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NOAH

An impenetrable force

First night fever takes over every one of us. It happens every time we go somewhere together. We promise we won’t get carried away, so we have energy the next day to go kayaking or swimming or whatever activities we’ve planned, but we always get too excited and drink way too much.

The entire group sits in a circle around the unlit campfire.

There are strict no-fire laws in place at the moment—the risk of a fire starting is massive thanks to the heat and dry conditions.

Millie’s sitting next to Steph directly across from me, her cheeks rosy from the beers.

She’s giggling at something Steph and Erin are sharing with her.

She catches me staring at her a few times, but she doesn’t seem bothered by it.

If anything, I swear she becomes bolder, her eyes turning into seductive slits.

“Let’s play a game!” Mack announces. “Never have I ever.”

Dan groans next to me. “You’re a fucking child.”

“How does it go again?” Steph asks. “You take a sip when you have done the thing?”

“And you can’t ask any follow-up questions,” Erin adds. “No fishing for info, you busy bodies.”

Mack sits up, a gleam in his eyes. “Correct. I’ll go first. Never have I ever had sex in public.”

“Boring,” Callum calls, sipping his beer.

I take a sip of my drink. I’ve had sex in public several times. Sometimes it’s hot, like sneaking into a cloakroom and having to bang quickly before you get caught. Other times, I’m not so proud to admit, have been drunken stupors on the beach or in a park. Not exactly glamourous.

I glance at Millie, who clasps both her hands around her drink, watching those who sip with interest. I’m grateful I’ve already divulged some of my worst stories to her, otherwise she’d go running in the other direction.

“Let’s hear your suggestion then,” Mack drawls at Callum.

“Never have I ever had sex with three or more people at the same time,” Callum says with a grin, taking another drink of his beer.

Dan and I glance at each other before we both sip our beers. The boys have few secrets between us, our sexcapades not one of them. It’s no surprise the four of us take a drink. Steph and Erin also sip. Millie remains still, her eyebrows quirking after I’ve taken my mouthful.

“These are so vanilla,” Erin scoffs. “Never have I ever gone to a sex club?—”

“Oh, please,” Mack cuts in, lifting his drink.

“And participated,” she adds, staring him down. “Not watched others, but participated in a sex act and had people watch you. No lying, Mack Daddy.”

His eyebrow perks at the way she says his name, but he doesn’t take a sip. Erin smirks before sipping hers. To my surprise, Dan lifts his beer to his lips.

“Bro. When?” I ask, a chuckle slipping out.

“No questions allowed,” he grumbles.

“I am so boring,” Millie announces. “I commend each of you on your adventurous spirits, but I have nothing to bring to the table.”

Steph laughs kindly. “There’s no judgment here, girl. This game is designed for people like Mack to brag about their sex lives. Although, I think Erin is going to beat him with every question.”

Erin straightens her shoulders proudly. “The point is to share parts of yourself without having to give details. We don’t have to talk only about sex. What’s something that might be more common, but also telling?”

“Never have I ever been in love.” Dan’s gruff voice carries around the group and a silence stills over us.

He takes a big swig of his beer. I know Dan.

He might be stern and silent most of the time, but at the rate he’s drinking beers, he’s minutes away from declaring his deepest and most profound thoughts before falling asleep in his chair.

The group moves past the silence, and everybody takes a sip of their beers. Everyone except Millie.

“You’ve never been in love?” I ask, my curiosity piquing.

Millie’s gaze lands on my face. “Nope.”

Her admission surprises me. I know she’s had boyfriends during the past decade. I assumed she’d been in love and had her heartbroken like the rest of us.

“Why not?” Steph asks.

Millie shrugs. “It’s never been right. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fulfilling relationships and have loved people, but I’ve never experienced what it’s like to be in love.”

“Pressure’s on, King,” Callum jokes.

I smile, but it fades as I look back at Millie, her expression turning sombre and contemplative.

“It’s overrated anyway,” Dan grumbles, staring at the still unlit fire pit.

I glance at him, then back to Millie, and over to Mack and Callum, who are giving me the look. Time for bed.

“On that note, I say we call it a night,” Mack announces, finishing the rest of his drink with ease. “I’m getting drunk and don’t want to spend tomorrow hungover.”

“Too late,” Erin says, giggling to herself.

Conversation breaks out again as we clean up our mess. The women head to the makeshift bathroom to brush their teeth and prepare for bed, so I take the opportunity to check in with Dan. He’s still slouched in his chair, staring into oblivion.

“You good, mate?” I ask, clapping him on the shoulder.

He comes out of his stupor and looks up at me. “Yeah, mate. Drank one too many. Turning into you.”

I chuckle. “I’m reformed, remember? Thanks to you.”

Dan snorts, running a hand over his head. “Fuckin’ hell, mate.”

“Is this about Sarah?”

Dan sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m pathetic.”

I sink into my chair beside him. “No, you’re not. You’re going through something painful.”

“It’s been over a year,” Dan spits, shaking his head. “When am I going to move on?”

“When you’re ready. Or maybe when you see who else is out there.”

Dan opens his eyes and glares at me. “I’m not interested in anyone else.”

“How do you know if you don’t try?” I ask. “I’m not saying you have to bang anyone. Try talking to some women once in a while. You don’t talk to anyone.”

“I never have,” Dan grunts.

“Not true. You’ve been to a sex club, apparently.”

Dan’s reserved, sure. He always comes across as the strong, silent type, which can be seen as rudeness or disinterest, but I’ve also seen him open up. He can bellow out laughter and shout when he has to, but he’s become a shell of himself since Sarah left.

“You’re going to be okay,” I assure him. “Sometimes these things take longer than we’d like.”

Dan nods, exhausted. “I know.”

“Get some sleep,” I order. “We’ll revisit this when you’re sober.”

“No, we won’t.”

“Bullshit.” I give him a quick kiss on top of his head. “Bed. Now.”

When I eventually make it back to our tent after getting Dan in his and brushing my teeth, Millie is perched on the bed, in her pyjamas, a flashlight providing an amber glow to the space. Her face is freshly washed, her big eyes filled with concern as I zip us inside.

“Is Dan alright?” she whispers.

“He needs some sleep,” I reply. “We can get emotional once the booze starts flowing.”

“He’s had his heart broken, hasn’t he?”

I sigh. “His high school sweetheart, Sarah. He thought they would get married and have babies. We all did.”

Millie hugs her knees to her chest. “What happened?”

I shrug. “She left. Said she wanted to experience other things. Wanted to see more of the world, not just where the best waves were.”

Millie tilts her head. “Dan didn’t want to go with her?

“She didn’t invite him,” I reply grimly, whipping off my shirt. “Last I heard, she was working some corporate gig in London.”

Millie looks sad as she gingerly tucks herself into one side of the bed. “That sucks.”

As I lower myself onto the mattress, I realise one of the blankets and a couple of items of clothing lie down the centre of the bed, effectively splitting the mattress in half. “Did you do this?”

Millie lifts her chin. “Yes.”

I grin. “What an impenetrable force.”

“It’s a reminder.”

“A reminder of what?”

“To keep our hands to ourselves,” she quips, snuggling into her side. “So it doesn’t get weird again.”

“Right,” I say slowly. “Nothing like a blanket and a pair of your denim shorts to remind me not to cross the threshold.”

The mattress bobs as I lie down to face her, and Millie laughs as she jostles. “I didn’t say it was perfect.”

“At least you’re acknowledging it without blushing.” I prop myself up on my elbow, resting my head against my hand.

“Sometimes too much booze is helpful,” she says with a smile. “It makes some people emotional, but it makes me brave.”

“It’s also made you put a clothing barrier between us.”

Her smile fades slightly. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

When her chocolate eyes meet mine from under her thick lashes, it takes every bit of willpower to not lean in and kiss her. She said she’s had too much booze after putting a barrier between the two of us because it was the right thing to do. Think with your head, not your dick.

“It was,” I assure her, resting my head on the pillow.

Before I can register her expression, Millie turns her face towards the torch and flicks it off, plunging us into darkness.

“Have you and Cammie ever hooked up?” she asks.

I chuckle. “You’re not so brave you couldn’t ask me with the light on?”

Millie tuts under her breath. “Well, have you?”

“No. Never.”

“Oh.”

After a few quiet moments, I ask, “Have you really never been in love?”

She sighs. “Really, really.”

“I bet people have been in love with you.”

She laughs softly. “You’re sweet, Noah.”

“I’m serious,” I insist. “Poor bastards might still be pining.”

“I don’t think so,” she replies. “I don’t think I open myself up enough for people to get that close.”

My eyes are slowly adjusting to the darkness, and I can see the outline of her nose and the glisten of her eyes. “Why not?”

“I’m not sure. My mind’s always racing. I spent so long studying and getting involved in volunteering and projects .

. . relationships seemed like a hassle. My ex never took me on dates or made many romantic gestures, and I don’t think I noticed at the time because I wasn’t invested in our relationship in the first place. ”

It’s akin to my stance on relationships.

Surfing has always taken priority, with many of my romantic relationships suffering because of it.

I often hold back or get caught up in other stuff to notice what’s happening right in front of me.

But I have been in love and experienced the highs and lows of what that’s like. Millie hasn’t.

“Thank you for sharing that,” I whisper.

Her teeth gleam in the semi-darkness, a small smile on her lips. I pause for a beat, before taking a sharp intake of breath. “I want to open a surf camp for kids.”

I see Millie’s head lift, the mattress moving with her body. “Really?”

“I haven’t figured it out yet,” I say hurriedly. “But I want it to be for families who wouldn’t ordinarily be able to do it. Those who are at-risk or experiencing poverty. I want kids to get away for a week and experience the best things I got to as a kid.”

I roll onto my back, lifting my arm behind my head. “That’s what I want big sponsors for. I want to build partnerships with people who will get behind something like that.”

I’m not sure how long we lie in comfortable silence for, but when Millie’s hand finds mine in the darkness, I clench it tightly.

“Thank you for sharing that,” she whispers into the darkness.