s important, you see? Do you understand? You’re not just waking me up. You’re keeping the whole family awake. Stay. Stay with us always. And keep us all awake to the way the world truly is. We need you. Stay—”
Tears slipped down her face, and her mother’s face came to her. And she remembered. She remembered sitting in the window, freezing in the dark, waiting for her mother to come home. She’d been alone. She was always alone. It was how she would always be. Because being alone was safe.
“I’m so sorry, Maximus. I… I can’t.”
He stared at her for a long moment, nodded, then slipped away.
But this time, she knew he was right. He wasn’t leaving her. She was leaving him. And it was tearing her apart.