Page 12 of The Locksmith’s Promise (The Promise Duet #1)

The Least of It

B axter

Six o’clock the next morning, I hit the trails. The chilly morning air worked its magic to clear my head and cut a path through the brush clogging my way forward.

I couldn’t relive the past ten years, but I could make amends for my absence and reclaim a measure of joy for me and my boy and the time we lost.

I couldn’t turn back the clock, but I could be present now and prepare for his future. I could have kicked myself for the money I wasted over the years, money I could have set aside for Corwin’s education.

Or his baby formula and fucking diapers.

By the time I made it back to Miller’s, a fine sheen of sweat and an iron-clad resolve coated me from head to foot.

Wrapped in morning chaos, Miller and Maxine gulped back their coffee and chased Mikey and his little brothers around to get them out the door in time for school.

I wanted that, that whole scene, for me and Maggie and Corwin.

Maxine spared me a sunny smile and a wave as she darted out the door with the boys.

Miller stopped and clapped a massive hand down on my shoulder. “All right?”

My eyes met his fleetingly before skipping away. I wasn’t embarrassed, I was grateful.

And it wasn’t a feeling to which I was accustomed.

“Thank you.”

He scoffed. “No thanks necessary.”

“I’ll be out of your hair soon. Work is picking up and I, uh, got a line on a rental.”

He shook his head and grinned. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I’ve lived so long without you, I don’t mind you kicking about.”

I smirked. “Yeah, well, I’m getting sick of plugging my ears every night. I don’t know how those boys of yours sleeps through the noise.”

Puffing up like a burly, overgrown, plaid-covered peacock, he preened, “You’re not doing it right if she still sounds human by the time you’re done with her.”

Shaking my head, I laughed. “Good for you, man.”

He wagged his eyebrows. “Good for her, too.”

Over the next few days, I signed the lease for my new place a mere three doors down from Maggie and Corwin, answered a few more inquiries for jobs, and spent some much-needed time with Eric and John.

And every day after school, I visited Maggie and Corwin.

Saturday morning, I headed to the city with Corwin and Maggie’s blessing.

Shooting down the highway with my boy beside me for the first time gave me a high like nothing before.

We stopped for lunch, then ran to the bank followed by a brief stop at a furniture store where I bought a bedframe and a vacuum-packed foam mattress.

Then we headed to Strings, my favourite music store.

Guitars of all kinds lined two entire walls with amps set out at regular intervals for test drives. A glossy baby grand piano took center stage and did double duty as the dividing line between the guitars and every other instrument in the store.

Corwin’s eyes blew as wide as saucers as he looked around, moving closer to me when the salesman approached us.

That small show of confidence made me a giant among men. I’d do anything to earn that trust.

Anything to keep it.

Carefully, I rested my palm on his shoulder. Feeling him relax under my hand? Turned me into a fucking king.

I tipped my chin up and asserted, “We’d like to look at some guitars. Both electric and acoustic, please.”

To Corwin’s shock and delight, after two and a half hours, we left with one of each.

“I can’t believe you bought both of them,” he murmured, hugging the case holding the acoustic to his chest as we walked through the parking lot to my truck.

“You wanted the electric guitar, but you should have the acoustic as well.” I smiled down at him. “It’ll save your mom’s ears. And her sanity.”

He grinned. “I can’t wait to play.”

“I’ll teach you, if you want,” I offered as we loaded everything into the truck. My heart beat ridiculously hard in my chest.

What if he said no?

Was I pushing too hard?

“I can get you online lessons if you prefer,” I added hastily.

His big eyes flicked up to mine, freckles standing out as his face pinked. “I want you to teach me.”

I worked to quell my wide smile as we headed to the shopping mall. “Well, all right, then. I guess I better buy some chairs.”

He laughed, the sound hitting my chest and filling it with effervescent bubbles that rose to pop behind the back of my eyes.

I swallowed tightly and forced out a chuckle. “Your laugh sounds just like my mom’s.”

“Mom told me she’s not here anymore.”

I shook my head. “She’s here. She’s here in your laugh. She’s in me and she’s in you, too.”

“Wow,” he whispered. “I know you’re my dad, but I didn’t think about what that means.”

“What does it mean?”

“You’re part of me, same as Mom. And I’m part of you.”

The idea my father had any part of Cor turned my stomach.

“You’re the best parts of me, Cor. Only the best parts.”

By the time we got back to Moose Lake, it was closing in on dinner time. As I parked the truck, Maggie flew out her door and bolted down the stairs.

Fisting her hands at her sides, face red, she gritted out, “Where have you been?”

I blinked.

What the fuck?

Eyes widening, I gestured to the truck. “We went shopping in the city. We talked about this.”

Her body trembled. “It doesn’t take all day to pick up a guitar, Baxter.”

“Mom, we—” Corwin ventured, but she cut him off.

“Go inside, Corwin.”

When he tried again to explain, she leveled him with a gaze that would weaken the knees of a seasoned, battle-weary soldier.

“Okay, okay,” he muttered. Lips pressed into a stubborn line, he looked at me. “Are you coming up?”

“Let me talk to your mom and then we’ll see,” I replied quietly, my hands going to my hips.

In my chest, my bloodless heart fluttered like a leaf in the wind.

How the hell did people deal with this many emotions? Was this what it was to have a family? One you cared about?

Terror that it would be over before it began assaulted me.

I drew in a deep breath and waited for the blows to land.

As soon as her apartment door closed on his back, she whirled on me. “You can’t just take him for the day and not keep in contact with me.”

It hit me then that I wasn’t the only one who was scared.

“Maggie,” I soothed. “We’ve only been gone for eight hours. Two of those we spent driving back and forth to the city. We stopped for lunch. And we went shopping. I needed a bed for my new place, and—”

Stepping closer, eyes flashing, she tipped her chin back.

Instinct kicked in and it took everything in me not to step back.

Tears filled her eyes. “You can’t just take him and not keep in touch. I tried calling you, over and over and fucking over. Do you understand how worried I’ve been?”

My jaw dropped. Not once had I checked my phone. My first outing with him, and I fucking failed.

I reached out a hand but let it drop before touching her.

Her lip trembled as she stared up at me.

“Maggie, I’m sorry,” I confessed softly. “I was so excited to be with him, I didn’t even think to check my phone.”

“You didn’t think at all,” she accused, turning her back and covering her face with her hands.

I shook my head, aching to reach for her. “It won’t happen again.”

Her back heaved.

She’d carried everything on her own for all these years. How many times had she been this frightened by the unknown? How many times had she felt defeated and ill-equipped to carry on?

I stepped forward, placed my palm on her hip, and gently pulled her back against my chest.

She froze for all of a second before the steel melted from her bones.

Resting my chin on top of her head, I promised, “It won’t happen again.”

Voice shaking, she stammered, “It’s just been him and me for so long. I don’t know what I’d do if—”

My fingers tightened at the very thought. “No,” I murmured.

She swallowed audibly. “I’ve never had someone else to depend on, Bax. My parents lived too far away to help most of the time, and I’m not used to him being away from me. Not like that.”

I tilted my head to rub my cheek against her soft hair and inhaled the delicate fragrance of her shampoo.

Feeling that softness beneath my cheek, I remembered the feel of the long hair I’d once wrapped around my fist and rejoiced in her body, warm and pliant against mine.

“We’ll find our new normal, Maggie,” I vowed.

She nodded, then tipped her head back against my shoulder.

I closed my eyes, gratified by this small act of trust. My fingers clamped down on her hip while I fisted the other hand at my side to ensure I didn’t crowd her too fast.

“I’m sorry, Mags. I’ll be more mindful.”

She laughed shakily. “Just answer your phone next time. Shoot me a text. Something to let me know you’re both alive.”

“Me, too?” I teased.

She stiffened, but I held tight.

After a brief pause, she admitted, “You, too. There’s never been a day I haven’t thought about you or prayed for you.”

I lost the battle and wrapped my other arm around her. “Thank you, Maggie. You have to know, there’s never been—”

She pulled away abruptly. “You want to come up?” Brushing imaginary lint from her sweater, she avoided my eyes. “Cor will be disappointed if you don’t.”

Sighing, I stepped back. “I’ll come up. Just let me grab a few things from the car.”

Shaking her hands out, she walked up the stairs. “I’ll send Cor out to help.”

For the rest of the night, Maggie barely said two words.

When I caught her eye, she looked away.

If I asked her a question, she answered politely and succinctly.

I pushed too hard, took too much.

Was she still upset with me?

We ate the dinner she prepared for us at their tiny table, Corwin carrying the conversation like a champ despite the tense ending to our outing.

He didn’t hesitate to say what was on his mind and freely sought validation and approval from both of us.

He did all the things I never could.

Laughed openly, talked about his dreams and plans, shared every little thing that crossed his mind.

Would he be like Lucky? Laughing and happy? Or would I do something to fuck him up the way my father fucked me up?

He was still so small.

I never realized just how young ten was.

Corwin unpacked his purchases and showed his mom. Along with both guitars and all the paraphernalia that came with them, there was a set of books he had his eye on and three vinyl records for his record player.

Seeing it laid out in the middle of their tiny family room, I acknowledged I may have gone overboard.

While Maggie helped Cor with some homework, I did the dishes. God knows, homework would never be my strongpoint.

While I eventually went to college, it took me four years to complete a two-year diploma I had no interest in pursuing into the job market.

I wasn’t sorry I went, but it was a temporary escape, not a carefully orchestrated plan for the future.

When I came back to Moose Lake to regroup, I was no further ahead than I’d been. When my father, who had been the town handyman, neglected his jobs, I filled in.

At first, I handed the pay over to him for the jobs I completed for him in exchange for room and board. But he resented me for that as well.

When people began bypassing him to call on me, he was livid.

I should have left before things got worse.

But Maggie was here, and I didn’t want to leave her. Foolishly, I thought he and I could find a way to co-exist.

But I underestimated his hatred for me.

And the fact there was not enough work for both of us only made things worse.

I closed my eyes to steady myself as my blood pounded through my veins. He was dead. He couldn’t hurt me anymore, and he’d never touch Maggie or Cor.

Taking a breath, I continued on as normal.

After Corwin packed away his homework, we played a board game. Then I set up his equipment and gave him his first impromptu lesson before Maggie sent him to shower before bed.

And I settled on the couch and waited.

This was the best part of the night, the part I looked forward to the most.

Those few precious minutes when it was just Maggie and me. A stolen pocket of time between Corwin going to bed and the flaring of her agitation at my proximity.

She turned to me. “Bax, we need to talk.”

Alerted by her serious tone, I jerked to attention. “What’s wrong?”

Standing a few feet away, she lifted her hands up then let them fall. “You can’t buy him.”

My eyebrows flew up and I gaped. “Buy him?”

“Yeah,” she snapped. “Buy him.”

“I’m not trying to buy him, Maggie. I just wanted to—”

“I know what you wanted to do.”

The beginnings of my anger sparked to life. “Oh, you know, do you?”

She frowned, her brows creating a deep V. “I know you spent thousands and thousands of dollars today.”

“Two thousand,” I corrected. “And that included my bedframe, mattress, and the cheapest dinette money can buy.”

Before she could counter, I continued, “I’ve missed ten birthdays, ten Christmases, Easters, summer holidays, new school supplies, fucking diapers…” I petered off. “I’ve missed so much, and I would have been here, Maggie. I would have been here for all of it.”

She closed her eyes, her face pained. “I know, but it’s not necessary to make up for everything you missed by buying the world for him in one day.”

Shaking my head, I stood and set my hands on my hips.

Tipping my chin down to meet her gaze, I appealed, “I understand your anxieties around Corwin being away from you, and I’ll do my best to support you and make concessions.

I’m asking you to do the same for me. Whether or not you decide to give me a chance, give us a chance, I need you to make some concessions for me too, Mags. ”

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the envelope of cash I’d withdrawn from the bank. “This is for you.”

She drew back. “What is it?”

“Money I should have been paying all along. Money that should have made your road easier, even if you didn’t want me on it with you.”

She stared up at me with wide eyes. “I don’t want your money.”

That spark turned to a flame. “You don’t want my money, or you don’t want my interference in this neat little bubble you’ve built around you and the son I never knew I had?”

Her face paled. “That’s not fair, Bax.”

“None of it’s fair, Maggie. Not to you, not to me, and certainly not to him,” I rumbled. “I’ve got a lot to make up for. This?” I held up the envelope and set it down gently on the coffee table though everything in me wanted to drive my fist straight through it. “This is the fucking least of it.”

She opened her mouth to protest but I squeezed my eyes shut and held up my palm to stay her.

There was nothing good that could come from continuing this conversation.

Not with the rage building inside me.

Because I would have been there every step of the way.

And I fucking missed all of it.

Spinning on my heel, I stalked through the kitchen.

At the door, I paused and looked back, wincing at the shock on her face. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.”

The door snicked shut.

I’d never felt so alone in my life.