Page 27 of The Labours of Lord Perry Cavendish

Jonny

Jonny did not sleep well that night.

He had made a grave mistake.

He was not, it turned out, the sort of man who could enjoy friendly liaisons with other men without his heart getting involved. It was simply beyond him. And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t already known that was the case. Hell, he’d told Adam as much when he’d insisted he wouldnotbe offering Perry more than friendship.

Why, oh why, had he not listened to himself and kept that resolution?

Jonny groaned and pulled the coverlet over his head.

Why had he imagined he could fuck Peregrine Cavendish and just wave him happily off afterwards? Would he never learn? He cringed to remember how quickly he’d gone from uncomplicated physical delight in Perry’s arms to that sudden, intense need for reassurance.

It was pathetic.

He knew what had caused it. It was Perry’s laughter that had done it. He hadn’t been seeking praise when he’d asked Perry if he’d enjoyed what they’d done—he’d just been curious, really. But then Perry had given that disbelieving chuckle and said,“Are you serious?”

It had reminded him of Stephen, in the worst possible way. How many times had Stephen asked him that, or rolled his eyes at some question of Jonny’s, or complained that he was always demanding attention?

And in reply to Perry, Jonny had said,“Indulge me.”

He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to use that particular phrase, but with hindsight, it was difficult not to conclude that it was very apt. Indeed, one might argue that it encapsulated Jonny’s character perfectly. That simple demand.

Indulge me.

Perry’s next words had been pure generosity—Jonny had been genuinely moved to tears by them—but he’d been horrified too. Horrified to see how quickly, how easily, he had fallen into his old habits. And right then, he’d envisaged the moment—weeks, or maybe even months hence—when Perry would look at him and, instead of that expression of wondering admiration that had made Jonny feel ten feet tall, he’d be wearing one of weary irritation.

Just like Stephen.

No. No, he wouldnotbe going down that road again. Before he bound himself to anyone else, he had to sort himself out. He was a grown man who should be capable of standing on his own two feet. And if it turned out that he could not get his own wild feelings under control, well, perhaps he was better off alone.

By the time Jonny had reached this depressing conclusion, a grey, tentative dawn was breaking, and despite having barely slept, sleep still eluded him. Eventually, reluctantly, he got up and rang for hot water.

After shaving, washing, and dressing, Jonny set his shoulders back and headed downstairs to the breakfast room where he found Perry and Lysander breakfasting together.

As soon as Jonny appeared, Perry glanced up, only to immediately look back down at his plate.

Jonny stilled in the doorway, his heart sinking. Was Perry embarrassed? Regretful? Jonny had been so focused on his own feelings, he hadn’t considered what Perry thought. One thing was clear, though: Perry felt as awkward as Jonny did.

“Good morning,” Lysander said, drawing Jonny’s attention away from Perry. “What are you doing up at this hour?”

Jonny shrugged. “It’s a beautiful morning,” he said, strolling towards the sideboard where he selected a warm roll and butter and poured himself some chocolate.

“It is,” Lysander agreed. “But you don’t generally bother much with mornings.”

“It must be the country air,” Jonny said as he sat himself on Lysander’s left. He turned to Perry and said in an even tone that belied his hammering heart, “Good morning, Peregrine. How are you this morning?”

Perry raised his head again. His expression was wary.

“Well enough,” he said politely but distantly. “I’m riding out with Lysander to one of the tenant farms this morning.”

Jonny nodded, trying to not think about those riding-honed thigh muscles with which he’d become so closely acquainted last night. “That will be good—ah—exercise I expect.” He attempted a smile, but Perry had already averted his gaze back to his coddled eggs.

“What about you, Jonny?” Lysander asked. “What will you be doing today?”

Jonny smiled at him. “Since I’m up, I may as well investigate the possibilities of the morning light in my new studio,” he said. “I have great hopes.”

“And will you be modelling for Jonny again later?” Lysander said, this time directing his question at Perry.