Page 45

45

STEFI

T he moment Joao comes back home, I can tell that something is up. His shoulders are tense, and there’s a hard look in his eyes. “How was your doctor’s appointment?” he asks.

“All good. I’m clear to resume normal activity.”

“Excellent,” he replies, though he doesn’t sound thrilled. “That’s great. I have some news for you. Is Charlie home?”

I shake my head. “She went to see a movie with her girlfriends. I asked her if Ignazio was going to be there, and she told me she hasn’t changed her mind and still hates guys. I told her that if Ignazio was bothering her, she should tell me and I’d take care of it, but she blushed furiously and told me he wasn’t that bad.” I take a deep breath. I’m babbling about Charlie because I’m nervous about what my pregnancy will mean for us. “I have some news, too.”

All afternoon, I’ve been struggling to process the news of this baby. After Christopher, I threw hope for another child out the window. I don’t really think I ever expected to survive my quest, let alone be pregnant again. I’d lost the love of my life and then my baby boy and was reconciled to being alone forever.

But I’m pregnant again. I must have conceived that first night at the farmhouse—that was the only time we didn’t use protection. This baby—our baby—is a miracle, the second chance I never thought I’d have. The second chance I never deserved.

My emotions have been like a wild pendulum since I heard the news. I go from giggling in sheer delight to expecting the worst. Matteo gave me a thorough exam and told me everything looked fine, but that doesn’t completely reassure me.

My palms are sweaty, and I can’t stop smiling. Joao and I are going to have a baby.

“Flip to see who goes first?”

“Sounds good.”

He fishes a coin out of his pocket and tosses it in the air. “Tails,” he says when it lands. “I win.” He exhales in a long breath. “Valentina has a location for Dachev. He’s going to be in Varna with his mistress tomorrow night. His secret mistress, so he’ll only be traveling with one bodyguard.”

My heart leaps in my chest, and then I register the timeframe. “Tomorrow? That soon?”

He nods grimly. “Valentina warned me that if we missed this opportunity, there was no guarantee she’d be able to find Dachev again. I wish the timing were better. I wish you had longer to heal and recover, but if Matteo said you could resume regular activity. . .” His voice trails off. “We could travel to Bulgaria together and take him out.”

He didn’t want to tell me. I can see it in his face, in every line of his body. More than anything in the world, Joao wants to protect me from harm.

And it would have been so easy for him to keep Dachev’s location a secret. After all, how would I ever find out he had a lead on the man who killed my baby? Valentina doesn’t like me enough to break Joao’s confidence.

But as much as he’d prefer to wrap me in cotton wool, he didn’t. He told me the truth.

“You wanted to hide this from me, didn’t you?”

A flicker of guilt crosses his face, but he doesn’t lie to me. He nods, his jaw tightening, as if bracing for a blow. “I did. Are you mad at me?”

“No.” Matteo warned me about hormonal changes and told me I might be more emotional than normal. He’s certainly right about that because I’m fighting the urge to burst into tears. “Your first instinct was to want to protect me. How can I be mad about that? It makes me feel cherished.” I give him a tremulous smile. “You could have hidden Dachev’s location from me, but you didn’t. What you wanted to do doesn’t matter as much as what you did.”

And now I’m faced with a dilemma of my own.

I desperately want to kill Dachev. I want to see him suffer and die more than anything in the world. I want him to beg for his life while I line up the gun. He’s the only target left on my list, the list that has consumed my life since the moment I walked out of that psych ward in Istanbul.

He killed my baby, and I’ve waited so long to avenge his death. I owe it to Christopher to kill Pavel Dachev.

But if I tell Joao I’m pregnant, he’s not going to want me to go to Varna.

If I don’t tell Joao. . . if I just wait two more days to break the news. . .

I take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.” My hands tremble as I wait for his reaction. This is such a big deal, such a life changing thing, and even though I think he’s going to be happy, I can’t be sure.

Shock flits across his face for a second, and then he breaks out into a wide smile. “We’re going to have a baby? Stef, that’s amazing news.” There is a sheen of tears in his eyes. “Do you want this?”

I nod, a lump in my throat. “I really do.”

He envelops me in a hug. “Me too,” he says, his voice thick. “I want this so much. I’m so happy.”

He holds me in his arms for a long moment before pulling back and studying me intently. “You still want to go to Varna, don’t you?”

“Dachev made me lose Christopher,” I whisper. “I made our baby a promise. More than anything, I want to keep it.”

He nods. I’m waiting for him to tell me it’s a bad idea, waiting for him to forbid me to go.

But he doesn’t say it. He knows how important this is to me, so as much as he wants to, he doesn’t tell me I can’t come.

He leaves the decision to me.

And because he doesn’t do anything to stop me, I stop myself.

I just found out I’m pregnant. There are now things more important than my revenge. And if Christopher was alive, I know he’d agree. He’d tell me to protect his baby brother or sister.

“I don’t want to take any chances with this pregnancy. I don’t think. . .” I start to choke up. It takes me a minute to steady my voice. “Will you kill Dachev for me, Joao?”

“Happily.” His eyes search mine. “You’re sure?”

I nod. “I’m sure. Sometimes, you have to lose the battle to win the war. I’m making the right choice.” I drop my gaze from his. “It still sucks.”

He squeezes my hand. “It does,” he says. “You don’t have to stay here, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to remain in Venice while I go to Bulgaria. You could travel with me and provide operational support. That way, you’d still be involved.”

There’s not much support to be provided, but Joao can tell I hate the idea of him going into danger all by himself, and he’s offering me a solution that works for both of us. I smile at him, my heart lifting. “I’d like that very much.”

He grins. “Do you realize we just had a moment of personal growth? We both curbed our natural instincts to protect the other person and decided to trust each other.”

Joao’s right. We had a problem, and we solved it together. We didn’t unilaterally make decisions to protect the other person. We had a discussion and came to an agreement. “Huh. Does this mean we’re growing up?”

He laughs. “Probably good timing, given that we’re going to have a baby.”

I beam at him. The future is bright and filled with promise and close enough to reach.

Just one more death to go. . .

And then we’re going to live happily ever after.