Page 19

Hold it together. Come on.

To have first watched Mira nearly die in one of the most appalling ways imaginable, suffocating, crushed to death under a pile of mud – and then to discover the dead and mutilated body of the very person who should have been there with them.

This is all my fault. I took us this way back from the waterfall.

She was jumpy; on high alert – she was becoming irrational.

But she had to get a grip; the last thing she needed was to start falling apart now, unravelling at the seams. Even though she was no longer the one navigating, her survival depended on her holding things together; on helping keep the others calm too.

Her scrambled thoughts – racing, too fast to grab hold of – were telling her horrible truths.

Or were they lies? How was she supposed to know what was even real any more?

If only they hadn’t followed my lead.

If only we’d taken a different path.

If only none of us had come here at all...

It was too late for any of that now. She was here, and so were four other people who, after not even a full day, she felt connected to – and responsible for.

She cared about them: Mira and her quiet determination to be alive; Naya and the way she seemed able to handle crises so effortlessly; Scott and his gentle awkwardness.

Even Ben, who she suspected now, underneath the smooth, handsome exterior, was someone vulnerable; someone with extra challenges to deal with, based on the pills she’d seen at the waterfall.

Perhaps he was an addict, just like her first instincts about him had told her.

The drugs could be legit, but his reaction – the way he’d grabbed them back, looking shame-faced – gave her cause for suspicion.

Carly shifted her attention back to the group ahead of her. They stepped out of the thickest of the foliage onto the narrow pathway they’d been following before they’d veered off to investigate the source of the buzzing. Bile rose in her throat again; she swallowed it back down.

‘Let’s stop here a sec and check the map again before we carry on,’ called Scott from further ahead.

The group formed a circle around him as he dug the folded-up scrap of paper from his back pocket, unfolding it and tracing his finger across its surface. She was relieved he was in charge of the navigation now; she’d made enough of a mess of things already.

Scott glanced skyward. ‘I’ve been checking the direction the sun’s been moving in for the past few minutes.

It’s heading that way – see?’ He pointed to the right.

‘That means that direction is west. And this way’ – he gestured ahead – ‘is south. We know The Hideaway is at the southernmost point of Hannah’s land – see, here on the map?

So, I reckon we just need to go in this direction – south – and we’ll get back to it. ’

Carly hovered at Scott’s shoulder, checked the map, nodded. ‘Sounds like a good plan. Let’s move.’

Ben turned back towards the track, still holding the knife in his grasp, ready to start hacking at the foliage again as he went, when Naya’s voice, wobbling but firm, reached Carly’s ears.

‘Actually, everyone, before we get going again, should we stop and check how much food and water we’ve all got left? It might take us a while to get back, and I don’t know about all of you, but I’m pretty much out of my stock. Perhaps we can pool all our resources, share things out?’

Carly considered this for a moment. She was desperate to keep moving, to get as far away from the middle of the rainforest as possible. But a tally of their snacks and drinks wouldn’t take long, and it might help keep the others calm.

‘OK, let’s do it – but let’s make it quick,’ said Carly, leaning down to open her rucksack, starting to rifle through it.

Naya, Scott and Ben mirrored her: pulling out dregs of nut packets, a cereal bar, a squashed banana, water bottles that were now mostly empty.

‘Wow,’ said Carly, looking at the sad selection when they’d all finished. ‘Is this really all we’ve got?’

‘Well, I wasn’t expecting we’d still be out here by now,’ said Ben. ‘I thought Paola’s snacks would tide us over.’

‘Me too,’ said Naya.

Carly thought back to when she’d packed her bag that morning: she’d felt uneasy about what they were doing – starting the retreat without Hannah – but she’d had no idea, not the vaguest notion, of what lay in store for them.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, like a different world.

Truth be told, since arriving here yesterday, she already felt like a different person altogether.

‘Mira, how about you?’ said Ben. ‘Do you have anything left?’

‘I’ve got nothing,’ she said. ‘Feel free to take a look in my bag...’ She pulled it down from her shoulders, held it out.

‘Don’t worry, there’s no need,’ said Scott. ‘We’re going to keep walking and get back soon, well before we run out – I’m sure of it.’

They set off again. They walked for another fifteen, perhaps twenty minutes.

The sun had started to dip lower in the sky; it was almost invisible now behind the shroud of trees and branches.

The temperature had dropped slightly too, but the thick humidity still clung in the air; it tasted damp, smelled mildewy.

And we’re still no closer to getting out of the rainforest.

‘It’s going to get dark soon,’ said Naya from behind her, voicing Carly’s own thoughts. ‘What are we going to do if we can’t find our way back before night falls?’

Think, think. Carly wanted to find a way to reassure her – people needed a voice of calm at a time like this. Her brain raced through the options, gathered her thoughts.

‘Listen,’ she said. ‘We’ll get back there – even if we don’t make it tonight...’ Shit . She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

‘Hang on a minute,’ said Ben. ‘What do you mean, if we don’t make it tonight ? Do you think we’re going to be stuck out here until tomorrow?’

Carly’s heart began to pound. She shouldn’t have shared her fear out loud – but they couldn’t avoid it: it was getting dark.

No matter how good Scott’s navigation skills were, they had no chance in the pitch black with only a couple of small torches to guide them.

She knew what the jungle was like at night – she’d been in one before.

The memory of her last time in a rainforest startled her like a splash of cold water to her face.

She’d never been up for doing the plant medicine, but the group circles, the open sharing had brought Carly and her fellow travellers insights that she’d never before have believed possible.

The way she fell in love with the people she was there with, felt an intimacy, a depth of connection with them that she’d never known before, or since.

And, of course, Robyn.

Carly saw her face for a second; felt a sharp jolt in her chest. She’d never been heartbroken before Robyn, not really. She’d not known what it was like to love someone, and then have to watch them change; to drift away slowly, leaving nothing but empty longing and painful memories.

Come on, not now. Pull yourself together, Carly. She knew this wasn’t the time for reminiscing, for becoming overwhelmed by her sadness.

To her relief, Scott took charge again. ‘Let’s just take another quick look at the map.

’ Scott dug the map from his bag, unfolded it for the group; they all stared at it.

‘Look, we’re making progress – we must be on this path now, the one heading towards that stream – the big one.

’ He ran his tongue over dry lips. ‘That means we’re going in the right direction. ’

‘Exactly,’ agreed Carly. ‘And remember, Hannah’s rainforest isn’t that big – we just need to keep moving and we’ll be out of here in no time.’

‘I don’t know, man,’ said Ben, shaking his head. ‘The thing with this jungle is, everything looks the same – in every direction. It’s hard to know which way is up and which way is down – especially when it’s starting to get dark.’

‘I know that, for God’s sake, I—’ Carly snapped. She stopped herself, shook her head apologetically; she wasn’t being fair. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to have a go at you – I just don’t want everyone to get more freaked out than they already are.’

‘OK,’ said Naya. She turned to Scott. ‘I can see you’re good with navigation, but seriously, how much further do you think it is? How much longer will it take? I just want to go home.’ She rubbed her eyes, sniffed; she looked exhausted, and afraid.

Carly wanted to say something that would reassure her; that would help keep the group together. That was more important than telling her the truth, at least for now. They needed to believe they were making progress, if they were to keep on going.

‘I can’t say for sure,’ Scott replied. ‘But I think we’ll be back at the house in the next hour or so,’ he said.

Naya nodded; there was relief in her eyes. ‘OK, let’s go – Scott, keep leading the way.’

They walked on. But with every step forward now, Carly sensed their hope was fading.

There was no mistaking it: the light was beginning to dim above the canopy of trees.

In minutes they’d have to rely on their torches to guide their way back.

And navigating through dense jungle in the dark – even with torches – was something not even the most experienced of wilderness survivors would attempt in a hurry.

One wrong step and you’d have a snapped ankle or a broken arm to contend with – or worse.

Soon, the five of them could see no further than a few feet in front of them. All of them were hot and thirsty, and the shock of what they’d discovered earlier was written on everyone’s faces. They were traumatized and tired, Mira especially exhausted and struggling for breath.

It’s time to give up.

They couldn’t keep walking; not in the dark.

It was too dangerous, and in just a few minutes it would become even more so – they couldn’t see what they were stepping on, they couldn’t make out the undulations of the earth beneath them, the rise and fall of the ground, the jutting of rocks and branches and vines that could so easily prove lethal.

She took a deep breath, stood still and turned to face the group.

‘Hey, everyone, hold up,’ she said.

‘What is it?’ said Scott. Even in the near dark, Carly could see the wariness on his face. He knows we’re not getting back there tonight .

‘I’m just thinking – and don’t freak out, it’s not that big a deal – but because it’s dark now and we’ve still got a way to go, we might be best to wait it out until it gets light – our torches can only light small patches of the ground in front of us.

And even with them, it will be way too treacherous trying to walk in the jungle at night. ’

She looked around the group and realized that in the brief time since they’d stopped walking, Mira was already squatting on the ground, resting.

‘And we’re all bloody knackered too, aren’t we?’ Carly went on. ‘We’ve been through so much today. Let’s find a spot where there’s a bit of space to set up camp, and rest until dawn. Then we’ll get ourselves back to safety as soon as it’s light.’

‘You have got to be kidding,’ said Ben, mouth agape.

‘There’s no fucking way I’m staying out here all night.

If someone did that to Hannah, they could still be out here somewhere.

They might come after us next! Besides, we don’t have camping gear – no tents, no bedrolls, not even a sleeping sack.

And what about the animals this far inside the jungle – who knows what kinds of predators might attack us?

’ He ran both hands through his hair, slicking a damp blond lock back from his forehead.

‘Look, I know it’s not ideal, but I’m sure we can find a way to feel safe,’ Carly said.

‘One of us can stay awake and keep a lookout – we can take it in turns to get some rest. We can try and get comfy – we’ve got our jackets, some towels, a few spare tops to sleep on, and then those snacks and a bit of water left between us, haven’t we? ’

‘I do need to rest for a bit,’ said Mira. ‘I’m not sure I can keep going much longer.’

‘I have to admit,’ said Scott, ‘even though we’ve been making progress, I was starting to wonder the same thing. It’s not safe to be trying to walk around the jungle in the dark. Carly’s right – we need to stop.’

‘Oh God,’ said Naya, her voice cracking.

‘I’m sorry, everyone, I know it’s what we need to do but – I’m just so desperate to get back.

I want to go home, and I – I can’t stop thinking about Hannah, and if she really was murdered, and the killer is still out here – well, we’re not safe in this rainforest at all, let alone overnight. ’

Her voice tailed off into quiet sobs. In the light of her torch, Carly saw Naya reach out an arm and stretch it around Mira’s shoulders. She felt a wave of compassion for them both, of pity, so strong that she nearly stumbled on the spot.

‘I know we’ve all had a terrible shock – we’re all tired and upset and scared,’ she said.

‘But it’s too dangerous to keep walking now.

Far more dangerous than the risk of someone – or something – attacking us.

Let’s find a spot to rest up for a few hours – then we’ll be on our way again as soon as it gets light. ’

She looked around the others’ faces, gave them her warmest, most soothing smile. ‘We’ve just got to make it through the night,’ she said.