Page 19 of The Laird’s Unwanted Wife (Legacy of Highland Lairds #5)

O n the insistence of Aileen, guest rooms were prepared for the visiting Lairds and Ladies.

And as Mollie and the girls were finally lulled to sleep, Aileen found herself wandering the quiet halls of the keep.

It certainly had been a busy day, what with three major clans visiting—and all on her very first day as Lady MacLiddel.

More than anything, she needed a calming cup of tea to help her sleep tonight, especially if Gerald chose to finally join her in their joint bedchambers. She doubted he would, but it wouldn’t be the worst place to try to discuss with him the matters of last night.

Or she would simply get her chance upon passing by his study. The door hung ajar, its latch still hanging out in its broken state. Aileen frowned slightly, wondering why the Laird hadn’t taken the time to fix it yet, only to scold herself afterward.

He had to have been just as busy as she’d been the last few days—even more, perhaps, what with the discovery of her brother’s treachery. Fixing a lock must have seemed like such an insignificant matter in comparison.

The sound of a knife carving wood caught her ear, and Aileen couldn’t help but peek inside. Sure enough, she found Gerald hunched over the bookcase, the face of Cailleach still in the works, while her attention turned to the wintry scene.

She spotted a new scattering of snowflakes and the border of a pine forest, though she found particular interest in a few deer carvings amidst the trees. In particular, there was a pair of deer—an adult and her fawn—seemingly being stalked by a large wolf in the distance.

Or … perhaps the wolf was strolling with them at a distance?

Guarding the pair from what looked to be a collection of stag leering their way, from the arrows of hunters lurking behind the snowbanks.

Aileen’s hand clutched against her chest, her heart racing frantically.

She was just projecting her own desires, wasn’t she?

Her scenario hardly made any sense—what interest would a beast have in protecting such easy prey?

“If ye’re goin’ to watch over me shoulder, I’d rather ye daenae do it lurkin’ outside me door,” Gerald called out.

Aileen let out a panicked squeak, quickly pushing the door open completely.

“Sorry! I hadnae meant to linger for so long.” Even then, she found herself lingering beneath the arch, watching as his arms flexed while peeling away the layers of the bookcase.

This was it; the perfect time to talk to him properly about last night.

To apologize for her outburst, to try to find a way forward that satisfied both of them.

Aileen remained frozen in place.

Gerald sighed softly, setting his tools aside before standing to face her fully. “Do ye need something, lass?”

He was inviting her to speak. He was giving her the opportunity to start the conversation how she wanted to. Aileen’s eyes darted around the study, uncertain as to what exactly she was looking for. A distraction , she realized. A reason to delay the inevitable.

“Were … ye interested in carving lessons?” Gerald risked a guess.

Oh, Gods no. She hastily shook her head, finally spotting a pile of books stacked neatly along his desk. “I … I wanted to borrow one of those! Ah … Mollie wanted a particular story, but we didnae bring any from Carswell, and …”

Gerald’s brow narrowed slightly. It was a terrible lie, and shame spread hot and quick across Aileen’s face.

Nevertheless, her husband gestured her in, turning back to the bookshelf as he settled back into his work.

She nodded her thanks, quickly scurrying in and out with whatever book she could get her hands on, first. “Thank ye, again.”

Gerald nodded, his back still turned away.

For a moment, Aileen lingered in the hall, staring in at the study as she watched her husband carve through wood. She watched his shoulders strain beneath his linen shirt, his arms flex and reach across as his hands delicately worked to free the art beneath the surface.

Each curl of shaving that fluttered to the ground sent a pleasant shiver across Aileen’s skin.

She wanted nothing more than to replace his woodcarving knife, to be held by his tender grasp, and to be worked against a sturdy surface.

The thought caused her face to heat further, and she fanned herself with her free hand.

“Did … ye need to speak further with me, sweet wife?”

An opening. He was giving her another chance. He wanted to have this talk as well. Aileen opened her mouth, her tongue numb as a dozen thoughts crossed her mind. She wanted to touch him, but she also wanted to respect his boundaries and keep her distance.

She wanted to tell him the truth, but wasn’t sure herself what that possibly could be. She wanted to kiss him, slap him for sending her such confusing, mixed signals. More than anything, Aileen wanted things not to be … so complicated.

“Nay. Just…wanted to wish ye a good night, dear husband.”

Gerald couldn’t help but feel disappointed as Aileen’s footsteps faded behind him.

He backed away from the bookcase, rolling his shoulders while absentmindedly staring at the work he’d done that night.

He knew exactly what she wanted—he’d wanted the exact same thing—and yet, Gerald had remained silent, had allowed Aileen to slip out of his grasp with such a pathetic excuse.

A heavy sigh escaped his chest as he ran a hand through his hair, briefly pulling it upright into a loose ponytail held by his hand. “I could have started the conversation,” he reminded himself.

And yet, a small part of him wondered if this was for the best. Things were awkward, yes, but Aileen was keeping her distance now.

Just as he wanted from the start, the pair were married, yes, but hardly acted the part.

He sighed again, grasping his knife as he went back to work.

For now, he was content to let things play out as they were.

Aileen finally managed to walk herself to the kitchen, immediately setting to work on making herself a cup of tea.

She dug around the various cabinets for a mug, setting it on the countertop before setting a pot of water over the still-burning hearth.

Even in the middle of summer, the temperature fluctuated between fairly crisp and bitterly cold.

Aileen was certain every hearth remained lit year-round within Lindell.

As the pot began to finally bubble over, a pair of soft footsteps caused Aileen to gasp, and she immediately adopted her visage of Lady of the castle.

She turned gracefully to greet her unexpected visitor, only to immediately break posture as Sarah’s sleepy face appeared beneath her flickering candle.

“Aileen?” Sarah rubbed her eyes, drawing closer to her friend in disbelief.

“I thought I heard someone rummaging about the kitchen—what are ye doin’ up still, love? ”

For a brief moment, Aileen considered making up an excuse before making a quick exit.

But the weight of the day, of the unresolved thoughts and feelings in her heart and mind, felt entirely too much to hide any further.

She blinked furiously, tears threatening to spill out and over as her voice came out in a wobbling sob. “Um … I …”

Sarah immediately jumped into action, setting her candle aside and taking Aileen into her arms. “Here, ye take a seat and I’ll finish up the tea.”

Aileen nodded, terrified to speak past the growing lump in her throat.

Instead, she worked to calm herself down, watching her friend scurry about in search of another mug, a jar of honey, and hanging herbs drying near the corner of the kitchen.

In what felt like moments, a steaming cup was placed before Aileen, the sweet scent of honey and spicy tang of cloves curling against her nose.

“There,” Sarah said, taking the chair beside her with her own mug in hand. “Now, take a moment and settle yerself. I had a feelin’ ye werenae well this morning. I’m sorry I didnae speak up.”

Aileen shook her head, grasping her own mug with both hands as a flood of warmth spread across her palms. “I…I shouldnae have kept it inside.” She took a ginger sip, allowing the aromatic mix to swaddle her comfortingly.

“I … I wanted to speak to Gerald about it today, but there werenae an opportune time. And when there was … oh, Sarah, I’m such a coward. ”

“Ye’re adjusting to a brand-new life!” Sarah insisted. “It was expected that ye’d run into a few hiccups here and there.”

Aileen nodded weakly, though she didn’t feel any better.

“Can ye tell me what exactly has ye in such a tizzy?” Sarah asked. “I can guess it has to do with yer husband and?—”

“It doesnae!” Aileen insisted, though she immediately bit her tongue.

“I … I mean, it does, but it’s nae entirely his fault.

” She groaned, pushing her cup aside as she set her forehead against the table.

“Ah, I wish ye were married, Sarah. Then ye could tell me what to do, how to act around me new husband.”

Sarah gently rubbed Aileen’s back, her voice somewhat strained as she let out a nervous giggle.

“I mean, I daenae ken how much I could help in the more … private affairs.” She suddenly gasped, lifting Aileen by her shoulders as the pair were suddenly face-to-face.

“Oh, Aileen! Daenae tell me he’s poor in bed?

Oh, that’s nae something ye can fix with a simple talk.

I mean, me maither told me of herbs that can help, but if he cannae satisfy ye?—”

“Sarah, nay!” Aileen quickly freed herself, her face beet red and sweltering hot.

She began to fidget with her nightgown, her eyes swiveling around the room to stare at anything but her friend.

“He …” She cleared her throat, suddenly unable to raise her voice above a whisper.

“He … doesnae seem interested in partaking in those activities with me. Actually, he seems quite keen on keeping me at arm’s length. ”

Sarah’s expression twisted up in confusion. “Why?”

“I truly daenae ken!” Aileen threw her hands up in the air, frustration finally working its way free from the tight knots in her chest. “He told me from the start that he doesnae wish to be so intimate with me, but … but then he goes and acts so sweetly with Mollie, and says such kind and reassuring things to me. He’s carried me multiple times, Sarah. ”

“Nay.”

“And he did so in such a romantic manner, and … and …” Another groan escaped Aileen’s throat.

“And I daenae wish to upset him, but I daenae want him to send me away because he refuses to properly consummate our marriage. And I just want him to be honest with me. His words so often daenae match his actions, and I daenae wish to be trapped in a loveless marriage with him. I daenae ken if we can be like fairytale lovers, but I daenae think his original plan of remainin’ strangers is realistic. ”

“Have ye told him any of this?” Sarah asked.

“I tried,” Aileen said. “Last night, down in the wood cellar, but I got so angry at him. I daenae think me intent reached him, only me emotions.” She eyed her tea, grasping the cup and taking a far too big a gulp.

The hot liquid scalded her tongue, the roof of her mouth; in a way, she was certain it was exactly what she deserved.

“All right, well …” Sarah pursed her lips, giving the problem a long moment of consideration.

“It sounds to me like ye have two options, Aileen. Ye can try talkin’ to him again about all these feelings, or ye can simply push past it and get on with yer life.

Remaining in place like this isnae working, so, ye’re going to have to choose what to do next. ”

Aileen grimaced; somehow, she knew that was going to be the answer. “I’m …I’m terrified of what will happen next, Sarah.”

Sarah stood from her chair, taking Aileen into a tight embrace. “I ken, love. But ye spent so long doing what’s best for others, what will guarantee safety for Mollie. Now, it’s time to start thinkin’ for yerself; what are ye willin’ to live with, Aileen? What sort of relationship do ye want?”

That was just it, though. As she buried herself in Sarah’s embrace, Aileen couldn’t rightly find the answer to that question. She’d done everything she could to please the powerful people in her life. Now that she was in a powerful position herself, she hadn’t a clue how to handle it.