Page 40 of The Idol

In hindsight, it was a miracle Father Kent wasn’t one of those priests who liked touching kids, becauseNanayhad all but thrown me into a room alone with him once a week until I learned that I needed to hide mywrongness.

I’d gotten good at it, too.

Years of carefully navigating desires that veered just a little too dark, too possessive, too hungry. Years of keeping people at arm’s length. Years of watching others to add to my repertoire of masks.

And now here came Elior.

Bright and breakable and as pure as spring sunlight.

Looking at me with those huge, trusting eyes like I was somethinggood.

I shouldn’t have touched him that night, but it was too tempting not to.

Now I couldn’t get it out of my head.

I wanted to touch him again. To watch the innocence unravel from the edges.

He was nineteen.

He was technically an adult, even if he was fourteen years younger than me.

He was legally capable of making his own choices.

But he wasn’t free. He wasn’t educated. He didn’t know what choice truly meant. And that made every impulse I had feel twice as foul.

Fuck, I craved him—every time he looked at me, every time he smiled so shyly, or said my name like he was in awe of me.

The darker part of me savored the attention, like a starving person wanting nothing but to consume him.

I exhaled slowly, forcing the tension out of my shoulders.

I knew it was morally, ethically, and legally reprehensible to want what I did.

But I also knew that if I gave in, he would keep my secret.

He was a good boy like that.

I needed a plan. Something that would guarantee that he would be free once the shitstorm the agency was brewing rained down on this place. I needed solid evidence that he was an innocent victim of his father, and not a co-conspirator.

If I went through with this, I was guaranteed a place in hell if it existed.

9

Elior

It had been a few days since Jace’s apology for what had happened between us. We’d gone back to walking together in the mornings after service, and as each day went by, I felt myself growing more and more comfortable with his presence.

But I was worried about the upcoming confession night. It felt too soon, even though it’d already been a week since the last one—there were just two more days to go.

I tried not to think about it as I waited for Jace to join me. Tried to keep my hands tucked neatly behind my back, my posture straight, my face calm. Father always said that the body reflected the soul, and the soul reflected one’s devotion, so I tried to let the morning light warm my shoulders and steady me.

But it didn’t help.

Especially not when I could feel Jace behind me, closing the distance the way he always did. My breath caught when his stride matched mine.

I kept my eyes on the ground.

He cleared his throat softly. “You’re quiet today. Everything alright?”