M aximus’s world was so perfect and so beautiful that she knew it could never be hers. She needn’t let her mother fear anything. She would never let herself be seduced by this place. It was almost painful how beautiful it was, and it would never, ever be hers.
She understood that in her core. She didn’t belong here. Hartigan Mulvaney had helped her see that right away. She belonged in his world, not this one. And no matter how she tried—if she did ever try, if she was ever asked—she simply would not belong.
She would be a piece that had to be crammed in, and the edges would never quite be right.
Still, now, she had a job to do. She had to help Maximus feel alive again, and she was fairly certain it was working. The days were passing quickly, so very quickly.
Sometimes, he was away early in the morning, and she would not see him for hours. She shouldn’t care. She didn’t care about him. He was a means to an end, a way to get to America and her new life, and yet she found herself creeping down the stairs as the soft blue light of dawn spilled in through the hall.
What the devil was he up to so early in the morning? Did he swim? Did he go for long walks?
As if he knew she’d been following him, he stood at the bottom of the stairs, turned, and looked up at her. “You miss me so much?”
She snorted. “You’re supposed to show me about your life, but you keep disappearing. Is there some terrible secret out in the wood? Do tell. There’s a monster there.”
He laughed. “The only monsters here are the monsters within us.”
“Do you have a monster within you?” she asked.
“Of course. And you certainly do.”
She gasped. “What a thing to say.”
“It’s true.”
“Yes,” she said, frowning as she considered his words. “I suppose it is.”
Her mother had one, and her grandmother too. But for the first time in years, Peggy’s grandmother seemed to be thriving. Her grandmother had not resisted this at all. She’d thrown herself into it. As a matter of fact, she would not be surprised if her grandmother was not out currently, sitting upon the lawn, basking in the view of the gardens, drinking tea, and being happy.
It was as if her grandmother had known her entire life that one day this moment would come, though it might not last.
Peggy cleared her throat. “If you wish to be left alone, of course I shall do so, but you did request me to stay with you so that…”
“Come along then. There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said, smiling at her to relieve her fears.
She was grateful for the way he so often did that.
“Truly?”
“Truly.”
He held out his hand to her, and she slipped her fingers into his. She really shouldn’t admit how much she liked holding his hand, but she did. It was such a far cry from when she’d first had to hold his hand, lest she run off. Now, she enjoyed the feel of his strong, warm fingers wrapped about her own.
He guided her out of the house, through the gardens, down a long path, and then, much to her astonishment, to the stables.
“Oh,” she burst out, “you ride every morning. A very normal habit for a gentleman, I suppose.”
“Yes, but this is a little bit different.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to see a friend.”
“A friend?” she queried. “How wonderful. Are you friends with one of the stable boys?”
“Well, I like the stable boys a great deal, but that’s not who we’re going to see.”
They entered the stable, and the smells of hay and horses surrounded her. She found herself liking it immensely. She didn’t think she would. She had gotten rather used to the scents of the East End, but this was different.
This was almost country living. Heron House was outside the city and felt as if it was in an entirely different world than London. The beautiful estate was the best of all worlds. In all her life, she’d never spent so much time amongst green space. And she could feel the effect it was slowly having upon her person. She was more relaxed. She felt freer. She felt lighter.
The air was so completely foreign to her. She feared she might start coughing at all this freshness, but she did not.
The sounds of horses banging their hooves against stable doors surprised her.
Were they dangerous? They were large beasts.
Of course, she saw them all the time in the streets of London, but she did not interact with them.
“Are you afraid?” Maximus asked suddenly, his brow arching above his eye patch.
“Perhaps a little bit,” she confessed as her heart began to race. She drew in a long breath, determined to steady herself. Letting fear control one was exceptionally dangerous. Fear made people make mistakes.
“I don’t have much experience with them this close. I certainly don’t have the money to ride hackneys, since I’m trying to save. Occasionally, of course, I’ll take a sedan chair to a party so that I look as if I belong, but horses? Horses cost a great deal of money,” she said. “Most of us cannot even contemplate such a creature.”
He looked at her and his other brow rose. His face changed from skepticism to astonishment. “Bloody hell. I suppose that’s true. I never even thought about it. I’ve simply grown up with them. I was two the first time I sat a horse with a groomsman assisting me.”
She laughed. He did not even know how wealthy he was compared to the people in her life. “Indeed, my lord. Having horses and coaches are a sign of infinite wealth. Us rabble can never dream of having such a thing. We might as well dream of flying to the moon. I cannot even conceive of the cost to keep a team of coach horses.”
“This fellow is not a coaching horse,” he said, stopping before a particular stable door. Immediately, a horse popped its head out through the opening.
“Good morning, Mercutio,” he said softly. “And how was your night? Did you have a fine sleep?”
As if the horse understood him, he bobbed his head, tossing his mane. His lips wobbled in a sort of endearing way.
“What is he doing?” she asked.
“He’s pleased to see me.”
Mercutio gave her a look. His large, strangely knowing eyes stared at her. He blinked, causing his long lashes to dance slightly and his lips quivered. She eyed him back, warily.
He was so powerful, rather like his master. Only much, much larger.
“He’s curious about you,” Maximus said soothingly, perhaps for herself and his horse as he reached out and gently stroked the animal’s neck. “You’re with me, so don’t worry. He won’t harm you. Still, I don’t advise other people to be near him alone. The only stable boy he trusts is Henry. And I wouldn’t suggest you go up to him alone, at least not until he’s used to you.”
“I won’t,” she assured quite quickly, trying to take it all in stride, but the horse was massive, and it was hard not to envision being stampeded. “I have no intention of going up to this large beast alone. Large beasts are best avoided.” She paused as a thought hit her and she quirked a smile. “Though you’re a large beast, and I like you.”
The horse bobbed his head and whinnied as if affirming her commentary.
She laughed, delighted at Mercutio’s almost magical response.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Maximus said before he grew serious. “And you don’t find me to be a danger, do you?”
She bit her lower lip. “I know you could be, but you have no wish to be,” she said. “At least not now.”
Then she spotted the way the horse stood ever so slightly off. “Is he unwell?”
“No,” he whispered and a muscle tightened in his jaw.
Sensing his master’s mood shift, the stallion stretched out his neck and blew breath through his nostrils towards Maximus’s thick hair, as if comforting him.
Maximus cleared his throat. “He’s perfectly fine, but this fellow here and I have something in common. We were both wounded, you see, in war. I thought I was going to lose him, but he lived, and he and I have made it through many a dark day together.”
He leaned forward and, in a heartwarming act of gentleness, man and beast pressed their faces together.
She was astonished to see the love there. It was the only word for it. It was clear that Maximus loved the animal.
“You saved him,” she breathed.
“I suppose you could say that.” His forehead was still pressed to the horse, whose eyes were soft at present.
“No. There’s no suppose ,” she insisted. “I know enough about horses that are sometimes wounded in the street. They all go to the knacker’s yard. He was wounded, and you chose to save him.”
Maximus lifted his head, turned to her, and said with a matter-of-factness that stole her breath, “He’s my friend, and a good one. He’s served me loyally. I could never discard him.”
“Then you’re different than most,” she returned softly.
“Do you have experience with people who discard others?”
“I’ve never allowed it to happen to me,” she said, “and I never will.”
“Good for you,” he said, “but that sounds terribly lonely.”
“It’s good to be alone,” she said, unwilling to bare her soul to him as she knew he hoped she might.
“You like being with me,” he said.
“It’s different,” she countered.
“How?” he asked.
“You know.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, you do,” she affirmed, not giving an inch. “Now, are you going to go out for a ride with him?”
His smile turned mischievous. “I am, and you’re going to come.”
“What?” she exclaimed, swinging her eyes to the massive horse before shaking her head.
“Let me explain,” he said. “Do you see Angelica?”
At the name, another horse popped her head out of the door next to Mercutio’s. She was a white horse with a long, soft mane.
“This is Mercutio’s dearest friend, not me. Cheeky bugger,” he said.
“The horse?”
Maximus nodded and reached out to stroke Angelica’s soft muzzle. “When we first came back, I spent as much time as I could with Mercutio. He was quite traumatized from that day, but I couldn’t spend every waking hour here with him. And so we introduced him to Angelica. She is the sweetest, loveliest horse, and before long, they became the best of friends. He will go nowhere without her. So even when I ride him, she comes along.”
“Who rides her?”
“Usually, no one, but Angelica is a wonderful ride. It’ll be a very good introduction for you.”
“I don’t have any wish to ride,” she said swiftly.
“I thought you wished to be a part of my world.”
“This part, I will give a miss.”
“This part, you will not,” he said cheerfully. “You dared to follow me this morning. Are you still afraid?”
She narrowed her gaze. “Yes,” she said.
“But that never stops you, does it?”
“No,” she admitted, doing her best not to let out a resigned sigh. “All right. I’ll do it.”
“Good,” he said softly.
Within a few moments, the horses had been saddled. Maximus swung Peggy up onto Angelica. “Now,” he said, “never you fear. She’ll take good care of you.”
“It’s a sidesaddle,” she gritted.
Maximus handed her the reins and gave her an assuring smile. “Hold them lightly. I promise Angelica won’t let anything happen to you. She knows what to do.”
“I’m glad you have such faith in the horse.”
“I do, and you should too.”
“It’s hard for me to have faith in anything but myself,” she blurted before she could stop herself. And once the words were out, she was stunned that she had spoken them.
It was one of the truest, most personal things she had ever said to another person.
And she’d said it to him.
“I understand that,” he said, “but listen to me.” He placed his hand gently on her leg. “That life is over now. The moment you came to Heron House, that life died, and a new one began.”
She swallowed.
He said it with such utter conviction.
“I know I’m supposed to believe you. I know that you want me to, but it is not easy. I—” She looked away, blinking back the tears that sprung to her eyes.
“It’s all right,” he said. “You don’t have to explain it, and I don’t have to understand today.”
He swung up onto his own horse, and the two of them rode out.
“It is the strangest sensation,” she exclaimed. “I feel as if I’m going to roll right off of her.”
“She won’t let you,” he replied. “If you start to slide off, Angelica will stop. Give it a try.”
And she did. She shifted her weigh to the side and Angelica stopped, patiently waiting for Peggy to adjust her seat. “How wonderful of her,” she said, feeling quite an affinity for the horse.
“Come on then,” Maximus encouraged. He began to pick up his pace.
“Why are you going so quickly?” she demanded, though given the way Angelica moved, she was no longer afraid.
“Because it’s fun,” he said, “and Mercutio needs it. He will be desperately unhappy if I don’t let him have a bit of a run.”
Angelica picked up her pace. “I don’t feel in control,” she admitted.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” he said, looking back, waggling his brows at her. With his eye patch, he looked positively roguish. Devil take it, he was irresistible, really, as he sat atop his great black stallion, his linen shirt open at the neck, billowing about his hard upper body.
“I suppose it is,” she confessed to her own amazement. “I’ve never trusted so much. It’s not scary. It’s thrilling”
He beamed at her. “Exactly. It’s like…”
“Heaven,” she suddenly gushed, and she realized that Angelica was indeed taking care of everything. All she had to do was hold on.
“Thank, you, Angelica,” she said, and the horse nickered as if she understood.
“They’re very clever, aren’t they?” she marveled.
“They are the cleverest animals,” he agreed. “In many ways, I think far cleverer than humans. Now, follow me.”
She held on, though not with the death grip she’d planned on originally. With each beat of Angelica’s hooves, she was astonished to find that she felt happier and happier, freer and freer.
Both of the horses seemed joyous too, and that feeling only increased as they made their way across the fields.
As she relaxed, Angelica seemed to respond and then picked up her pace.
They headed across field after field, until they came to a secluded meadow covered with flowers. Without being told, Angelica followed Mercutio’s lead and stopped when he did.
Maximus jumped down. “You look quite alive,” he said.
“I feel alive.” Most of the things that made her feel alive these days were things that pushed her to the edge of fear, like heading into a stranger’s beautiful house when she should not be there, with the purpose of nicking things. This was far better.
“That was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced,” she breathed. “Thank you for making me do it.”
He shook his head, then slipped his hands to her waist, his big hands encompassing her. “I didn’t make you do anything. You could have walked away. You made yourself do it.”
She grinned. “I like your logic, but it’s also infuriating.”
He helped her slide down, slowly.
When her booted feet touched the meadow grass, she turned to the horse and said, quite sincerely, “Thank you, Angelica.”
Then, much to her pleased shock, the horse turned her head to her and gently rubbed her nose along Peggy’s forehead.
She sucked in a soft gasp.
It was the strangest feeling.
Angelica then turned to Mercutio, and the two of them wandered a little off and began to munch at the wildflowers and grass.
Suddenly, with Maximus’s hands at her waist, her skirts brushing his boots, it was as if all her fears and her wild thoughts disappeared, and it was just the two of them.
Here, in the meadow with Maximus, she felt safe, completely and utterly safe.
She’d never felt that way, not once in her whole life, and she had no idea what to do.