Page 17 of The Last Person (Baker Girls #5)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HARDY
Brian is acting weird.
After Justin and Jade visited, things moved rapidly into Christmas celebrations. In addition to Christy, his mom and his sister were in town, and things were busy. We had a game on Sunday, and we have another one tonight, and that’s where my head should be, but it’s not.
I’m thinking about why Brian started acting strange once we were alone in this apartment again.
The average person probably wouldn’t be able to tell, but he seems cagier.
On his phone more. Less engaged. And sometimes when he looks at me, there’s this look of guilt on his face.
Or what looks like guilt to me. Or maybe something apologetic.
He’s keeping something from me, but I don’t know what.
When I walk out of my bedroom in my boxers and undershirt, suit on a hanger in my hand, I see him on the couch, flipping through one of his many poetry books. Though, as I get closer, I recognize the author’s name, but the cover isn’t one I’ve seen before.
“New book?”
His gaze lifts to me, and it lingers on me for a moment, then he closes the book and sets it on the table. “Yeah.”
See? Weird.
He’s also in boxers and an undershirt, and I’m trying not to ogle him. The last thing I need right now is to make things weirder.
I’ve been thinking about how to talk to him—still deciding whether I want to bring up my feelings, and how.
But the weirdness between us the last few days has made me second-guess this.
If things are weird now, will I make it worse by bringing this up?
Probably. Which means I’ll bury it until it explodes out of me at the worst time.
Great plan.
Brian’s phone goes off, and he picks it up quickly, then types something back. Like I was already planning to do, I walk over and sit down next to him, and as I do, he pulls the phone closer to him, like he’s afraid I’ll see what’s on the screen.
I lean a little closer and whisper, “Are you cheating on me?”
Brian jumps and fumbles his phone. “What? No.” Then my words seem to register, and he turns to me with a sigh and elbows me. “What would that even mean?”
“I don’t know. But you’re being super weird, especially about your phone, so what don’t you want me to see?”
He hangs his head. “Ugh. So, I’m not being discreet?”
I chuckle at that. “Not so much. You tackle people more discreetly.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. I just hope if there’s something going on, you’d tell me.”
“Right. Well, it’s not a big deal or anything. Just uh…” He rubs the back of his neck. “I started using this dating app, and I’ve been talking to someone.”
My heart drops into my stomach. Nausea roils through me.
No. I finally figured out my feelings, and he’s talking to someone else?
But I have zero seconds left to school my features and pretend I’m fine, so I do it.
“Ah, that’s cool. You didn’t have to hide it from me.” Lies. I wish I didn’t know. Actually, I wish this wasn’t happening. “Anything serious?”
Part of me needs to know the answer to that question, and the other part is screaming la la la because I don’t want to know.
He shrugs one shoulder. “Hard to say. I’m going to meet up with them after the game, and see how the vibes are.”
“Cool. Let me know if you want me to come as backup.” Or as a cockblock.
A noise that’s somewhere between a laugh and an exhale slips out of him. “Somehow, I’m not sure that’ll help.”
Silence falls between us because what the fuck do I say to that? Do I beg him not to go? Admit my feelings? Bury it all and let him be happy with someone else?
Isn’t that the saying? If you love someone, let them go?
Am I in love with him?
Wow, I really don’t want to answer that question right now.
Before I come up with anything to say, Brian’s warm hand lands on my thigh.
I turn toward him, and he squeezes my leg. “We should get ready to go.”
Go. Because we have a game. Great.
“Yeah,” I say as he stands, but all I can do is watch him walk down the hallway, feeling like everything I want is slipping away as he goes.
I’ve played like shit for the entire game. Somehow, we’re still ahead, but not enough to guarantee a win.
I’m stuck on the sidelines, watching our defense do their work. Watching Brian. I can’t take my eyes off him.
“You okay?” Mark asks, stepping up next to me.
“Fine.”
“Wow, it must be bad if you’re that terrible at lying.”
I look at him, then glance around to make sure no one else is close by. The only other person on the team besides him I’d even consider being open with about this is Wendell. No one else needs to know.
“Yes!” I yell when we narrowly stop the opposing team from hitting the ten-yard mark on their third down.
I open my mouth to respond, but I get caught up watching the fourth-down play.
After the snap, the ball is tossed sideways, then there’s a fumble, which Brian gets caught up in.
I watch closely to see who gets the ball.
TJ comes out with it and starts running, when one of the opposing players sacks Brian.
He wasn’t expecting it—since you don’t tackle someone who doesn’t have the ball—and it was a bad angle. A flag is thrown, but I don’t give a shit about that. All I care about is that Brian hasn’t gotten up yet.
I’m running toward the field before I know what I’m doing, ready to murder the guy who tackled him, but I’ve only made it a few steps when Mark’s in front of me, arms around my chest.
“Don’t do it.”
“He wasn’t anywhere near the ball!”
“And the refs know that too. Let them handle it.”
“He’s still on the ground,” I grit out, trying to push out of his grip.
“He’s getting up,” Mark says calmly.
My eyes flash to Brian again. Wendell is there helping him up, along with a couple of our other teammates.
My gaze cuts to the guy who tackled him, and I growl.
“Let it go,” Mark warns. “It’s not worth it.”
“Okay,” I say, putting my hands up. But only because Brian is walking over to the sidelines. Mark lets me go, and I jog over to where Brian is. “Are you all right?”
He bobs his head up and down. “Yeah. Just had the wind knocked out of me.”
Someone hands him a bottle of water, and he drinks a long glug.
I get called out to the field, and since I can’t do or say anything else, I simply hold my fist out to him. He looks at it for a second, then with a soft smile, he bumps it.
“Get out there and make sure we win the game.”
I nod and put my helmet on, ready for blood. I can’t make the guy who hurt Brian pay, so I’ll make the whole team pay.
Mark’s words ring in my ears. “It’s not worth it.”
But he’s wrong.
Brian is worth everything.
Me: Brian’s going on a date tonight.
Christy: Have you told him how you feel?
Me: No.
Christy: Told you you’re a dumbass. Tell him.
Me: But what if this is what’s supposed to happen? What if I ruin something that makes him happy?
Christy: If the roles were reversed, what would you want him to do? And don’t answer me. Answer yourself, and then figure your shit out. Love you.
Me: Yeah. Love you too.
Since Christy can’t not travel, she took off a couple of days after Christmas and is planning to spend New Year’s in London.
Because we had a game Sunday and then just had one tonight, Thursday, we get the next few days, including New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day off.
Sighing, I set my phone to the side. Brian’s in his room getting ready, and I’m sitting on the couch, trying to convince myself to do something. Even if it’s just getting up and going to my room. But I can’t move. I’m paralyzed here. Except for the part where I’m twitching with stressed-out energy.
Seeing the poetry book Brian left on the table earlier, I pick it up and flip through it, seeing if any titles call out to me.
Nothing really sticks out to me until the word love catches my eye.
I flip back to the page and open it, finding a poem entitled Love Is.
Love is your hand brushing mine in a quiet moment
And the chill that runs down my spine
Love is your presence beside me when I spiral
Calming me without you ever knowing it
Love is the way the joy in your eyes lights my soul
Especially when I’m the cause of it
Love is your tender words
When my heart is in turmoil
Love is your handwriting on a scrap of paper
Telling me nothing and everything
Love is every silent moment you sit beside me
And never force me to speak
Love is your lips pressing into mine
If only in my wildest dreams
Love is your head resting on my chest in every fantasy
The only place I get to love you back
Tears form in the backs of my eyes. Every word of that encapsulates how I feel about Brian. But I don’t want to let it be a fantasy. I want it for real.
“I’m heading out. You need anything before I go?”
I stand up and spin around, heart hammering in my chest as I stare at Brian. “Don’t go.”
“Hey, I told you I’m fine. That tackle just knocked the wind—”
“No. That’s not what I’m talking about. Don’t go on the date.”
His brows dip in, uncertainty and curiosity dancing in his eyes, and when he speaks, his voice is so low it’s barely a whisper. “Why?”
“Because if you’re going to date someone, date me.”