Page 17 of The Lady’s Sweet Revenge (Safely in Scotland #3)

R eese made himself too busy after luncheon to join Harlow for their usual afternoon activities. He’d needed some time alone without her on his mind. But as he sat in his study looking over the books and drinking whisky at an ungodly early hour, he was still thinking of her.

He’d grown too comfortable with her, because she’d been here so long. But any day now, his mother should arrive and he could be done with Lady Harlow and all the temptation she had become to him.

She was a danger to his peace of mind, and he’d embraced it rather than wanting her to leave. Surely he was going mad.

When he decided avoiding her wasn’t helping, he went to the library to find she was already there, spread out across his settee as she did in the evenings as they read. She’d kicked off her boots and while her feet were tucked demurely under her skirts, he still knew they were there.

Of course, her feet would be attached to her legs under her dress. This kind of thinking was why he was concerned for madness.

“Are you well, my lord?”

He blinked. “Why do you ask?”

“You seem…”

She didn’t have a word for what he was either. Perhaps she was too polite to use the word mad to describe him.

“Agitated,” she finished.

“Agitated?” He played the word across his tongue and found it suited somewhat. She had riled his blood like no other woman had done before.

“Shall we read? Do you wish me to start tonight?” he asked to move things along.

“That would be lovely,” she said though she continued to watch him too closely.

As he read the words on the page, he felt her gaze upon him, studying him. He didn’t dare look up for to see her with her attention focused on him might be the last strand of his restraint.

He wanted her. Desperately. But she was a maiden, and he’d not debauch a virgin. If she would have agreed to marry him, she’d no longer be a maid.

But she hadn’t.

Thea Stonecliff—make that Thea Hayes now—would likely be upset with the disregard with which he was reading her latest book.

He read the words in the order they were printed on the page, but that was all he could say for it.

For a thousand pounds he couldn’t tell anyone what had happened in the last chapter.

When it was Harlow’s turn to read, Reese was careful not to touch any part of her hand when he passed the book to her. He’d thought it would be a reprieve, but listening to her soft, smoky voice read to him was just a different form of the same torment.

He wanted her. And he could never have her.

It seemed their bold conversation on the beach today had irreparably broken something between them.

He wished to fix it, but what was the point?

She would leave to her home soon enough, and next Season she would marry a man of her choosing.

She’d have the life she wanted and he would have what he wanted. To be alone.

Except, it was becoming clearer by the minute that was no longer what he wanted.

He wanted her, the thought repeated again, as if hoping for a different answer. But it was the same.

He could never have her.

*

When Harlow had read her chapter, she moved to pass the book back to Reese, but he was not paying any attention.

It looked as if he was studying the painting on the ceiling.

If she was correct it was a depiction of Diana, Goddess of the Hunt, with a falcon on her hand as she rode a stag.

Of course, like most portrayals of goddesses, she was bare chested.

Breasts again. Whatever did men find so very appealing about them?

Whether it was the breasts or something else, it was clear the earl was distracted this evening.

She’d barely seen him through the day and she wondered if he would join her for their nightly reading.

She was almost surprised when he entered the room.

Though perhaps she wasn’t wrong, for while he was here physically, his mind was somewhere else entirely.

Did he wish her to leave his home? He was a man who enjoyed his peace and quiet. She was a guest who had likely overstayed her welcome. Maybe he’d grown weary of her impertinent questions. She’d gone too far during their walk, but she couldn’t bring herself to apologize, even if she should.

“It is your turn, my lord,” she said holding out the book for him. He turned toward her and took it but didn’t start reading.

“I’m sorry about today,” he said.

“What do you mean? You have nothing to apologize for.” Her words came out a bit sharp. His regret for a conversation she had so appreciated made her… agitated.

“I should not have allowed the conversation to get so…”

“You mean you wish you would have treated me as every other person in my life. As if I’m too ignorant to learn things about the relations between men and women?

I do not accept your apology, for it was all a woman like me could hope for.

To have a friend who cared enough to share the information I need.

The knowledge I need to go make the best of my life.

It is the education all women should have.

We are told next to nothing, and yet we’re somehow expected to master the act on our first try.

I do not accept your apology, but I would ask you to accept my gratitude. ”

He twisted his lips to one side, as if pondering over what she had said. Eventually he looked up to her face, possibly the first time since they’d come into the library, and smiled.

“You are welcome.”

With that he went back to reading his chapter and things felt normal again, when they had previously been uncomfortably strained.

Except she should not think of them as being normal.

Nothing about this situation was normal or would remain so.

She was just a temporary guest in his home. Nothing more.

It could have been different. If she had known him better, she might have seized the moment that first day and had Reese as her own.

But how was she to know she would grow to have affections for the earl?

How was she supposed to know which suitor she should marry next Season when it would matter most?

When it was her turn to read, she stood to get the book from him.

“Please forgive me,” she said out of the blue. She’d been thinking the words for weeks, but hadn’t meant to speak them.

“Forgive you? For what?” he asked, seeming baffled as he looked down at the book in his hands. And he was right to be confused, for her words were out of place for their earlier conversation.

She had the opportunity to change course, or brush it off entirely, but she didn’t take that route for she’d obviously been thinking about it more than she’d realized.

“I…” She took a deep breath and pushed through. “I apologize for the abruptness of my rejection when you made such a valiant offer of marriage. Or rather made the attempt to offer.”

He blinked and cast wide eyes on her. “Do you wish to change your mind?”

She might have laughed at the worry cast in his gaze. She knew he’d rushed to do the right thing without really contemplating what it would mean to take her for his wife, but he’d clearly been grateful she’d refused his suit.

Clearing her throat, she ignored the bit of displeasure at knowing he didn’t want to marry her. And she didn’t wish to marry anyone who didn’t want to marry her. It was at times like this when she wondered if her brothers’ taunts that she was spoiled might have had more than a bit of truth to them.

“No. You may rest easy.” She frowned when a breath of what could only be relief gusted from his lungs, the sound similar to that first time he’d started to propose. “Perhaps instead of an apology I should say ‘you’re welcome’ for sparing you such a travesty,” she fairly snapped.

He chuckled which did nothing to help her sudden irritation with the man.

“I believe you saved us both from something neither of us would have looked upon with much happiness.”

That eased her pique slightly for he was placing himself in the same light. But did he really think a life with her would be so bad?

“Perhaps so,” she said though she didn’t know that she really agreed.

“I’ll not say it didn’t sting a bit. Mayhap even more than the first time a woman rejected my hand.”

This shocked her.

“You proposed to another woman?” she asked.

Something cold twisted in her stomach at hearing Reese had wanted to marry another woman, but did little to hide his joy at not having to marry Harlow.

It was insulting. She wanted to bring up the numerous proposals she’d turned down so he would see how other men craved her, but that would be petty.

She may very well be jealous, but she wouldn’t allow herself to be petty.

“Aye. I mistook her lack of interest in chasing me as honesty and respect. When in truth, the reason she hadn’t tried her turn at trapping me was because she was in love with another.”

She cleared her throat as she swallowed down her irritation. Perhaps this was the reason he was not seriously interested in her. If he’d given his heart to another and had it broken, he may still be hurting.

“I’m sorry. You must have loved her a great deal.”

“What?” he looked over as if just realizing she was still in the room. “No. Not at all.”

“I see.” So he’d not been burned by love. It seemed both of them spent so much time running away from the possibility someone only wanted them for money or a title that they may have unintentionally avoided the person who was meant for them.

“It was a mistake,” he said with a shrug.

“Do you ever think one of the ladies who attempted to trap you might have been someone you could have come to love? Someone who did a bad thing, but for a good reason? Perhaps they cared for you but you paid them no mind so they took matters into their hands in a distasteful way.”

He tilted his head as if looking back on the past and shrugged.

“I can’t say. Is it something you wonder about all the men your brothers ruled as unsuitable?”