Page 33 of The Healing Dragon (The Red Book #2)
CHAPTER TWENTY
JESSE
L ies hide the truth, but with every lie that falls from her lips, I learn of her intentions. My hope gets stronger with each deceit she utters and I breathe easier. My gift allows me an insight no one else has. The ring in my ears is a light in my darkness telling me to hold on.
I can’t help but daydream about what would happen if I ask a different question. Would she keep lying?
“Jesse.” Brandon waves a hand in front of my face. “Are you listening?”
I nod, but I’ve definitely checked out.
Matias’ revelation about the Red Book being inside his head is not easy to digest. I look at a clock on the wall and see that it has been a few hours since the news.
We are all inside Brandon’s library with Lexi Blue, trying to see if there is something here that can help Matias.
Nothing here is even close to the date of the Red Book.
In other words, there are hardly any texts older than it.
Its magic pioneers ours. There is no way to understand its creation .
We leave the small library none the wiser.
“How did she take the news?” I ask, referring to Bianca.
Brandon doesn’t ask me to elaborate. He walks towards the window and looks down at someone. “She is currently digesting the information in the gardens.”
I nod not knowing what else to say. She seems to do better in her thoughts out there.
“He is all she has. I can see in her eyes the fear of losing him,” Brandon says.
I can only imagine what she might be feeling. Bianca was a child when her parents died. She found Matias and in him a family. Now his fate is uncertain.
“She is not alone. She’s an Oscuro for what matters.” I clear my throat. “So is Isabel, Lexi, Alejandra and Matias. We are a mixed match bunch,” I say.
“A family that makes the weight of our responsibilities worth it.” Brandon smiles my way and I realize this is the first real smile he directs at me in a while.
“Is there anything I can help with meanwhile?” I ask, changing the conversation.
He moves away from the window. “We received word from Gabriel an hour ago. We are departing in two days.” He tosses a piece of paper across his desk in my direction. “I need you to pick a handful of guards to join us.”
“Why me and not Roman?” He is consistently involved in this part of every trip.
“He is still sulking about not going.” Brandon rolls his eyes.
I nod, understanding Brandon wants this done as quickly as possible. “Consider it done. I’ll have a list by tomorrow morning,” I say.
He touches his chest. “You almost sound like the old you.”
“I don’t think any of us are the same after the attack. The castle itself changed. ”
I can see it now more than ever. It started with the vacancies.
Those who departed in fear of war have no inclination to return after the danger has passed.
The safety that once ran the halls is now gone.
The way people look at Janelle is another.
Despite her lack of magic, they look at her like a risk.
“That’s true,” Brandon admits.
He rises to his feet and walks back to the window. With the expression on his face, I have a very good guess who has captured his attention.
He clears his throat. “There is no shame in admitting we all need our person to feel whole. You were missing yours, that is all.”
“Could it be that she is my person, but I’m not hers?” I look down at my hands. I can’t ignore that once upon a time Janelle was destined to another. Her soul was tied to another man. A man, the Fates chose for her. “I think Janelle is just fine without me while I’m lost without her.”
Just like that, the reality of my situation comes out.
Brandon has a way of allowing the surrounding space to feel safe.
Safe enough to witness the most vulnerable pieces of me.
Thinking back, it might be his openness to let anyone see how much he cares for Bianca and his kingdom.
His openness is wielded like strength. How have I ever seen it to be anything else?
“Janelle is a skilled liar.” He finally breaks the silence. A glint in his eyes.
I think of all the lies she has told me recently. Every time the ringing echoes in my ears. How each time that tone registers, a leap of hope spreads in my chest.
“Do you hear it?” Brandon asks.
I nod in confirmation.
He chuckles loudly. “I bet you are holding onto that hope for dear life.”
“You have no idea,” I say with a hollow smile.
“She is trying Jesse. I can see it.” He holds my gaze.
“It's never going to be enough I fear.” I run my fingers through my hair.
He tilts his head. “Enough for who?”
I start to say something but stop. I don't know the answer.
Enough for me? I am fighting the urge to reach for her every time I see her.
Even when she isn't in my space, I have to keep myself from thinking of her.
That leaves the people she hurt inside the castle, and I know that there is nothing she can do to make it up to them. Even her gift cannot heal that pain.
But she is trying. She has taken her time to help Matias instead of focusing all her energy on finding her father. If getting her magic back was truly the only reason she was here, today wouldn’t have happened.
Brandon nods at the silence. I don't have to tell him my conflicting emotions and thoughts. He can see right through me. Does the color of my soul tell him as much, or is he looking deeper, trying to piece together what is wrong with me? And therefore, how he can help me.
“Then stop. If you’re asking for permission, you have it. If you are waiting for them to approve of her, they never will.”
We have come to the same realization.
“This was never meant to be easy, huh?” I ask my wise, all-knowing, little brother who knows more than anyone the value of love and freedom don't come hand in hand.
I should have known that all the years of sneaking around, stolen glances, and secret smiles would end this way. The shared moments as children and troubles as adults pointed towards a never-ending problematic relationship. Yet, not once did I imagine myself with anyone else.
Brandon chuckles and looks out the window once again. “It can be, but not with her. Would you rather have it easy with someone else?”
Never.