Page 14

CHAPTER

14

LINDSEY

Present Day

MOM HAD BEEN inconsolable at the diner. So much so that I had to be the one to drive us home. When we pulled up in front of our house, she opened the car door and leapt out before I fully came to a stop.

She was inside and up the stairs by the time I got to the door.

I could hear her tearing through Jess’s room.

“Mom?” I called out, hurrying upstairs after her.

She was frantic. “It has to be here. It has to be!” she cried from inside Jess’s closet.

“Mom, calm down,” I pleaded, watching as she opened the boxes I had only recently gone through.

“How had I not noticed it missing? What kind of mother am I?” She pulled items out of the boxes, tossing them on the floor.

“Mom, please, calm down, we’ll figure it out—”

“No!” she yelled, startling me, “I can’t . Don’t you see? If that’s her blanket then … then she’s down there too. My baby is down in that water with those other girls. Or maybe she’s buried in the woods,” she wailed, her body suddenly going limp.

I dropped to my knees beside her, pulling her to me. She sagged, and I had to support all of her weight. She cried, her words unintelligible. I gently rocked her back and forth like she was the child and I was the parent.

After a few minutes, she sat up, wiping her face. She seemed to have gotten herself together somewhat. “Will you help me look?” she asked, her voice gravelly.

So, we sat on the floor of Jess’s closet, going through all of the boxes carefully. We were meticulous and methodical. Pulling out each and every item. But I already knew the blanket wouldn’t be here. I’d been through these boxes already.

“We need to go and speak to that lieutenant,” Mom said, finally giving up on the search.

She stood up, leaving Jess’s things scattered across the floor, and hurriedly left the room, practically flying down the stairs.

“Where are my keys?” she exclaimed in a panic.

“I’ll drive,” I offered, grabbing my purse. There was no question I would take her. We needed to go to the police with what we suspected. I was due in to work later that night, but I would call them on the way to the station and tell them I needed to take some personal days. I’d barely had a handful of days off from that place since I’d started, so I knew it wouldn’t be a problem.

We pulled up in front of the police station ten minutes later. We sat in the car for a moment, both of us needing to prepare ourselves.

“Why was her blanket with that other girl?” Mom asked for the hundredth time since seeing the news broadcast. And for the hundredth time, I had no answer.

Finally, we headed inside. I wondered why Mom hadn’t called Dad. It was usually her de facto response in an emergency. Yet she hadn’t. And secretly, I was glad. After everything I had discovered, I wasn’t sure when I’d be ready to face him.

My father was not the man I used to believe he was.

Inside, the station was quiet. Mom greeted the front-desk officer by name. Having grown up in Mt. Randall, she knew almost everyone.

“Hi, Randy, I need to speak to Lieutenant Higgins.”

“Sure, Cara. Let me go get her. Have a seat.” Randy said, giving my Mom a sympathetic smile.

Mom and I sat silently side by side. I had a thousand thoughts running through my mind.

My dad was a liar. He was a cheater, too. Did Mom know? I couldn’t imagine her staying with him if she did, but I couldn’t be sure. People could overlook horrible things if it meant maintaining the status quo.

And he had known Meghan—one of the missing girls—intimately. The ramifications of that were appalling.

Ryan was a liar, too. He had been Jess’s boyfriend. He had been a suspect, too.

Both he and my dad had been questioned about the missing women.

I was surrounded by men of questionable character.

And then there was the blanket.

Jess’s blanket.

Wrapped around Tammy Estep’s decayed remains.

Just then, the Lieutenant came out, a folder clasped under her arm. She looked at us cautiously before indicating we were to follow her.

“Officer Paten said you needed to see me.” She spoke as she walked, and I appreciated that she hadn’t talked to us in front of everyone sitting in reception.

She opened a door at the end of the hallway and motioned for us to step inside. “Please, have a seat.” She gestured to the chairs on either side of a large table in the center of the room. She closed the door and took a seat across from us.

“The blanket,” my Mom began, “the one they showed on TV …”

I watched the lieutenant’s face, noting how she kept her expression neutral. “The blanket we recovered with Miss Estep’s remains?”

“Yes, that blanket.” My mom took my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m positive it belonged to Jessica. I looked for hers today and it’s not with her belongings, and I don’t remember it being with the things from her dorm room.”

Lieutenant Higgins nodded. “I suspected as much.”

“You did?” I asked.

“In going through some old photographs entered into evidence at the time of the initial report, I saw a plaid throw in one of the pictures submitted by Jessica’s roommate that was remarkably similar to the one we recovered at Baneberry Lake. I have since contacted Miss Molina for clarification, and she’s stated that she remembers a blanket like this had indeed belonged to Jessica. I was planning to come by and ask you about it. But no need to now that you’re here.” The detective crossed her hands on top of the table. “Given the clear and obvious connections between the four girls’ disappearances, I’ve put in a request for expedited testing.” She looked at me, her eyes steady. “Unfortunately, I doubt there will be any residual DNA on the wool given how long it was in the ground, but we’re testing anyway. Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll get some answers.” She gave us a kind smile. “But, with what you’re telling me, I believe my instincts were correct and the blanket is Jessica’s.”

Mom began crying again. My throat felt tight. Everything seemed to be happening quickly. I had gone so long without knowing anything about my sister and her disappearance and suddenly I was inundated with clues and information. It was almost too much to keep up with.

“Can you tell me more about this blanket, Mrs. Fadley?” Lieutenant Higgins asked.

Mom looked up, her face red and blotchy. But despite this, she was still beautiful when she smiled. “My mother made the knitted wool throw when I was pregnant with Jessica. I had been told I was having a boy.” She chuckled briefly, dabbing her wet face with a tissue. “The nursery had been decorated in blues and greens. Ben, my husband, had hung framed pictures of trains and trucks on the walls. My mother had terminal cancer, but she worked for months on that blanket. She wanted her grandson to have something from her. I had kept it folded over the foot of the crib.” I had never heard this story before. I was half terrified to make a noise, scared she’d stop speaking.

My mother’s face suddenly brightened. “Then Jessica came along. Not a boy at all, but a perfectly healthy girl, and I wrapped her in that blue-and-green blanket when we brought her home from the hospital. Secretly, I was over the moon. I mean, I would have been happy with a boy, but deep down, I wanted a girl. Ben, too. He doted on our girl. Nothing else mattered to him. She was the apple of his eye from the moment he laid eyes on her.”

“Your husband had a very close relationship with Jessica, didn’t he?” Lieutenant Higgins asked, taking notes on a pad of paper.

“Yes, those two were as thick as thieves. They went everywhere and did everything together. Jessica and I had our own relationship, but it had nothing of the closeness she shared with Ben.” Mom’s voice sounded distant as she spoke, as if she weren’t sitting beside me, but instead back in time with her one-time perfect family. “I may have been a little tough on Jessica. I only ever wanted her to succeed. Sure, I had high expectations, but she was my firstborn. Moms are always a bit harder on the oldest child.” She gave me a watery smile. “But, there was no room for me in the relationship Jessica shared with Ben, that’s why I had Lindsey.” She patted my hand.

“What?” I gaped at her.

“Your dad didn’t want any more children after Jessica. He said she was more than enough for him, but I wanted another one. Someone to love me more than anyone.” She laughed again, but I didn’t find it funny.

Mom had a wistful expression when she looked at me. “But this time, we knew right away that we were having a girl, and I was glad. This was my chance to get things right. To ensure you loved me like Jessica loved her dad. Didn’t I deserve that?”

“God, Mom, that’s so unhealthy. Didn’t you think it was odd that Dad and Jess excluded everyone else?” I demanded, forgetting for a moment that Lieutenant Higgins was in the room.

Mom frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s strange, Mom. You have to see that. Why would you want us to have a relationship like that?” I swallowed, feeling sick. It was all too much. My heart felt like it was going to collapse under the weight of each new revelation. My mind swirled with thoughts of the file Sergeant O’Neil had given me. The copy of the transcript of my dad’s interview from 1999. The pictures of his car and the contents that had been found inside.

He had cheated on my mom with a girl Jess’s age. You couldn’t even describe it as an affair, given the age gap and power difference. He had preyed on her, plain and simple. Had there been more?

The Lieutenant opened the folder in front of her and pulled out some photographs. She laid them out in front of us.

Mom touched a photo of Jess with a shaking finger. These were pictures of a Jess that she didn’t know. I couldn’t tell her I had seen similar photos before—in the hiding place in my sister’s closet.

In one of the pictures, Jess was propped against a wall, a dazed smile on her face. She was obviously drunk. In another she stood next to a keg holding a red Solo cup, a joint pinched between her fingers.

Mom flipped through the photos, making noises that sounded like whimpers. I wondered what she was thinking as she faced the reality of who her daughter had really been.

There was a picture of Jess and another girl with long golden brown hair in a dorm room hugging and smiling at the camera.

“That’s Daisy Molina,” Mom said to me. “That was Jessica’s roommate.”

“And that’s the blanket?” Lieutenant Higgins asked, pointing at the bed in the background where a blue and green plaid throw was draped haphazardly.

Mom’s eyes once again welled with tears. “Yes, that’s Jessica’s blanket.”

“Okay, one more thing, Mrs. Fadley, can you tell me about this ring?” Lieutenant Higgins pointed to a barely noticeable band of silver on Jess’s right ring finger.

Mom leaned closer, squinting at the photograph before looking up. “Ben gave Jessica that ring for her sixteenth birthday.”

“Did it have any sort of engraving on it?” the detective pressed.

My mother sniffed, wiping her wet cheeks. “Yes it did. It was a swirling pattern. Ben picked it out because it looked like the curlicues on the cover of a book he used to read to her every night when she was a girl. And he had her initials engraved on the inside, if I remember correctly. Cost us an arm and a leg. It was from Tiffany’s. But Ben insisted.”

Lieutenant Higgins leafed through the file and pulled out another photograph and placed it on the table. “Did it look like this?”

Mom glanced at the picture briefly before covering her mouth with her hand and closing her eyes. She nodded and Lieutenant Higgins put the photograph away.

“Where did that ring come from? Is it Jess’s?” I asked.

Lieutenant Higgins closed the file, her expression grim.

“We found this ring on the hand of another woman recovered from Baneberry Lake. The one we have in evidence also has initials carved on the inside,” the detective explained.

“JAF?” Mom whispered.

“Yes, JAF,” the detective confirmed solemnly.

“We compared dental records, and now have the DNA results from the state crime lab so I can say the body the ring was found on was not Jessica’s.”

Mom was shaking, her teeth practically chattering.

“First her blanket, now her ring?” Mom rasped, her voice barely audible. She lifted her face, her eyes meeting mine. “What’s going on? Where’s my baby?”

I stared at the lieutenant, but she gave nothing away.

“Can you tell us who you found?” I had to ask, though deep down, I already knew.

The lieutenant’s face was somber as she answered. “It’s the third missing girl. Meghan Lambert.”

After seeing the pictures, Lieutenant Higgins asked us a few more questions. She asked Mom if Jess had ever said the blanket or the ring had gone missing. Mom stated that she had no idea the blanket had been missing, but the ring—Jess admitted to losing it before she disappeared.

I thought about telling Lieutenant Higgins about the things in Jess’s hiding spot, but after seeing how exhausted Mom was, I knew she couldn’t handle any more shocks. I would make sure to call the detective later and let her know.

Mom seemed unsettled once we were back in the car. As I drove us home, she looked out the window, her lips quivering. “I’ve devoted my entire life to my family. First, with my parents, and then later my husband. Then when Jessica came along I felt I had a new purpose.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “But she never cuddled me. Never wanted to spend time with only me. It was always her dad from the moment she was born. I tried not to be hurt by it, but I was. She broke my heart day after day when she chose him over me. So I tried to be a different kind of mother to her. The kind that could be a friend. And when that didn’t work, I was the disciplinarian.” She pressed her fist to her mouth as if to choke back a sob. “It never mattered, though. Because she never loved me. Not like she loved him.” She glanced at me, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. “I’m meant to be the backbone of our family. The foundation. That’s who I’m supposed to be.”

“And you are,” I protested, trying to make her feel better, even if it wasn’t the truth.

Lies were my family’s love language.

“I’m not, Lindsey. And it’s obvious I didn’t know anything about Jessica,” she whispered, pressing her face to the glass and closing her eyes.

Once back at the house I watched Mom sluggishly climb the stairs with barely a backward glance.

Despite Mom being kept out of Dad and Jess’s relationship, I knew she had loved my sister deeply. She may have had me to fill some kind of void, but it was obvious that Jess had not only been the apple of my dad’s eye, but my mom’s, too. It was sad that three had been a crowd.

I went to Mom’s car and retrieved the file box from the back seat. I sat down on the porch step and pulled out the stack of papers I had already gone through, stopping on the copy of the photograph of Jess and Daisy that Lieutenant Higgins had shown us earlier.

I flipped to another interview I had only skimmed. This one was with Daisy Molina, Jess’s roommate.

I read it quickly. It wasn’t long, it seemed to last only about ten minutes. Apparently, the police department was able to identify an ID card used at multiple locations around campus. It appeared they were trying to make a connection between the individual using this ID card and the last known sightings of each of the missing women.

I was surprised to see that the ID card belonged to Daisy.

She claimed that her card had been missing for months and she had no idea where it was. She became hysterical, and the interview ended abruptly. I flipped through the file trying to find where Sergeant O’Neil followed up on what seemed like a solid lead.

But, of course, he hadn’t. Like with Ryan, Dr. Daniels, and even my dad, something that seemed important was dropped completely and never revisited.

Daisy’s name obviously came up frequently in the file. Not only because she was Jess’s roommate and Phoebe’s pledge sister, but also because she was Ryan’s alibi. She was intrinsically connected to these women and this case.

Of anyone, she was the person most likely to have some insight into what was going on back then. I couldn’t count on Ryan to be honest, but maybe Jess’s friend would give me some answers.

I pulled out my phone and googled Daisy. Daisy Molina wasn’t a very common name, but unsurprisingly, there were more than a few matches. I started clicking on links, hoping it would point me to something useful.

Then, I found it.

It was an article from last year about a new dating violence prevention program at Southern State University that had received grant funding. There was a picture attached to the story of a woman in her forties with shoulder-length golden brown hair who apparently worked at the college. I recognized her immediately. She hadn’t changed much.

Daisy Molina.

I went to Southern State University’s website and looked up their current staff list, and sure enough, there was her name. She was listed as a college counselor at the Student Health Services Office on campus.

She was only a few miles away. It felt ironic that the one woman who could provide me answers had been so close this entire time.

I checked the time. It was just before five. Not wanting to waste another second, I decided to drive over there in the hopes that I may be able to catch her before she left for the day.

I got into my car and headed up the hill toward the school. If anyone could fill in the blanks from that time in my sister’s life, it was her best friend.

Once there, I checked the map of the campus on my phone and made my way toward the Health Services office.

I had never stepped foot on the Southern State University campus before. It felt surreal to be there now, walking in my sister’s footsteps. It had always been a distant point up on the hill. A chapter in my missing sister’s story that seemed a million miles away.

I felt a shiver as I made my way along the same graveled paths as Jess once had. The air around me suddenly felt warm and something brushed against my hand. I stopped and looked around, but I was alone.

There was a whisper of breath against my ear and my heart started thudding erratically.

I could almost feel Jess. She was in the very molecules of this place. I could smell the jasmine blooming like echoes of her ghost.

I rubbed my arms, feeling both comforted and unnerved.

Eventually, I found the small, brick building that housed the health and counseling services for the college. Inside, the small reception area was empty, but I could hear the sound of raised voices coming from an office down the hall.

I slowly made my way in the direction of the arguing, stopping outside an open door with Daisy Molina’s name embossed on the glass.

“I have nothing more to say about this, Ryan. I’ve told you what I needed to tell you and that’s the end of it. Now, you need to leave,” I heard a woman I suspected was Daisy say, her voice even and controlled.

I surreptitiously peeked around the door to find two people standing in the middle of the room. I knew one of them to be Daisy—and the other was Ryan McKay.

Daisy tried to move past Ryan, but he grabbed her arm, pulling her up short. He leaned in close, his face only an inch from hers. His features twisted in fury.

He looked scary, but Daisy remained calm, pulling her arm from his grip and giving him a shove.

“Don’t you dare put your hands on me, Ryan. I am not the sort of woman who will stand for your bullshit,” she threatened.

“For God’s sake, we’re supposed to be on the same side, Daisy!” he shouted in frustration.

“There’s only one side, Ryan. The right side. And we’ve been on the wrong one long enough,” Daisy exclaimed, her cheeks flushed. Ryan threw his hands up in the air and turned his face away from her and in that moment his eyes connected with mine.

“Lindsey,” I heard him say, his voice reflecting his surprise.

I walked into Daisy’s office and gave Ryan my best withering look. “I should have known you’d be doing whatever you could to cover your tracks.”

“It’s not what you think, Daisy contacted me. ” He sounded desperate and worried.

“I think you should go, Ryan,” Daisy cut in. “I’ve told you there’s nothing more for us to talk about.”

Ryan looked like he wanted to argue. “Daisy—”

“Just go,” I ordered. “I need to talk to Daisy,” I gave him a pointed look, “alone.”

“I know it looks bad,” he said, his tone soft, “I know you think I—”

Daisy picked up the phone off her desk. “I think it’s time I make that call to campus security.”

“That’s not necessary, I’m leaving.” Ryan’s jaw was stiff and I could tell he was barely reining in his frustration.

He looked at me again. “We need to talk, Lindsey.”

“If Lindsey is at all like Jess, you should know you can’t force her to do anything,” Daisy interjected. She walked him to the door. “Goodbye, Ryan.” And then she closed the door in his face.

I sighed in relief, glad that he was gone. Daisy turned around, her smile blinding. “Lindsey.” She came toward me, her arms outstretched.

I let her hug me, feeling a little awkward. When she pulled back and patted my hand, I relaxed. Daisy had a comforting way about her. I understood why she and Jess had been friends.

“You really haven’t changed much,” she announced. I must have looked confused because. Daisy laughed. “That sounded weird, but I looked at your face every day for an entire school year. Jess kept a framed picture of you on her desk.”

That was an unexpected gut punch.

“She did?”

Daisy nodded. “She talked about you a lot, so I feel like I almost know you. Or at least the younger you.” She had no idea how much I needed the reminder that my sister had, in fact, loved me. Especially after all of the revelations from the past twenty-four hours.

“You handled Ryan nicely by the way,” I commented as Daisy returned to her desk.

“I’ve dealt with bigger pains in the ass in my life than Ryan McKay. Please, Lindsey, have a seat.” She pointed to the cushy armchair on the other side of her desk.

We both sat down, regarding each other intently.

“I was surprised to find you were still in Mt. Randall. And here at the college, no less.” I looked around her office. It was a comfortable space meant to put people at ease. There was a small water fountain glowing with LED lights in the corner. Wind chimes tinkled in the breeze from the open window. Incense burned, giving off a soothing scent. There were thick, multicolored rugs on the floor and soft instrumental music piped through the speakers on Daisy’s desk.

My sister’s former roommate gave me a sad smile. “After what happened to Jess, I thought about leaving a hundred times. About transferring to another school. It had been awful after she went missing. Every girl on campus was terrified. We felt like sitting ducks. But, I decided then and there that enough was enough. I was sick of the endless cycle of fear that we, as women, live in. I stayed, I graduated, and then was accepted to the graduate program in counseling. After that, I applied as a counselor here because this was the one place where I knew I was needed.” She looked out the window at the manicured lawns. “I wanted to do something important. I wanted to try and prevent what happened to your sister and to Phoebe, Tammy, and Meghan from ever happening again.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

I shook my head and she lit one and took a long drag, blowing the smoke out the open window. I waited for her to speak, though I had a thousand questions I wanted to ask her.

“I’ve been hoping for the day these cases would be reopened and for the authorities to take the disappearances seriously. I need to know what happened to Jess. And when the police called me asking about a blanket they found with Tammy’s body, it felt like, finally, they could solve it.”

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted, too,” I told her. “It’s consumed me. I feel like I’ve lived half a life waiting for this day to come.” Daisy made it easy to confide in her. I had no doubt she was a great counselor.

I knew she understood. After all, she had been Jess’s friend. Her roommate. For a short period of time they had probably known each other better than anyone else. It was impossible to share a living space with someone and not know them intimately.

I had lost a sister, and Daisy had lost a friend.

“God, they’re back again,” Daisy groaned, watching a small group walking along the path, their phones out, obviously recording their surroundings.

“Who are they?” I asked. They appeared to be younger than me—maybe even college students themselves.

“Ever since that podcast came out, the campus has been crawling with social media hounds. Kids making videos, ambushing students and staff, trying to get interviews. It’s like they forget real people live and work here. That real women are missing.” Daisy was clearly disgusted.

“Yeah, it’s been hard to deal with,” I agreed.

“That podcast doesn’t help. They’ve emailed me at least half a dozen times, trying to get me to do an interview. As if I’d talk to a bunch of ambulance chasers,” she said with revulsion.

“If only everyone had your morals,” I muttered.

Daisy looked at me sympathetically. “Yeah, I heard my old sorority sister, Erica, spoke to them. She’s been posting about it nonstop on Facebook and Instagram for weeks. God only knows what she told them.” She pressed her lips together in consternation. “But I know it’ll be a bunch of bs. Erica and Jess weren’t close. Hell, I don’t think you can even call them friends. She doesn’t know anything about what was going on with your sister.”

“It won’t matter, it seems the lies make a better story.” We shared a look of frustrated agony.

Daisy watched the group as they headed down the hill. “It’s all entertainment to people like them—like Erica. A scary story to tell in the dark. The actual victims get lost in all the noise. Jess is getting lost. It makes me so angry.”

She picked up the phone on her desk and made a quick call to campus security, telling them about the group.

After she hung up, Daisy took another long drag of her cigarette. “We’re not really supposed to smoke in here. It’s a health-code violation and all.” She chuckled dryly. “But given the things these kids tell me, I need my vices. So, I smoke, and I let students, too, if they need it, and if the college doesn’t like it, then screw them.”

She seemed agitated, but resolved. “Southern State,” she sat back in her chair, the cigarette dangling between her fingers, “hasn’t changed much in the past twenty-four years. There’s a malignancy of silence in these institutions. The administration turns a blind eye to things they shouldn’t. Young women are abused and violated, and the school is more worried about its reputation than about any inflicted trauma.” She met my eyes, appearing determined. “That’s why I’m here, Lindsey. I won’t let them look the other way.”

She was full of righteous anger. I believed if anyone could hold this school accountable for its history of harmful secrecy, it was Daisy Molina.

“Do you know what happened to my sister?” I asked. Daisy took another drag before stubbing it out in an ashtray by the window.

“ This place happened to her.” Her face darkened. “This place and these men, and the fucked-up world we live in where a woman’s life is valued only by what she can provide to others. That’s what happened to Jess.”

Her outrage was justifiable, but I needed concrete answers, not a speech on a soapbox.

“Daisy, can you tell me something? Anything?” I couldn’t hide my desperation. “They’ve found three girls at Doll’s Eye Lake. Jess is the only one still left missing. I’m trying to piece together what happened to her. I could wait for the police, but damn it, I’ve been waiting most of my life for answers, and it’s way past time I figured things out for myself. You knew Jess. You were her friend. Please, help me.”

It had been a long day, and it seemed there was still so much of the day left to go. I was exhausted. My head throbbed with a migraine. I hadn’t eaten since that morning, and my stomach ached with hunger. But none of that was as important as getting Daisy to talk to me.

“I’m not sure how I can help you. I was a lot less observant than I should have been back then. While girls were disappearing, I was too busy getting drunk with my sorority sisters.” She seemed appalled with the behavior of nineteen-year-old Daisy. “If I knew what happened to Jess, I would have said something. I want her found as much as you do.”

I tried not to be disappointed, but I was. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but I had hoped for … something.

Daisy regarded me kindly. “I always knew you’d come here one day asking questions.” She looked away, lighting up another cigarette. “I’ve been both hoping for and dreading it. Because I wasn’t sure what you knew about your sister—what your parents have told you. I knew she had a complicated relationship with them.”

“I know,” I agreed.

Daisy took a drag, blowing smoke out slowly. “She loved your parents, but it was … odd. Especially her relationship with your dad. It was like … she loved him, but she hated him, too. But that’s from an outsider’s perspective. My observations may be totally wrong. Hell, I come from a family that would rather take a bath in acid than give you a hug, so what do I know?” she hurried to add.

I opened my mouth to grill her further about Jess and my father, but she was still talking. Almost as if she were in a confessional and I was her priest. Her words had the note of disclosure, as though she had been holding in the truth for a long, long time.

“I have to accept the consequences of my actions. I’ve made some shitty choices. All I can say is I was young and I thought I was doing the right thing.” When she turned back to me, her eyes were bright with tears. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me. But you can’t hate me anymore than I already hate myself.”

“Why would I hate you?” I felt a shudder of apprehension.

Daisy shook her head, but otherwise didn’t say anything. As if she couldn’t bear to put the truth into words.

“Daisy, please. Tell me about Jess. About what you and Ryan were arguing about. Why did you call him?” I took a deep breath, “tell me why you slept with my sister’s boyfriend.”

Daisy looked as if I had slapped her.

“I didn’t sleep with Ryan.” The denial was swift and absolute. “I would never have done that to Jess. Even though things were strained between us those last few weeks, she was my best friend. I loved her like a sister.”

“But you were his alibi. He said you spent the night together,” I said, confused.

She stood up and faced the window, pressing her palm to the glass. “I know how it must sound, but I never slept with Ryan. And I wasn’t with him the night Jess disappeared. I lied to the police.”

The admission sat between us like an undetonated bomb.

Daisy turned around to face me. Her eyes filled with tears and her mouth pinched in anger.

Her self-recrimination covered her like a film.

“Why?” I barely managed to say, my voice quiet and rough. “Why would you lie for him?”

“Because I was young and naive and I thought I was doing what Jess would want me to do.” She sighed. “Ryan told me he and Jess had argued. That she broke up with him, which had shocked me because I knew how much she loved him. Even though their relationship had so many ups and downs it gave me a headache.” She laughed, but it died quickly as she became serious again. “He said he went back to his dorm, got drunk, and passed out—end of story. But the next day news broke that Jess was gone. The police were questioning everyone. It looked bad. It looked—”

“Like he could be a suspect,” I finished.

“I knew Ryan pretty well by that point. He had been dating Jess for a few months and they spent so much time in our room that I joked he should move in.” Her smile was full of nostalgia. “I thought he was a good guy, even though there were rumors about him. About his temper.” I must have made a face because Daisy gave me a knowing look. “I’m getting the impression you already know that.”

“I’ve seen him lose his cool a time or two,” I admitted.

“Jess, too. But she was happy with him most of the time, and like I said, I knew how much he loved her. He would have walked over broken glass for her. So, in my mind, I knew there was no way he could have hurt her. And I had watched enough soap operas and Lifetime movies to know he would be suspect numero uno. I thought I was being noble,” she argued.

“So you lied for him, but … I’m getting the sense that now you’re not so sure?”

Daisy put out her second cigarette and immediately fished out another one. She was obviously a stress smoker. “Even after all this time I don’t know what to believe. Not about Ryan. I guess I never fully bought his story. Something was off about what he claimed. Then again, something was off about the whole damn situation.”

I let her words sink in for a moment, horrified and yet not entirely surprised either. I had the same feelings.

“But this isn’t only about Ryan. It’s about all the ways this school failed to protect those women but bent over backward to protect Dr. Daniels and its reputation.” Daisy sat back down heavily in her chair. “Everyone has secrets. I’m no exception. Neither is Ryan. Or Jess.” She paused, as if trying to decide how to proceed. “Jess was hiding something, Lindsey, something big. I hate to say this but at the end … I didn’t trust her.”

“You didn’t trust her? Why?”

“She had changed so much. It was gradual at first, but when we came back from Christmas break it was like she was a different person. We had been close. Closer than I was with my own family. I thought we told each other everything.” She shook her head. “But she stopped talking to me. She was failing her classes because she was barely going to any of them. She was partying almost every night, drinking more than most of the frat guys I knew. She was kicked out of Pi Gamma. It looked like she was going to be thrown out of school as well, but she didn’t seem to care about any of it. Something was wrong with her. She would disappear for hours and never tell me where she went. I’d hear her sneak out of our room late at night. She was a shadow of the woman she used to be.” Daisy sounded tormented and I felt a growing sense of dread.

“What was going on with her? Did it have to do with Ryan?” I sat forward, feeling my entire body tense in anticipation.

“I don’t think so. I think it went deeper than that,” Daisy mused, staring off into space again.

“Ryan insisted it was all Dr. Daniels, and he begged me to be his alibi. He said that if the police were busy looking at him, then Dr. Daniels would get away with it. And he’s not wrong. Who would the police believe? A college kid or a respected teacher at the school?”

I frowned, frustrated because I knew she was right. Yet lying to the police about Ryan’s alibi also felt incredibly wrong.

“Ryan was no saint, and I regret lying because, looking back now, I’m not entirely sure I believe that Ryan was actually passed out in his dorm. Something about his story didn’t feel right to me,” Daisy continued, “but he was right in that Dr. Daniels had been involved with all those girls—even Jess.”

“So, it’s true, Jess and Dr. Daniels were together?” I interrupted.

Daisy shrugged. “He was definitely calling the room for her, and she was seeing him one-on-one for tutoring. Everyone knew how he was with his students. It was an open secret. A scandal to laugh and gossip about. Though it wasn’t so funny when it was someone I loved—when it was Jess.” She bit her lip as if to stop herself from crying. “I thought perhaps that was why her behavior had changed so dramatically. That Dr. Daniels was preying on her like he had preyed on Tammy, Phoebe, and Meghan. Ryan and I both believed Dr. Daniels had something to do with Jess’s disappearance. We became fixated on it. On him paying for his seemingly obvious crimes.”

“But nothing happened. He didn’t pay for anything.”

Daisy’s face flushed with anger. “No, he didn’t. The police barely questioned him. The staff rallied around him, and his reputation, though slightly tarnished, remained intact. He continued to teach here, and prey on vulnerable women, until he retired five years ago. By the end, he stopped trying to hide what he was doing all together. What was the point when no one even tried to stop him?”

“It’s wrong that he never faced the consequences for his actions.” I felt the same simmering fury that Daisy clearly felt.

Daisy made a noise of revulsion. “It is wrong. And that’s the kind of injustice I hear about every single day in this job. It’s what made me become a youth advocate—because I was tired of people being taken advantage of and I was tired of places like Southern State University allowing it to continue.” Her expression hardened. “You have to always be on your guard around men like Dr. Daniels. Around men like Ryan McKay. They make it easy to believe them.” Her words held a note of warning. “You can’t trust him, Lindsey. Whatever Ryan says is complete bullshit. He only knows how to lie and deceive.”

My blood turned to ice. That same inexplicable presence that had shadowed me for weeks had returned. It was a whisper on the back of my neck. I couldn’t stop myself from shivering. The feeling of being watched, ever present.

Daisy cast a wary look around, and I wondered if she felt it, too.

“Why are you so sure Ryan’s lying about where he was that night?”

She blinked twice as if she’d forgotten I was there. But then, her face cleared and she took on a look of seriousness that had me on edge.

“A few months before we graduated, Ryan and I were both at a party. He was drunk. I hadn’t really talked to him over the years. We had an unspoken understanding to avoid each other, which worked for me. I was trying hard to move on from what happened freshman year. That evening I found myself sitting in a back corner at a frat house and Ryan joined me.” She hesitated, seeming unsure if she should continue.

I waited.

“It felt weird to be around him. For him, too, I think. He got really emotional. We started reminiscing about Jess. Talking about the good times. It was all pretty nice, actually. But then …” she paused, “then he started babbling about how he knew something bad happened to her—that he saw her.”

“What?” I gasped.

“I was confused, too, until he told me how angry he had been that night. He was crying hard by that point, I could barely understand him. But what I gleaned from his drunken ramblings was that Ryan had driven to Jess’s house— your house—to confront her. She had broken up with him and he was pissed off.”

“Ryan was at my house that night?” I repeated, needing confirmation.

“Yes, Ryan was there. And he saw your sister.”