Page 97 of The Keeper of the Kingdoms

“No, but a lot of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I pulled away slightly, not sure what I felt.

“Because there has been so much for you to adjust to, I didn’t want to add another complication.”

“It changes everything.”

“It changes nothing,” he said solemnly.

“How can you say that?” My voice pitched.

“Because you still have free will.”

“There is no fighting it.” My breathing quickened as the world closed around me. “We are mates, Jaxus. Soul-bonded.”

“You still have a choice. There is always a choice. You have a duty here and—” he cut himself off, but I couldn’t ask what he’d been about to say, too focused on my breathing.

My betrothal to Casimir was effectively over after tonight’s drama anyway, but this made it inconceivable. Would my family understand? Did Gran already know?

He put his hand on my cheek. “Breathe, Firefly.”

I nodded, unable to form words. He stroked his thumb over my cheek, grounding me while I focused on my inhale, then exhale. Over and over.

“Would you have really let me marry another?” I managed at last.

“‘Let’ is not the word I would use. I would have endured it had you loved him.”

I searched his face.

He didn’t waiver.

While I felt like my entire world crumbled, he stood steady against the stampede.

I believed him.

“Do you even want this?” I asked, barely keeping the quiver out of my voice.

“How could you imagine I don’t?” His golden eyes flickered with something.

“This is a mess. My life, my duty, my family. The politics of it all. Nyx. The war. We are barely keeping our heads above water, with the promise of drowning tomorrow always on thehorizon. Why would you want to do any of that? Are you only here because you have no choice?” I couldn’t bear it.

“I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in the tavern that night. You had tears in your eyes and your hair half undone from your braids because you kept shoving your hands into it to fight the grief. With dark circles and magic so depleted, I didn’t know how you did all that you do, and knowing you has only made you more beautiful.

“Your intelligence and humor. The care you take with every patient. The way you selflessly give and give to your friends.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I only hoped there was enough room in your heart for me, but even if there wasn’t, I’d follow you to the ends of the Twelve Kingdoms.”

Tears filled my eyes and I felt guilty for being so happy. With all that stood against us, how many suffered and died, and knowing I had to rebuke my oaths and disappoint my family to do this, I was still so filled with joy.

“Don’t cry.” He brushed his thumb through the moisture and brought it to his lips, sucking it.

“I can’t help it.”

“I promise Casimir will find some other female to harass. He’ll be okay.”

I laughed through my tears. “I’m sure there will be a line of fae to have his babies.” I shuddered and wiped my eyes.

“Then what is it?”

“It’s not any of that. I know I have failed you and not taken the time to get to know you, but—” The closer we got, the more I realized I didn’t know anything about him, and it was all my fault. “I had a lot of walls up and I don’t know how to marry the two halves of myself.” How did I apologize for all I put him through? I’d rebuked him so much, it was a wonder he was still here. “I want to know you.”