Page 45 of The Last One Standing (Rogue X Ara #4)
“You did, yes,” I answered for him. “Though not for long. He was too large to hold, so he carried you on his back of his own volition.” I glared at him, but he couldn’t care less. “It terrified the fuck out of me.”
“Why did I do it?” she asked.
I paused, my lips flattening, and she peeked over at me, her brow quirked.
“We were leaving to hunt down this.” I gestured to the wyvern encircling my throat. “This is the obsidian crown, or rather, what it became. Do you remember what it is?”
She looked at Guardian, her voice low as she said, “It allows you to speak with him.”
Her brows furrowed again, and on instinct, I reached forward to slide my thumb between them, flattening the crease. Her lips parted in a silent gasp, and she grabbed my wrist but didn’t pull it away.
With my heart in my throat, I cupped her cheek.
She licked her lips, blinking a few times.
“He stole from me, vital parts of me. I’m fighting myself , constantly trying to piece things together while also trying not to fall apart.
I tried to kill you—well, not you. I didn’t see you.
I thought… I didn’t… My mind is shattering, and I don’t know how to stop it. ”
My heart cracked and burned for her. “No. I won’t let it.
You won’t let it. You will not shatter, because you’ve always been resilient, and you will not let someone like Adonis be the thing that breaks you.
You’re far too strong for that, and you’re not alone.
I don’t care if you press that blade to my throat a thousand times—it’ll be a thousand times I stand with you, beside you, behind you, wherever you need me.
A thousand times, I’ll stay with you. If we have to fight your demons together, we will. I can promise you that much.”
She tried to shake her head, but I held her cheek tighter, preventing it. Then, she whispered so low, I almost didn’t hear it. “I don’t want to kill you.”
“You won’t,” I swore, and I meant it. She would not kill me, because that would destroy her, and I would never let that happen.
“You don’t know that.”
“You won’t,” I repeated, needing her to believe me, at least in this.
Her eyes flitted between mine, her brows knitting together again, but she eventually exhaled with a subtle nod.
“My being, my character is the only thing no one should be able to take from me, from anyone, and yet, he did.” She looked past me, her gaze falling over the blooms. “He did so many things.”
Her words hit me in the gut, more painful than any blade. My fingers moved into her hair, cupping the back of her head, and she held onto my wrist. “Tell me.”
She blanched and shook her head.
“When you’re ready.” I pulled her closer and rested my forehead on hers, hearing her breath hitch. “Tell me everything when you’re ready.”
Her hands trembled, and I almost pulled her into my lap to wrap my arms around her, but I reconsidered, unsure if that would do more harm than good.
“My past made me who I am,” she whispered, “and I just… I know you were a part of me, of who I was. He took that from me. He took you from me. He stole you, and I know that I loved you. I feel it in my chest. He could take my memories, but not my feelings. I don’t know you anymore… but I want to. I need to.”
“You will,” I murmured. “I’ll be at your side, as long as it takes and then much, much longer, I promise.”
She studied me with quiet interest, her cheeks tinged with pink. “You’re different now. What changed? What happened to you in the…” Her eyes widened, a sheen of tears shining. “We were in the realm of the dead. I saw him. Vaelor. I spoke to him. He saved us.”
What in Goddess’s name did she just say?
I kept my features composed, even though my thoughts were anything but.
“It wasn’t the…realm of the dead that changed me. It was you.” I didn’t want to elaborate further, afraid that it’d only hurt her, but we did need to circle back to that second bit later.
The realm of the dead? That was where she was when she went into the lightning? And Vaelor saved us?
Perhaps he hadn’t failed in his mission after all.
Running my thumb across her cheek, I said, “But I’m me now, and I won’t hurt you.”
She pulled away from me to look over her shoulder at Guardian. He nudged her again, and I was overwhelmed with the intense urge to strangle him.
“Yes, thank you for reminding me,” she said to Guardian. “Why did I seek him out? Why did he bring me to you? Why were we…” She cocked her to the side, her mouth hanging open, and I could nearly see the gears turning behind her eyes. “You left me somewhere?”
Yes, I would strangle him.
“Finding the crown was dangerous. Not only were we crossing through the Cursed Wood near the border of Auryna—where we were attacked—the crown is incredibly valuable, and so much blood has already spilled for it in the past. It was too dangerous, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you getting caught up in the fight for this.
” I gestured to it, shaking my head. “It wasn’t worth your life. ”
She stared at me, eyes narrowed, much like she did that night.
A chuckle crawled up my throat, and I stifled it with a cough. “Don’t worry. You made sure I knew exactly how you felt…with your fist.”
Shame flashed across her features, the color in her cheeks deepening to bright red.
“Just one good hit to the nose,” I added. “After I told you, I declared you queen in front of the world.” Her brows rose higher, eyes wider, jaw slack. “Without your knowledge.”
She blinked once, twice, then she laughed, light and over much too quickly. I clung to the delicate sound, her nose scrunched, a smile on her lips.
“I can’t… I can’t begin to process that right now.” She laughed again, nervously this time, and rubbed her forehead, glancing at the wyvern attempting to snuggle her. “We didn’t die, though, did we?” she asked, patting him on the nose, and he released a huff. “So, all is well…for now.”
She lay down, tucking her hands beneath her head, facing me, which offered Guardian her back. His pride at her trust in him was nearly suffocating, wafting into my mind in heavy waves.
“All is well,” I repeated in a murmur, lying down across from her.
It wasn’t well, though. None of it was.
She’d been hurt—was still hurt, the deep wounds on her soul still bleeding. We had a war to finish, an immortal man to kill, and a world to save, but right now, for a few precious minutes, we could pretend.
I lifted a hand toward her, and she didn’t flinch or pull away when I ran my fingertips over her cheek, feeling her smooth skin, warmed by the sun and tinted pink. I tucked her hair behind her ear, but couldn’t bring myself to pull my hand away.
I wanted to hug her, to smell her hair, and hear her laugh until she doubled over. I wanted her to call out my name and reach for my hand, to ramble for hours while she drank that caramel mead she loved so much, or sit on my lap, or both—all of it, all of her.
Hell, she could call me a flying lizard and punch me in the nose again if that meant she felt something for me.
I wanted all of her while I was me again.
I wanted her to want all of me as she once did, even the dark, ugly parts that didn’t deserve to be in her presence.
She needed to know I wasn’t always the insufferable bastard I had been for the last week—the exact beast my father had always wanted, the beast he’d been, but I wasn’t him.
She’d chosen me once, and I hoped she would again. I wouldn’t let her regret her decision. I couldn’t let her regret me, because there was no sweeter feeling than her love.
More than anything else, I wanted to fill her life with so much happiness that she no longer remembered what it felt like to be hurt or sad or scared.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, running my thumb across her cheek.
Her lips curled into a faint smile, and she whispered back, “For what?”
“For not finding you sooner.” Her smile faltered, and I wanted to cut out my tongue, but it needed to be said. “For not being who you needed when you found me.”
Her throat bobbed, eyes brimming with tears. “I’m sorry, too.”
I stilled, caught off guard. “For what?”
“For not being who you needed when you found me .”
A tear slid down from the corner of her eye, and I wiped it away. “You’ve always been exactly who I needed.”